SciGirl Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 My ex and I dated 3 years ago. I loved him and I still do, and I know he loved me too, because we were talking marriage and he had a really hard time after we broke up. It was a very emotional and draining break up. I regret it now, but I was too immature to deal with such a serious relationship at the time. After we broke up, we didn't talk for a while. I went on with my life seeing other guys shortly and trying to get over him. It seemed like it was working for a while. After about a year, he messaged me online and said he missed me, and we talked a long time. Then, he didn't talk to me for another 6 months. At that point we were hanging out more and talking about getting back together, but he left one weekend with one of his frat brothers and when he came back he was being a jerk to me. He told me he was an a-hole now and he liked it, while at the same time having a little breakdown about his life. I think he was afraid of getting hurt again and whatever his brother said made that fear worse. I was really worried about him, but there wasn't much I could do since my words kept hitting a wall. We didn't talk again for 7 months. This time he got online and apologized for how he last acted and saying he had a gf now. I told him I was happy for him. I haven't dated much in the past 2 years. I've gone out on maybe two dates. There has been family stuff going on that has kind of wrecked my enthusiasm for dating and I haven't met one guy that I've really been interested in. More and more I've been thinking about him. I've really missed him. A week ago, he got online for the first time since he left college and moved back with his parents to go to a cheaper community college. Surprisingly, he talked to my mom on messenger. He told her he barely sees his gf as she's 2.5 hours away from him and they're both busy. He asked to see pictures of my garden and asked questions about what I was doing. Mom said "it's too bad you have a gf because you could come up and visit a couple days." He agreed. Then, at one point, my mother told him if he needed anything we were here for him. He replied he was very thankful for that and we were some of his best memories. Now, I talked to him the same night and he didn't tell me any of this. He didn't mention his gf until I asked him what he was doing for his birthday. He said he was spending it with his gf and that was the end of that. He talked to my mom about 2 hours, me about 30 mins. I'm very confused by this. He could have brushed my mom off or said he had to go, because it WAS his first time on messenger since he left school and it was an ex's mother. Instead he talked to her for two hours. I wonder if he would have talked to me longer if I had gotten on sooner? He made a point to make sure that we both knew he didn't check his email much, because he works full time and goes to school (but he wants to keep in touch). Also, his relationship with this other girl seems so odd. She's from his town, but is away at college and he barely sees her? AND he's planning for it to go on like that for another 5 years (he wants a long-term job at a local company and she's a medical student, who will probably move even further away for more education)? I get this feeling that his mom matched them up and he's doing it because she's so controlling. I know it may be hard to see that, but I know how he is when he's happy. I don't know. What do you think? Do men miss exes that long? Should I reach out to him?
tikigods Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I think that this guy has a girlfriend and regardless of your feeling for him you need to respect that. He is a grown man now, and I think that if he didn't want to be with this girlfriend then he wouldn't be. Thats not to say that you can't chat with him or whatnot, but I would make sure to stay in that friend zone. Many people have long distance relationships during college and it works out fine, even more then 2.5 hours apart, so to me that isn't that odd. He might have talked to your mom for a long time just cause they were both on at the same time and it was nice to talk to someone that he had always liked and respected. If it was me, I wouldn't put to much stock or to much effort into persuing him, he knows you are there, how to get ahold of you and whatnot, so he can easily keep in touch if he wants to, but I wouldn't sit by the computer or the phone waiting for his call.
Twilighthero Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I agree, you dont want to sit by the computer or phone waiting for him. But on the other hand, be prepared incase he does decide that he wants to have some kind of relationship. Maybe not a personal relationship but someone to talk too. Everyone at some point or another needs help, and maybe thats what your mom was there for, kind of in the right place at the right time. BUt Still, i know im going to contradict myself on this. Regardless of who it is, for almost all guys, talking to a ex's mother is completely out of the question. DOnt read to deeply into it, but maybe he is trying to get intouch with you. And so what if he has another g/f right now, like tiki said, there two hours away and thats not that far. If he really wanted to see her, he could, why would he spend two and half hours on the comp. with your mom when he drive that two and a half hours to see his g/f?
PlentyLV007 Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 It's been over two years from my break up with my first love and honestly... I've moved on. I stopeed missing him over a year ago and well now I found somebody that treats me really good. I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.
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