He can give it, but not take it.

[Touche]

Why's that? What's your logic behind this? (just curious)

 

Logic has nothing to do with it. It's just life experience. I'm old enough now to know what "works" and what doesn't. You can call it games if you want. I just call it a different approach.

 

Hey look, she can try it your way and mine and see which one works for her.

[2sunny]

No need to print it and hand it to him.

 

Just tell him straight up that you know he is busy and you have a life to live.

 

That is it! No argument or altimatum, no bad feelings.

 

Go on and have fun with friends and other men. He'll be around once in a while just like he is now. No reason for you to stop living.

[Touche]

No need to print it and hand it to him.

 

Just tell him straight up that you know he is busy and you have a life to live.

 

That is it! No argument or altimatum, no bad feelings.

 

Go on and have fun with friends and other men. He'll be around once in a while just like he is now. No reason for you to stop living.

 

Absolutely agree with this! Now how is that playing games? It's very direct but without a confrontation, which you now know doesn't work.

[2sunny]

Luvtoto,

 

I wanted to ask how old you might be? You do not have to answer if you prefer not to....

[prfrogkisser]

Ladies great advice!

Ive been living my dating life based on the real eye opener book: HE is Not that Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. If you are dating, single or divorced these six little words could save you heartache and doubt. It teaches us to READ those relationship signs and dont make up excuses. We shouldnt wait around for any man to make up his mind we are too darn awesome for that.

 

If a man really likes you he will do a lot more for you.You shouldnt wait around for any man to make up his mind.

 

My advice keep dating other men dont waste your time. Maybe this will be a huge wake up call for him if he doesnt want to loose you. ****There might be a great frog prince waiting for you that will provide you with all you need and deserve:love:

[luvtoto]

No need to print it and hand it to him.

 

Just tell him straight up that you know he is busy and you have a life to live.

 

That is it! No argument or altimatum, no bad feelings.

 

Go on and have fun with friends and other men. He'll be around once in a while just like he is now. No reason for you to stop living.

That's what I'm doing now. Please don't get the impression that I'm just a sorry sucker. I just went on a date last weekend with someone else.

 

I'm 37 yrs old. I guess that means I'm emotionally immature according to SuperMonk. (sorry, different thread)

 

I got invited to a party in two weeks, and am thinking about inviting a different guy to it with me. There will also be plenty of men there.

 

Also, bought a tent last night. Going camping in May with my kids. Thinking about doing a little landscaping around my house shortly.

 

When he calls, he has no clue that I was even upset about last night. He just thinks I'm ok with the scraps he's throwing. I am an independent woman in his eyes though. He's dated a couple girls before and the second they start to cling he's gone! So, for him to even be around like this tells you how I'm handling it with him. Keep it casual.

 

So, just keep living my life as I'm doing...keep it casual? Just see him once in a while or confront him about my feelings and cut it off. I am struggling with this decision.

[Touche]

That's what I'm doing now. Please don't get the impression that I'm just a sorry sucker. I just went on a date last weekend with someone else.

 

I'm 37 yrs old. I guess that means I'm emotionally immature according to SuperMonk. (sorry, different thread)

 

I got invited to a party in two weeks, and am thinking about inviting a different guy to it with me. There will also be plenty of men there.

 

Also, bought a tent last night. Going camping in May with my kids. Thinking about doing a little landscaping around my house shortly.

 

When he calls, he has no clue that I was even upset about last night. He just thinks I'm ok with the scraps he's throwing. I am an independent woman in his eyes though. He's dated a couple girls before and the second they start to cling he's gone! So, for him to even be around like this tells you how I'm handling it with him. Keep it casual.

 

So, just keep living my life as I'm doing...keep it casual? Just see him once in a while or confront him about my feelings and cut it off. I am struggling with this decision.

 

I'd go with seeing him once in a while and having NO expectations of him. But I certainly wouldn't be available EVERY time he wants to get together...that's just being a doormat. You should be the one in control here. Take that control back.

[2sunny]

That's what I'm doing now. Please don't get the impression that I'm just a sorry sucker. I just went on a date last weekend with someone else.

 

I'm 37 yrs old. I guess that means I'm emotionally immature according to SuperMonk. (sorry, different thread)

 

I got invited to a party in two weeks, and am thinking about inviting a different guy to it with me. There will also be plenty of men there.

 

Also, bought a tent last night. Going camping in May with my kids. Thinking about doing a little landscaping around my house shortly.

 

When he calls, he has no clue that I was even upset about last night. He just thinks I'm ok with the scraps he's throwing. I am an independent woman in his eyes though. He's dated a couple girls before and the second they start to cling he's gone! So, for him to even be around like this tells you how I'm handling it with him. Keep it casual.

 

So, just keep living my life as I'm doing...keep it casual? Just see him once in a while? or confront him about my feelings? I am struggling with this decision.

