daphne Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 Whatever happened to people just openly asking what the other person needs? I think that would do better than ultimatums and expectations of change that aren't going to happen. I think if he simply asked her why it's so important than he buy her jewelry, it'll open his eyes one way or another. If he expresses a desire to make her happy, unless she's a gold digger she'll more than likely soften her approach. She's hell bent on getting him to treat her a certain way. Why not go to the source instead of asking us? We're not there and most of us are just assuming she's vampira with gold teeth and a rolex. As for you Johan, I enjoy telling men they're right. It's a nifty way to disarm you and make you think you're smarter than you really are. I will agree that we don't have enough to go on here, but I felt a need to defend the girl since we're only getting one side of the story and it's not strongly suggestive to me that she's a gold digger. I know gold diggers. They're funny, but they wouldn't date a guy like him in the first place if he didn't shell out. She's still with him. As for your ex, if you told her what you said to me (you loved her immensely), which I doubt you did, she probably wouldn't have as much a reason to have been inseucre. Some guys really don't get it. Girls are different. We have been showered with attention by some, and then treated like a fwb by others. We don't like the second so we train ourselves to look for the one that will treat us well. It's the process of natural selection. You guys look for t and a, we look for a mate who will treat us well. Ok, some of us look for a@@holes but I'm not talking about them. As for me dumping a guy who won't give me enough attention, you're damned straight. I just did. I didn't dump him for someone else though. He pursued me hard in teh beginning but let down almost as quickly. I got that he just wasn't that into me. So let him find someone else he can take for granted cos it won't be me. Oh wait, forgot to mention that the reason he's not really interested in giving me what I need (we did communicate in length about it) is because he's not sure he's going to stay in our city. So I really had no choice. He didn't want to invest himself and neither do I.
johan Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 As for your ex, if you told her what you said to me (you loved her immensely), which I doubt you did, she probably wouldn't have as much a reason to have been inseucre. That's really a lame thing to say. I told her. I showed her. Your theory is that I was in control of her insecurities. I wasn't. You have no understanding.
daphne Posted April 21, 2006 Posted April 21, 2006 Your theory is that I was in control of her insecurities. I wasn't. That wasn't what I said at all. I'm sorry you took what I said so personally. It wasn't my intention to ruffle your feathers.
Author budd98 Posted April 21, 2006 Author Posted April 21, 2006 Just a little update and some more info to the situation. I did show up for her b-day party, which was going out to eat. I brought her a single rose and a sweet card. I had already given her a b-day present the earlier week that was about $300. Anyways, It was weird going out. She had her front up and did'nt talk much to me. She kept asking me if I were going to the next bar stop with her. I did. She still tells me she is so hurt by me. I never hurt her physically (ever), and I don't know how I hurt her emotionally. I don't think she is a gold digger, but she thinks a girl should never have to buy a drink nor pay for a meal. Call me old fashioned, but I think a relationship is mutual and should be all about give and take. I do pay for most, but sometimes I put my foot down and tell her she can't treat me bad and expect me to still pay. I also tell her that I don't believe in paying for everything, especially when her meal is always twice as much money as what I order. I know money is only money, but without a little bit of it, you are limited to what you can do. Her parents got a divorce 1 year ago after 25 years and it was an abusive relationship. She never really knew her dad much cause he drank all the time. He cheated and thats why they got the divorce. Maybe that has made her who she is. I don't know. I wish she could get over her temper and not blow up at the smallest things. I have never started a fight with her in the 15 months and I don't even fight back. I usually just tell her to ease up because things aren't as bad as they seem, But that is like talk to a brick wall. Thanks for everyones help and feel free to offer any more advice cause it really has helped me more then anything! Thanks!
funlin Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I was in the same situation as you. I was in a relationship for a little over one year. It was roller coaster ride. She broke up the first time because I had an 8 year long friendship with my golfing-buddy and it was a woman. My golfing friend is 8 years older than me and she is in a relationship for 15 plus year. I won my gf back some how it still beat the hell out of me. We went on few ski trips together and everything was great until few angry out burst in the public calling me an a**h*** because I lost her in the mountains. She made stress with me when my sister called my ex-girl who called me because my mom is sick with cancer and she will pass away in 48 hours. After visiting my mom I bought her a very nice expensive ear rings everything was okay again. Two weeks later my mom die she broken up with me because I send an SMS to my golfing friend to tell her my mom pass away. She ask me later did I talk to her I told her no on technicality no voice call (I may be wrong). She says I lie to her after she check my mobile phone then she took the nice ear rings off then put then back in the box. I ask her if we were done in our relationship and she says yes. The worst day in my life and she made stress with me. I still kept her around for next 7 months and more stress was included. I fight for this relationship for a long time to keep it peaceful but never happened. She lost her job because her company says she made private phone calls, emails, and she didn't clock out when she took a smoke break. So it was my fault because she had to call me and email me when the last break up came on Valentine’s Day. I just told her I don't want to have a smoker for rest of my life then she says you can leave now. So it was never about us and it was always about her. So I have a lot more meat to the story but I will not get into it. Your GF needs to get help soon to have a healthy relationship. I did try to convince my ex-gf to get help so she got her a new man in 2.5 months. So I think to get some help it would help your relationship or she will not know why she is this way if you are serious.
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