luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 My daughter is bi-polar. She is almost 14 yrs old. Her BF just broke up with her over MSN and now she is having an episode. I tried to go in and talk to her, but she is unreasonable! What am I supposed to be doing for her? What can I possibly do to make her feel better? I feel really lost & helpless.
2sunny Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 As a mom, just comfort for now. Be with her and give her support and comfort..... No body and no words will make her pain go away quickly...
Author luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Thanks, 2Sunny. She wanted to stay on MSN and keep taking a bashing from that boy...but, I told her NO and shut her computer down. She heard "NO" from me and then now I am the enemy! She is in her room balling...with the door open, mind you. She doesn't even want me around. I am not really that good with emotional stuff anyways... Is she gonna get better or be plagued with this damn disease her whole life?
Author luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 I am sorry... I just see these episodes as "temper tantrums". Am I just not understanding what bi-polar is?
brashgal Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Not to downplay your daughter's illness but this behavior can be typical of her age. I remember being 14 and bawling my eyes out because noone was asking me to the winter formal. A certain amount of drama is normal for teenage girls.
Outcast Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Am I just not understanding what bi-polar is? If your daughter has had a formal diagnosis of bipolar disorder, it is to you to do a LOT of reading about it rather than ask random people on a message board. It can be a very serious condition and yes, it is a lifetime disorder. It's probably not helping that she's right in the middle of puberty.
Author luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Not to downplay your daughter's illness but this behavior can be typical of her age. I remember being 14 and bawling my eyes out because noone was asking me to the winter formal. A certain amount of drama is normal for teenage girls. I understand, Brashgal. I am just soooo sick of it. I feel awful for saying that, but damn!! I find myself telling her to "get a grip!". Is that fair?
RecordProducer Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 My daughter is bi-polar. She is almost 14 yrs old. Her BF just broke up with her over MSN and now she is having an episode. I tried to go in and talk to her, but she is unreasonable! What am I supposed to be doing for her? What can I possibly do to make her feel better? I feel really lost & helpless. I would explain to her that she will love many men in her life, that the best is yet to come, but she has to love herself ALWAYS! No man is worth her tears, cuz if he were that good, he wouldn't have dumped her and broken her heart.
Author luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 I would explain to her that she will love many men in her life, that the best is yet to come, but she has to love herself ALWAYS! No man is worth her tears, cuz if he were that good, he wouldn't have dumped her and broken her heart. Thanks RC. I agree, no man, I mean boy, is worth her tears. That's what I've learned and I think she's being a sucker for letting guys get close to her. But, why make her bitter at 13? I forced her to quit talking to him today on the computer. God! Where is this girl's self-esteem? He dumped you...tell him to kiss your ass! I wish I had a magic wand, and I could magically make her healthy. I think alot of her problems stem from her dad abandoning her a couple years back. My son is sooo damn easy to raise. He just goes with the flow. She, on the other hand, is so dramatic and difficult. God, I feel awful for saying that.
jhurtinct Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Let her calm down then try and be understanding, its going to take her sheading many tears to learn to tell themn to kiss her rear. These are things we all need to learn for ourselves at that age. Just be kind and understanding she also sounds like shes been through a ton of stuff in the short yrs of her life. Has a doctor diag her condition or are you just calling temper tantrums, bi-polar, I'm sorry I Didn't understandd what you meant by that part of your statment.
Author luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Has a doctor diag her condition or are you just calling temper tantrums, bi-polar, I'm sorry I Didn't understandd what you meant by that part of your statment. jhurtinct, she was diagnosed about a year ago. She is on Abilify and Lexapro. She is currently seeing a psychiatrist monthly, and a therapist weekly (at school). She has been doing so good lately. Thought we were out of the woods, then...*WHAMO*!! Mood-swing city. Just last night, we went shopping and she seemed really happy. I bought her 8 freakin' pair of flip flops. Every color of the rainbow. Now...this. Her moods are up and down and up and down. Is this what it is going to be like for the next few years. I am feeling overwhelmed!! She is sleeping now. She wore her little self out. Me, too. I tried to stay neutral and not make a big deal out her tantrum. But, inside, I was reeling!
shelters Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 You are her role model so set the example for teaching her how to be kind and loving to herself. Comfort her with the words you'd like her to learn how to comfort herself with. Even if it seems like she isn't paying attention to you, she is. Even if she doesn't show gratitude now, someday she will. Best of luck. And... breathe.
shelters Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Just read the bipolar part. Maybe you can find other parents in the same situation as a support system? Try CL perhaps? Again, best of luck to you with this.
