ICantStopLovinHim Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I dont even know where to begin. I had a myspace page it was cool to see so MANY of my friends that i never would have thought had their own space. Until......i looked up my current boyfriend of 3 /12 years ex wife's name and well well well she has a page. It didnt say anything incriminating or nothing like that but she listed herself as married, and said she loves being a housewife...now im like WTF??? So i message her and suggest she change her page since her and my boyfriend are now going through a divorce. Well that started the turmoil of my terrible last few days!!!!! Now she keeps leaving blogs saying that her and her husband have been having sex that im a home wrecker that they watch movies together etc. etc. etc. Now i am an adult i know these things are not true i know in my heart she puts that there for the very reason that i will read it and get hurt. WELL YA KNOW WHAT?? its working I deleted my page i guess she went into my pics and saw all these pics of me and my b/f and our son and she flipped out! She was never able to have kids with my b/f she tied her tubes before they met but he did help her raise the two she has. And now she did know about our son but i guess knowing and seeing are two different things. So now she will not allow my b/f to see her children whom he calls his and they call him dad. And every day she puts a new post about how she loves talking to her husband and seeing him and having phone sex blah blah. Its KILLING me. He and i broke up last year for about 7 months it was a terrible misunderstanding but we worked it out. ANd now he is mad at me for every responding to her page and even more upset that i still read hers every day and only find myself at work crying to read what in my heart i know isnt true. So stop going to the website yousay?? i cant its like a drug i have since deleted my page but i can still see hers and its killing me. I have gone into deep depression and now my b/f is ready to leave. He says he just cant be with someone who will second guess his every move and i cant say that i blame him.....PLEASE someone tell me how to help myself? PLEase im dying inside i dont know what to do PLEASE HELP :(
SmoochieFace Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 You need to seek out some therapy... and not necessarily the sort doled out by a psychotherapist. It seems as if you have an *addiction* issue and it may help you bunches to switch off the computer, go outside, take in the beautiful spring weather, and let all of this drama go. Become *addicted* to the *good* things in life. You'll feel better... I promise. Now I know why I never got involved in that MySpace thingy...
Art_Critic Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Instead of deleting you could've made your profile private. Only people that are on your friends list can see your profile.. By the way.. you picked the fight.. you never should've messaged her
Sassy Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 What is the reason he is wanting to leave? Is the fact you found out that they are still sleeping together? Are you arguing about it cause you are accusing him of doing it or it is it guilt that he is. If you know in your heart and gut he isn't doing it then why is bothering you? Do you feel that it is true? If it isn't nothing going on he shouldn't be mad at you for viewing the page. Maybe something is going on ?
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Instead of deleting you could've made your profile private. Only people that are on your friends list can see your profile.. By the way.. you picked the fight.. you never should've messaged her I agree 100% with A_C. You opened this can of worms and now the consquences are being felt. And Smooch is right too, you need some help to get you through this. Talk to your DR about finding a therapist. If you don't deal with this head-on, your life will take an even worse spiral down. Do this not only for yourself, but for your son! He needs you, so it's time get life back to normal.
Author ICantStopLovinHim Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 He suggested leaving because like the other poster said I PICKED THE FIGHT> And now i keep letting it get to me and he is getting angry that i am second guessing his every move when ever he is gone too long or what not i bring it back to him being with her. I dont think they are doing anything. I KNOW she is lying but it is still hurting me so much. I deleted my page because my b/f didnt know about it and he got hurt thinking i was using myspace to talk to other men in our area so he told me i should get rid of it. I guess i could have set it to private but im trying not to go on it anymore i dont want her to know she is getting to me. I mean her page said NOTHING about him untill i wrote her so this is all my fault. I am pushing my boyfriend away he told me that i make him feel since our break up that we took 4 steps forward and now 5 steps back because of this. I WISH WISH WISH i never wrote to her i am so full of regret its not funny. The only problem with staying off the computer is i WORK on one. Thats where i am now at work. I have seriously considered a job change because of this. I just dont know what to do.
littlekitty Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 With all due respect, regardless of how long you've been together etc. you had absolutely no right to contact his exwife to tell her to change her page. 'Their' marriage, was between 'them'. If anyone was going to ask her to remove the reference to 'thier' marriage it should have been him. No offence, but you kinda bought this on yourself didn't you? I think you know you did. Now you're getting the crap for it unfortunately. She knows you went hunting for her page, and she knows you're going to keep checking it. She knows she's provoking a reaction and causing an issue, and she's probably quite delighted about it. Is it right? No! She's being an ass too quite frankly, but that's just how these things go. I suggest you stop checking her page for a start, that will mean you don't spend your whole time worrying about something which isn't happening. Get some help for yourself too. It would be good for you to talk this through in therapy. Best wishes.
