Nubemeister Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 My mother and I were talking about relationships and she mentioned that one of her co workers is 30 and that this woman is happy being single and not being married. She said that the woman said that she would rather be alone then have a relationship with a man that was not worth it. So I said...wow, I wouldn't want to be alone. I want to be with someone down the road..not now im 22 but eventually want to get married and have kids. Even though I know I won't...(low self-esteem) Anyways, and my mother said well your only 22 whats the hurry...why want that? Then she mentions how my cousin is also 30 and not married. She keeps hinting that these people are not married..and says that what do I want to do thinking about getting married or wanting to be with someone.. is it wrong to want that at 22? not so much want it but hope to have it someday?
Pyro Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 My mother and I were talking about relationships and she mentioned that one of her co workers is 30 and that this woman is happy being single and not being married. She said that the woman said that she would rather be alone then have a relationship with a man that was not worth it. So I said...wow, I wouldn't want to be alone. I want to be with someone down the road..not now im 22 but eventually want to get married and have kids. Even though I know I won't...(low self-esteem) Anyways, and my mother said well your only 22 whats the hurry...why want that? Then she mentions how my cousin is also 30 and not married. She keeps hinting that these people are not married..and says that what do I want to do thinking about getting married or wanting to be with someone.. is it wrong to want that at 22? not so much want it but hope to have it someday? Nothing wrong with that at all. We all have our own hopes and dreams. You are only 22, it will happen someday when you are ready. What makes you think that you won't? You have your whole life ahead of you.
johan Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 It's not wrong. It's what everyone wants. Even the people who claim to be happy being single. That's like being satisfied coming in second in a race: you didn't start intending to do that, but second isn't always so bad. Who knows why your mom is telling you these things. Maybe she's trying to get you to avoid mistakes she or others have made. Maybe she feels you're in a hurry and should slow down. She might not trust your judgment. She's telling you what she thinks is important, but not directly. Maybe you should be direct with her: "why are you saying these things to me?" is a fair question. The answer usually starts with "Well, I just...." and then you start on the path to finding out what the real issues are.
MadDog Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I think given the choice between being in a good relationship or being alone, an overwhelming majority would choose the former. It's human nature to pair up.
Author Nubemeister Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 past relationship..made me kind of doubt myself in that area... but I wasn't saying I want that now but maybe hope to have it if possible some day when i am ready... and I have only lived 2 decades..I have a lot to learn (grin)
Outcast Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 If you want it to the point that it affects your life, then it is bad to want. What your mom wants for you is to not be one of those people who, when not in a relationship, pines away and mopes around because of being alone rather than being with someone. That's a waste of a life and your mom knows it, which is why she's pointing to women who are not doing that as good examples to follow.
Author Nubemeister Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 I can understand that and where she is coming from..her life has not been all that great.. but I guess I was doubting if having the idea come across is wrong..don't know... Thanks!
jerbear Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 22 is not bad, go build a career base, enjoy some parts of life. Live a littl, work a little, learn balance. Save and pay off some stuff till you are 26, travel the world. I took two 1 month long vacations before I was 28. I'm 30+ (very low) and not married. I did propose to two different women at times in my life. Enjoy the journey of life and MAYBE meet someone along the way. People's paths cross and diverge but sometimes they parallel.
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Oh no no my friend, it is human nature to want to love, and to be loved in return. some people don't know what they wan't until it arrives, shes probaly just content with being single, we all want true love, who woulden't? you are very young, haha than again I am only 18 I am very young to, but from experience with my first love, the only thing I can think about is to fall in love again, not happening any time soon though
SmoochieFace Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I dunno... if I wasn't with my GF I would live out the rest of my years happily alone. Most relationships involve drama and I have no time and patience for that. I am fortunate that my current relationship is drama-free.
a4a Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I have to wonder why so many people tie love with marriage and having kids. Of course you can be happy being single and dating several people, or just having a full social life with platonic friends. Alone time is also great. You certainly have lots of time to explore life, and if you do not you will be doing a disservice to yourself. Marriage is more of a business relationship than most think. You negotiate, work at it to build it, and you hope there is never a hostile take over! It's not all about romantic glances, holding hands, and making love on a beach of some tropical island. Then pop kids on the scene...... turns into angry glares, changing diapers, and wanting to run away to some tropical island by yourself. I think so many people are in love with the idea of being in love. Or believe that marriage will some how fill the holes in their own life.