Author luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 You are her role model so set the example for teaching her how to be kind and loving to herself. Comfort her with the words you'd like her to learn how to comfort herself with. Even if it seems like she isn't paying attention to you, she is. Even if she doesn't show gratitude now, someday she will. Best of luck. And... breathe. Thanks shelters. I went in and layed with her as she fell asleep. She knows I love her, it's just that she gets so damn irrational when she gets like she does. I never let my emotions get the best of me... at least not anymore. It's hard as a mother, to see my daughter fall apart like that. In my world, falling apart is NOT allowed. I mean, I do not allow myself as a mother to fall apart. Well, what am I trying to say. ugh. Being strong, I guess, means never losing your self-control. Don't know if I should teach her to just let it all out.... or to just suck it up and don't show feelings. I might not be the best role-model.
Outcast Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 It's hard as a mother, to see my daughter fall apart like that. In my world, falling apart is NOT allowed. I mean, I do not allow myself as a mother to fall apart. Being strong, I guess, means never losing your self-control. Don't know if I should teach her to just let it all out.... or to just suck it up and don't show feelings. Bipolar disorder is a MOOD disorder. Your feelings are controlled by your chemicals. You are fortunate that your chemistry is sufficiently balanced that you can exercise control (although if you were truly in control, her behaviour would not disturb you. You have used many 'emotion' words in describing your reaction to her behaviour, you realize) however she will not be. Bipolar is all about 'ups and downs'!!!! That's the BI in bipolar. It concerns me a great deal that you seem to know very little about this disorder; you absolutely must get informed about the facts of this disease ASAP.
Never Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I am 15 years old and although I'm not bipolar, I can vaguely see where she's coming from. Whenever you hear a story or hear something that has happened, you usually don't hear the details. In this case - her boyfriend broke up with her online, so it just seems right to not talk to him, right? I find that whenever something is going on in my life and I ask my parent's advice or they try to 'help me' by taking something away from me, they never know the full story. For example, I just got out of a relationship, and about the week after we broke up, she called me. I didn't want to talk to her, but my mother insisted because she didn't know the full situation. I get angry because she doesn't know everything going on, and then I feel like she's 'not on my side' if that makes sense. Maybe, in your daughter's defense, she thinks that you don't know the whole story. What if she's trying to make things better? What if the reason he broke up with her isn't valid and she wants to first tell him about it? She must have a reason to want to talk to him, and if you don't you're going to look like an enemy to her. As much as it makes sense to not let her talk to him, maybe she just needs to vent. I'm only looking at it from a younger point of view, you probably have more experience since it is your daughter - therefore I may be completely wrong
Citizen Erased Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I am 15 years old and although I'm not bipolar, I can vaguely see where she's coming from. Whenever you hear a story or hear something that has happened, you usually don't hear the details. In this case - her boyfriend broke up with her online, so it just seems right to not talk to him, right? I find that whenever something is going on in my life and I ask my parent's advice or they try to 'help me' by taking something away from me, they never know the full story. For example, I just got out of a relationship, and about the week after we broke up, she called me. I didn't want to talk to her, but my mother insisted because she didn't know the full situation. I get angry because she doesn't know everything going on, and then I feel like she's 'not on my side' if that makes sense. Maybe, in your daughter's defense, she thinks that you don't know the whole story. What if she's trying to make things better? What if the reason he broke up with her isn't valid and she wants to first tell him about it? She must have a reason to want to talk to him, and if you don't you're going to look like an enemy to her. As much as it makes sense to not let her talk to him, maybe she just needs to vent. I'm only looking at it from a younger point of view, you probably have more experience since it is your daughter - therefore I may be completely wrong You are very mature for a 15 year old.
erika2610 Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 jhurtinct, she was diagnosed about a year ago. She is on Abilify and Lexapro. She is currently seeing a psychiatrist monthly, and a therapist weekly (at school). She has been doing so good lately. Thought we were out of the woods, then...*WHAMO*!! Mood-swing city. Just last night, we went shopping and she seemed really happy. I bought her 8 freakin' pair of flip flops. Every color of the rainbow. Now...this. Her moods are up and down and up and down. Is this what it is going to be like for the next few years. I am feeling overwhelmed!! She is sleeping now. She wore her little self out. Me, too. I tried to stay neutral and not make a big deal out her tantrum. But, inside, I was reeling! Bi-polar is not something that 'just goes away'. One of my girlfriends is bi-polar and she's had it for YEARS. Bi-polar makes you dramatic at times, irrational, and you may suffer low self esteem. It's especially worse if you don't take you meds on a regular basis. If you haven't already, you should read up on it more so you can learn how to deal with her better when she 'acts out'. My sister in law also has it, and I find it easier for me AND her to just leave her alone when she's having one of her 'off days'. She eventually works through it herself..