Sassy Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Well she is probably trying to make you think something is going on so that it will cause problems with you and your bf. Leave it be and stop going to her website ,and remember you have him and his child not her!!
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Look, you can't control what she does/thinks/feels so why freak out about it. By doing that it's pissing your boyfriend off, so much so that he may leave you. Now, HE should be abit understanding in the sense that he needs to give some TLC to you and maybe keep confirming his love for you, but YOU need to stop thinking bad thoughts and jumping to conclusions that he's with her. He's told you he isn't, so believe that. And please, STOP going on her myspace page. Therapy CAN help you deal with your obsession. I hate to say it, but it IS an obsession.
Author ICantStopLovinHim Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 I am going to try therapy my lil sis gave me a number of one she used to see. Maybe i needed it before this because of our break up being so hard on me. He worked so hard to prove to me its his family that he wants and now all i do is not trust him I feel terrible BUT I CANT STOP IT. This is ALL MY fault i shouldnt have said anything to her i know she resented me thinking that if i never met him maybe he would have given their marriage another try she is 5 years older than me and they have been apart for almost 4 years and yet she still hasnt moved on with someone new. That makes me think that possibly he was still leading her on. I dont know all i do know is he goes to work and comes home he takes care of his family and occasionally visits with friends never enough to make me think he is cheating, and yet its all i think about I HATE MY SPACE i wish it would just dissappear.
hotgurl Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I just had one question is he actually divorced or are they still in process? But really you have tot rusty him and not accuse him. Why don't you get net nanny or something similar and block the site?
Author ICantStopLovinHim Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 They are in the process....he was served papers just a week ago. What is the net nanny?
Author ICantStopLovinHim Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 They are in the process....he was served papers just a week ago. When i met him he had within days just moved out of their home. But it has been years already and now we have a child. And i find it hard to trust now every time he wants to go there and see his children. But that is something i have to try to deal with because he is the only father they have known What is the net nanny?
hotgurl Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 maybe you feel so insecure because your relationship started so sonn after he left and the divorce is not final. 3 1/2 years that seems long for a divorce. Net nanny is one of the security programs made for parents to block thier kids from accessing certain sites. I think you can customize them and put myspace on there so when you try to go it says the site is block. We have something similar on our computer for my daugther but it blocks more things like porn and chat room etc... But that way if you really have no control you can block yourself from going to myspace but I would also go to couseling as well.
Author ICantStopLovinHim Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Well to make the LONG story short she is the cause of our separation last summer. That is when she realized he wasnt comming back or whatever and that is when she started the divorce proceedings. He never did and i cant say anything to that as I am still legally married to my first kids father She lies alot to make people feel bad i learned that the hard way a year ago and now i am allowing her to do it again and i hate it since my last post i have checked her site twice... i have a serious problem and yet he has called me twice today to see how im doing because he is so concerned with what im going through......I'm so pathetic. I am going to look into maybe and IT tec from here my job to see if he can block the webpage for me because i only look at it here when im at work.
Walk Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Hey, just wanted to say you're not pathetic. You're human, and we all have insecurities and problems. Don't get down on yourself even more then you already are, it'll just make the problems worse. One thing you could do is set up a reward for not going to the site. Make it more important not to go there, then the unhealthy reward you get for going there. You know she's lying, and she's playing on your emotions and weaknesses. You give her that control, she doesn't actually have it. Block the site, erase the cookies on your harddrive, and lose the url. Every time you feel like you have to see her site, get up and go for a walk around the office. Get a cup of coffee, go talk to someone, call your bf... Anything. Use the support from the people who care about you. Ask the people you care about and who love you to let you vent and talk when you're feeling vulnerable like this. Also, if you weren't already feeling somewhat insecure I don't think her words would be able to affect you as much as they are. What aspects of this are bothering you so much? If you know rationally he wouldnt' have time to cheat, and isn't, then there's another aspect that maybe you've been avoiding confronting that is bothering you. Like the fact that he didn't file for the divorce, or him going to her house in order to see the son. Are there ways you could talk to him to help you see your thoughts more rationally? Or maybe get a journal and write all your deepest insecurities down, and hopefully find clues as to where your thoughts are illogical and be able to find a different way of seeing these things. Don't discount your feelings of insecurity, it doesnt' mean they should take over your life like they are right now, but don't just deny they exist. It's something you'll have to confront if you want a stronger relationship with your bf. And it could help the both of you become closer in the end. But if it's never addressed, and you only avoid this issue, (blocking the website) it will come back later and cause you problems down the road.