Touche Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 A4AIthink so many people are in love with the idea of being in love. Or believe that marriage will some how fill the holes in their own life. Nah! Too easy! I won't say it...no I won't say it.
a4a Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 A4A Nah! Too easy! I won't say it...no I won't say it. I know which holes you are talking about....... and you do not have to get married to have those holes filled!! :bunny:
Noos Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Some people crave solitude, others have solitude thrust upon them. Being alone and single is good during the working week when you don't wanna cook and you want to go to the gym. It is bad over Easter and Christmas though...very, very bad...
Touche Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I know which holes you are talking about....... and you do not have to get married to have those holes filled!! :bunny: True but doesn't that fall under one of those "needs" that are expected to be (ful) filled (pun intended) when one is married? Yes, marriage is supposed to be a guarantee of sorts that any and all holes will be filled on demand! Can't expect THAT when you're dating!
kitten chick Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I have to wonder why so many people tie love with marriage and having kids. I always wondered the same thing. My whole life I didn't want marriage and kids, then recently I went through a short period where it was all I wanted, and now I wonder what I was thinking. Marriage, kids, dogs, and suburban houses aren't for everyone. One of the few good things I appreciate about my city is the cultivation of individuals and overt acceptance of everyone. That doesn't really answer your question though. Is it wrong for you to want these things? Absolutely not, it's never wrong to want something. You just need to leave yourself some room, flexibility if you will, so that if it doesn't happen you can be happy with however your life turns out. Don't let your mom or anyone else take away your dreams.
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I want to be with someone down the road..not now im 22 but eventually want to get married and have kids. Even though I know I won't...(low self-esteem) I'd like to touch on this. Why do you feel you won't? If you have low self esteem, work on it and make it better. Learn how to become more confidence and like who you are. I have to say, part of this will change naturally as you get more into your 20's. People do ALOT of changing from 20's going into their 30's. I know now at 35 I'm a much more confident, stronger and secure person than I was in my 20's.
kitten chick Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 If you have low self esteem, work on it and make it better. Learn how to become more confidence and like who you are. I don't want to get into semantics here but I want to post this because it's something that has hurt my recovering self-esteem. I agree with the second sentence but not on the first one. I haven't been shy about saying here that I had pretty decent self esteem and then lost it a year and a half ago, it went practically to zero and I started self destructing. Something that I believe hurt me was everyone from therapists to LSers has been telling me to fix myself and make myself better. I personally have been making greater strides in regaining my self esteem since I stopped listening to that and started accepting myself for who I am and stopped judging my traits as either a good thing or a bad thing. By NOT fixing myself and making myself "better" or trying to change myself to fit into society's mold of who I should be, my self esteem has been improving. Flexibility, acceptance, and non-judgement, and most importantly, self-awareness or an excellent understanding of oneself is key in improving your self esteem. Do not let others tell you how you need to be, only you can decide that.
Author Nubemeister Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 I thank everyone for their responses. I was just trying to see if my thoughts or want of that later down the road was something wrong...to think about. I at this point have no desire to get into a relationship or marriage, or just loving someone...I wasn't trying them all together..just the mere wish of these several things. I know I have time for that and if it does not happen then well...it doesn't. Now as my self esteem..its never been quite there. It's always been low and I'v never thought myself to pick it up because there is nothing else in there...confidence I guess I should say to bring it up. Kitten Chick, I see what you are saying and I hope I can get there someday. Thanks everyone I appreciate the help and different views..
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