shelters Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Don't know if I should teach her to just let it all out.... or to just suck it up and don't show feelings. Perhaps something in between those two extremes? I think you could really benefit from a support system made up of other parents in your situation. Talk to her Psychiatrist about this. He/she may already know of such a group where parents get together for coffee, etc. If there is no such thing tell him/her that you would like to create one and you give him/her permission to give out your email address to other parents (not sure of the legalities of all that). Or try posting something on CL (not sure if we can mention another site on this one?). I have a friend who since moved out of state who is bipolar and it really does require a lot of strength and patience. By venting to other parents who are your situation you will be taking care of yourself which will naturally trickle down into taking care of your daughter. Wishing you lots of strength with this situation...
TeaCooler Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 She must have a reason to want to talk to him, and if you don't you're going to look like an enemy to her. As much as it makes sense to not let her talk to him, maybe she just needs to vent. yeah. i think that was a bad move. 13-year-olds shouldn't be that focused on relationships, but if he was wrong about something to do with her, she has a right to correct it. it doesn't mean he'll undump her, but cutting her off from saying her piece to him when she's already frustrated doesn't help. just because you think you know what she should do (from experience and what not) does not mean it's right for her. she has to have the experience too. however, if you find it's to just beg him to be with her, cut her off. no one needs to be doing that, least of all 13-year-old girls.
Author luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Bi-polar is not something that 'just goes away'. One of my girlfriends is bi-polar and she's had it for YEARS. Bi-polar makes you dramatic at times, irrational, and you may suffer low self esteem. It's especially worse if you don't take you meds on a regular basis. If you haven't already, you should read up on it more so you can learn how to deal with her better when she 'acts out'. My sister in law also has it, and I find it easier for me AND her to just leave her alone when she's having one of her 'off days'. She eventually works through it herself.. Thanks erika! I will head to the library after work today. I have got to learn more about this. I guess telling her to "get a grip" is necessarily the right approach with her. Knowledge is power!
Author luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Perhaps something in between those two extremes? I think you could really benefit from a support system made up of other parents in your situation. Talk to her Psychiatrist about this. He/she may already know of such a group where parents get together for coffee, etc. If there is no such thing tell him/her that you would like to create one and you give him/her permission to give out your email address to other parents (not sure of the legalities of all that). Or try posting something on CL (not sure if we can mention another site on this one?). I have a friend who since moved out of state who is bipolar and it really does require a lot of strength and patience. By venting to other parents who are your situation you will be taking care of yourself which will naturally trickle down into taking care of your daughter. Wishing you lots of strength with this situation... Thanks shelters! I do need support! You are absolutely right, it DOES require alot of strength and patience. The awful part about it is is that she is sooo damn special. She doesn't even see that .. at all about herself. This damn disease is just ruining her. She doesn't care about her grades...she doesn't care about keeping her room clean...she doesn't care about extracurricular activities. Half the time, when she goes to school, she barely cares about her appearance. She's just throwing her life away. The only damn thing she does care about is this boy.
Author luvtoto Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 yeah. i think that was a bad move. 13-year-olds shouldn't be that focused on relationships, but if he was wrong about something to do with her, she has a right to correct it. it doesn't mean he'll undump her, but cutting her off from saying her piece to him when she's already frustrated doesn't help. just because you think you know what she should do (from experience and what not) does not mean it's right for her. she has to have the experience too. however, if you find it's to just beg him to be with her, cut her off. no one needs to be doing that, least of all 13-year-old girls. TeaCooler, if I could keep her from dating till she's 16 then I would. It's just the popular thing to do these days at that age.
TeaCooler Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 TeaCooler, if I could keep her from dating till she's 16 then I would. It's just the popular thing to do these days at that age. wow. so that makes it okay? you don't have your own mind and your own rules for your own daughter? sure you do. anything new going on with this?
Dagny Posted April 27, 2006 Posted April 27, 2006 Being Bipolar can be a very serious condition. They alternate between extreme moods of joy and extreme moods of depression. It can become potentially dangerous especially after a joyful episode where the sufferer falls into depression, thats the time when suicides occur the most. Bipolar people can be very charming, especially in their joyful moods. My best friend's sister was bipolar who took an irrational hatred to her. It took alot of effort from the family to take care of her. There were episodes such as wandering off alone in a daze, irrational moods of anger which she took out on my best friend. She was confined to a psychiatric ward for a period of time. You definitely should read up more about this. What i know I learnt from a psych 101 course uhm and..my best friend's experience.
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