 

 

Okay, 37 years old does have different priorities than someone who is 21. Not necessarily emotionally immature at all, I think you are being logical and level headed.

 

By all means invite someone else to a gathering, make sure it is someone you can have fun with! Also someone who won't mind if you flirt with the other men around.

 

Keep it casual with current guy, maybe he will get the idea that you are cooling things off a bit. A taste of his own ignoring mode won't hurt him a bit if he's as independent as you say. In fact, he may not even notice....

[luvtoto]

I'd go with seeing him once in a while and having NO expectations of him. But I certainly wouldn't be available EVERY time he wants to get together...that's just being a doormat. You should be the one in control here. Take that control back.

I kind of see things the other way around, I think just seeing him once in a while (at his convenience) and having NO expectations of him is what's making me the doormat.

[Touche]

I kind of see things the other way around, I think just seeing him once in a while (at his convenience) and having NO expectations of him is what's making me the doormat.

 

Yes, Toto. We're saying the SAME thing. Maybe I wasn't really clear. Sorry.

[luvtoto]

Keep it casual with current guy, maybe he will get the idea that you are cooling things off a bit. A taste of his own ignoring mode won't hurt him a bit if he's as independent as you say. In fact, he may not even notice....

That's why I didn't call his ass back the other night. First time I ever did that. That is just not my personality. If I say I'm gonna do something, I do it. He's turning me into someone I don't want to be...just like him.

 

If he has so little respect for me...and no time to spend with me...then why doesn't he just leave me alone permanently? I've allowed him to many times in the past. I am *never* the one to break the NC rule set in place many times between us. It's always him. Is it just the thrill of the chase with guys like this?

[2sunny]

It's just his comfort zone in his mind that you are convenient for him and just waiting around for him to have time for you.

 

You need to get away from this and it will get him thinking a bit, even second guessing himself.

 

Next time he asks you to get together, YOU need to BE TOO BUSY! Maybe even play that game for 50% of the times that he asks to see you.... at least for a little while.

[luvtoto]

It's just his comfort zone in his mind that you are convenient for him and just waiting around for him to have time for you.

 

You need to get away from this and it will get him thinking a bit, even second guessing himself.

 

Next time he asks you to get together, YOU need to BE TOO BUSY! Maybe even play that game for 50% of the times that he asks to see you.... at least for a little while.

Like I said, I am gonna be going camping in a couple weeks..without taking hiss ass along. I am also going to go to that one party I was talking about in a couple weeks without him. Going to a movie tonight without him.

 

The truth of the matter is that he probably won't even notice me being gone. He's too wrapped up in his own life to care.

 

UGH!!!! I need to just quit him.

[a4a]

I need to just quit him.

 

 

Well now that sounds like a plan!

 

No sense getting into a tit for tat competition with him. Do you think he would change if you even lived together? Nope. Something would always be more important than you.

[Touche]

Like I said, I am gonna be going camping in a couple weeks..without taking hiss ass along. I am also going to go to that one party I was talking about in a couple weeks without him. Going to a movie tonight without him.

 

The truth of the matter is that he probably won't even notice me being gone. He's too wrapped up in his own life to care.

 

UGH!!!! I need to just quit him.

 

Now you're being smart. And you know why he keeps coming back? It's not so much the chase IMO, it's the fact that he knows you'll always come back. He knows you'll cave. Most women wouldn't put up with what you did IMO.

[luvtoto]

Thank you all for your advice. Everyone needs a bitch slap once in a while.

 

Here's my plan of action: When in doubt, do nothing.

 

I am gonna just get on with my life and give him NO ego boosts.

 

He *still* doesn't have a clue that I was even mad at him.

 

If he ends up calling me in a few days, I am not really sure what approach to take with him on the phone. I do NOT want to have any kind of confrontation, he's doesn't deserve that. I do NOT want him to know I'm pissed...cause I'm really not that mad anymore.

 

I guess, I'll just rush him off the phone in a nice way.

 

I don't want to be all pissy and immature with him.

[Touche]

Thank you all for your advice. Everyone needs a bitch slap once in a while.

 

Here's my plan of action: When in doubt, do nothing.

 

I am gonna just get on with my life and give him NO ego boosts.

 

He *still* doesn't have a clue that I was even mad at him.

 

If he ends up calling me in a few days, I am not really sure what approach to take with him on the phone. I do NOT want to have any kind of confrontation, he's doesn't deserve that. I do NOT want him to know I'm pissed...cause I'm really not that mad anymore.

 

I guess, I'll just rush him off the phone in a nice way.

 

I don't want to be all pissy and immature with him.

 

Toto, you say you don't really know what approach to take but then you go on to describe your "do nothing" approach. You see you DO have an approach and furthermore I think it's a PERFECT approach.

 

I think it's called "taking the high road." SO much better than confrontation. Oh and he WILL get the message...maybe not right away, but he will.