a4a Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 This is not about the website this is about your relationship with your bf. Any idiot could say they are screwing around with your bf or decide that the best revenge is to post crap and lies to a website. If the website never existed sure than it may have not come to the surface, but you need to have a talk with your bf and deal with the trust issues with him. Forget his lunatic X and the website concentrate your efforts where they will do the most service for you. BTW I would not get anyone involved at work on blocking the site or even hint towards it with a co worker or tech employed at the company. It will start rumors and BS. (If I am correct that you are talking about looking at the site at work)
Author ICantStopLovinHim Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Thank you walk. Reading your post made me cry. I was VERY insecure before all this happened and its only been three days! I was insecure due to my first failed marriage and then allowing her to fill my head with lies a year ago and instead of giving my b/f the opportunity to tell his side or defend himself or whatever i just got up and left and got an order of protection against him because i was so hurt. and then i find out it was ALL LIES>... how foolish i was, but we have been working on this problem for the last few months and sometimes things have been a little too good to be true for us then my insecurity comes creeping around the corner and stupi stupid me i look up her name. That is one thing i will always regret, And now i feel like i am making him pay for it. He feels like he needs to constantly check in with me or im going to go crazy worrying and although he doesnt seem to mind doing it i mind that i made him feel he needs too he is 32 and a grown man. I messed up and i am telling you I AM PAYING BIG TIME for what i did. He lost my trust a year ago he has been fighting to get it back and all im doing is putting up the wall higher and higher. I feel so sad and depressed and angry at her. Im sure she was angry and hurt when he left but it wasnt my fault and i wish she wouldnt do this to me. I wish she would just go away. I HATE MYSPACE>>>>>>>i wish it never exisited.
Walk Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Trust takes time to rebuild. I think you need to be a little more lenient on yourself. You did what you felt you had to under the circumstances. But I also think you need to work a little harder at building that trust back up too. You realize the trust was broken by lies from an outside source, so now both of you have to rebuild it. Not just him. Take some baby steps on this. He sounds like he's willing to help, so ask for it, but do so in ways that will be productive. Maybe a good place to start would be to begin discussing what happened a year ago, and this time let him talk about his side fully. Explain what your intentions are, and your "goal" for having these talks are. Ask how he felt, what he was thinking, what drove his actions... and ask questions on areas that you have problems fully understanding. Don't make it about how you felt, or thought, but completely about his side of things. Go into it with an open mind and honest curiosity as to his thoughts and feelings. Not harboring secret agenda's or alternative thougths. honest and pure curiosity will make him feel comfortable enough to share his view without feeling defensive and like he has to hide anything. But it would mean you would have to take the first step in initiating these conversations. Once you believe you have a full account of his view, then take some time to reflect on it and see where there are inconsistancies, what areas no longer create doubt, and ways that this could have been avoided. If there are areas pre-break up last year that caused you to begin mistrusting him, then you will need to address these too. But by taking the first step of letting him share his side without judgement or condeming him would be a strong first step in helping the two of you rebuild your relationship. Most mistrust is created because of miscommunication. Either intentional or unintentionally. Trust is created through understanding and follow through. He's attempting to show follow through by calling you and checking in, but I don't feel you understand last year enough to allow his actions to tear down the mistrust yet. There has to be both communication and actions. One without the other won't work. And stop being so hard on yourself! You've had a lot of emotional strain in the past that is still healing. Be kind to yourself, but work to heal these wounds too.
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 If you are going to delete your myspace, but than look at hers, than it defiets the whole purpose of ever deleting myspace! I have a myspace, and enjoy having a myspace, don't remove something because of her secondly, what if she isn't making those things up? I know you want to listen to your heart, but the heart can" say " alot of misleading things. Unless you have been with him to where there would be no way of him and her seeing eachother, than excuse what I said up there. If she is making all these things up, than she is a very pathetic and sad person, I'd get myspace back, and blog TRUE THINGS
Author ICantStopLovinHim Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 I think opening up a new myspace page isnt the answer. It would just give her ammunition to keep it up im pretty sure she doesnt know i am still reading her page since i deleted mine. I just dont know why life has to be so hard?? I dont deserve this all i ever wanted was to be with a man who would be fathfull I mean he isnt around me 24/7 she lives in the suburbs and that is where he works....he has to be around her in order to get his other two children that all makes it hard on me to trust him. But i dont want him to blame me for him not being able to see those kids...im just trying to be happy and all i have is people telling me i like drama and that is why my life is the way it is I dont like drama i dont like feeling sad and hurt and confused. I DO NOT like not trusting my man i want to have a good friendship and realtionship with him but she isnt allowing it because he loves those kids as well as me and he doesnt want to have to choose.
Recommended Posts