[luvtoto]

Toto, you say you don't really know what approach to take but then you go on to describe your "do nothing" approach. You see you DO have an approach and furthermore I think it's a PERFECT approach.

 

I think it's called "taking the high road." SO much better than confrontation. Oh and he WILL get the message...maybe not right away, but he will.

Yes, I want to take the high road. So, ignoring his phone calls seems kind of spiteful to me.

 

I don't hate the man, nor do I want him to hate me.

 

Is there an adult way to approach him if he calls?

[Touche]

Yes, I want to take the high road. So, ignoring his phone calls seems kind of spiteful to me.

 

I don't hate the man, nor do I want him to hate me.

 

Is there an adult way to approach him if he calls?

 

Yes, rush him off the phone in a nice way. Just like you said. Tell him it's good to hear from him but that you're off to do this or that. That's what I'd do anyway. I wouldn't ask him anything about what he's doing. Just be pleasant but very brief.

[mental_traveller]

Stop farting around and just break off with the guy, then do NC.

[Lishy]

Stop messing around - You want the man in your life on a more permanent basis dont you? Do you feel happy accepting the scraps he throws at you at HIS convienience? You you like being a FWB on his terms?

 

If not, just be honest - Don't give him an ultimatum just tell him how you feel and then move on - If he wants you he will come back and tell you!

 

Guys don't respect girls who do not show respect for themselves!

 

I know, I have been that girl! It sucks!

[luvtoto]

Lishy & mental_traveler:

Sorry guys, I'm taking a different approach. I AM breaking it off. In the process, I've decided that I sure as hell am NOT going to give him any power while I do it.

 

Do you really think it's gonna do a damn bit of good to call him up and have the *talk*, give him altimatums, or be vulnerable to him and show him how I feel. Hell no!

 

The only way to handle a guy like this is to speak his language. I am taking the power back, right Touche'? By that, I mean avoiding him at all cost. If he calls, just a "hey, how you doin'" then, "dang, got plans, gotta get going"...then, maybe "I'll call you later" and then not call. A few of those...and I am rid of him. I'm thinkin'. I don't know, we'll see. He's never had me be this way with him before. Might be a shocker to him...or he might just not care. I am more prepared for the latter. I am expecting no less than that...he won't care.

 

I am a 37 yr old woman, who has her eyes wide open on this one, thanks to everyone's help here. I needed a kick in the pants, so to say. I have never really realized how much he was using me before. I don't want to be someone's "comfort zone". What the hell is that? He's a lazy lover, and I am his enabler!

 

I may get bashed for being a game player...but, I'm not playing here. This is me saying, "hey, it's over" or "get your s*** together" without saying a word. It's his problem, not mine.

 

Much more potent in my opinion.

 

Never let 'em see ya sweat.

[Touche]

Yes, you are absolutely taking the power back, as you say. Previously it was all with him.

 

I'll say it again, I don't see this as playing a game AT ALL. It's just another approach. And in my opinion the more marture and effective approach...yes, taking the high road. No drama. No whining. YOU'RE in control. It works.

 

I know you expect him to not care, Toto BUT, and I don't want to get your hopes up, don't be surprised if he comes around and realizes the errors of his ways when he can't have you whenever he wants you. You might just be surprised at this reaction. It's human nature to want what we can't (or think we can't) have. And yes, he will have more respect for you.

 

And if it happens that you're right and he really DOESN'T care, then you will have moved on. Who wants to be with someone who just uses us when it's convenient for them and doesn't really give a damn about us?

 

So you really do win either way.

[luvtoto]

Yes, you are absolutely taking the power back, as you say. Previously it was all with him.

 

I'll say it again, I don't see this as playing a game AT ALL. It's just another approach. And in my opinion the more marture and effective approach...yes, taking the high road. No drama. No whining. YOU'RE in control. It works.

 

I know you expect him to not care, Toto BUT, and I don't want to get your hopes up, don't be surprised if he comes around and realizes the errors of his ways when he can't have you whenever he wants you. You might just be surprised at this reaction. It's human nature to want what we can't (or think we can't) have. And yes, he will have more respect for you.

 

And if it happens that you're right and he really DOESN'T care, then you will have moved on. Who wants to be with someone who just uses us when it's convenient for them and doesn't really give a damn about us?

 

So you really do win either way.

I see your point exactly Touche'. As I see it, I am out nothing.

 

Now where did you get so smart?

[Lishy]

Would it not be smarter to just say "DOnt contact me anymore as we are not on the same page"?

 

Wouldnt he then realise that you are no longer available to him? What happens when you are wanting to see him and he calls? Will you not agree to see him for YOUR benefit? Will you not think it is fine because it is on HIS terms?

 

Tell him not to contact you anymore is my advice - Dont let him even think he can have you in his life when its convieniant for him! That will get him more than being off with him, he probably wont even realise it for ages!

 

You want this man so you need to go for it or finish it in words and for real!

 

Thats my $0.02