budd98 Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I have been dating a girl for 15 months now and she keeps bringing up my past befor her. She thinks I treated my ex's better then her and did more fun things with them. I am 26 and she is 24. She tells me that she must not be good enough since I have'nt bought her and jewelry and I bought an ex some one time. Is this a fair argument? I have bought her very expensive presents, just not jewelry. She also thinks I am not serious enough for her. She is looking to get married and thinks I am not. I just want to make sure it is right, but it is hard when she is so insecure about everything. Is there anything I can do to make it better because she wants to break up over it all. She hangs up on me on the phone all the time and it is hard to resolve any problems cause she gets mad easily. I don't really want it to be over, but in a way I hate all the drama. I am just looking for some advice what to do. Oh, and tomorrow is her b-day and she does'nt want to be with me. Should I still show up? Thanks for any help.
Citizen Erased Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I have been dating a girl for 15 months now and she keeps bringing up my past befor her. She thinks I treated my ex's better then her and did more fun things with them. I am 26 and she is 24. She tells me that she must not be good enough since I have'nt bought her and jewelry and I bought an ex some one time. Is this a fair argument? I have bought her very expensive presents, just not jewelry. She also thinks I am not serious enough for her. She is looking to get married and thinks I am not. I just want to make sure it is right, but it is hard when she is so insecure about everything. Is there anything I can do to make it better because she wants to break up over it all. She hangs up on me on the phone all the time and it is hard to resolve any problems cause she gets mad easily. I don't really want it to be over, but in a way I hate all the drama. I am just looking for some advice what to do. Oh, and tomorrow is her b-day and she does'nt want to be with me. Should I still show up? Thanks for any help. Wow she sounds she is too materialistic for your tastes! Who actually bearates their boyfriend for spending more money on their ex? How does she know? That is just strange. Alright, so she is materialistic, she gets angry easily, she wont see you for her birthday... so you are with her because? She wants to know you want to marry so she can then get more of what she wants. She wants power (perhaps if you look at her past relationships and why they ended just to see if she is only in it for the money). I could be wrong, but besides from the greedy behaviour, she isn't even nice to you! Dump her and find someone who is more down to earth and doesnt bitch about the presents which you give to her because they arent expensive enough!
MadDog Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I'd cut my losses. I had an ex that had a big problem with anger + insecurity. I can't think of a worse combo. Believe me. Her insecurity won't get better no matter what you do. She's one of those people that just can't be happy in a relationship. If she told you she doesn't want to be with you for your birthday, dump her & give her what she wants.
tikigods Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I agree, nothing you ever do will be good enough for her. It shouldn't matter if you bought one of your ex's a pony! That was then and this is now. I say go have a nice single birthday
Author budd98 Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 She claims I am the reason she is insecure. I have never called her a name, but any thing I say she figures a way to turn against me. It is one big circus. She calls me all sorts of names though. It just isn't fair. I do love the girl, I just don't think I am in love with her anymore. It is hard to say. She wants me to call her every second when I go out, but she never returns the favor. When she goes out and I call her once, she flips out and thinks I am triing to control her. No matter what, I can't win. Crazy girls!!!!!
Author budd98 Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Oh, and it is her birthday not mine! But should I just let her be on her b-day tomorrow, or will it get worse?
michelangelo Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 and doesn't want to see you unless you get her some. Run, don't walk! and not to the jewelry store.
Guest Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Sounds like she has borderline personality disorder...do you know if she was sexually abuse as a child or had any childhood traumas?? She can get help if she wants it and agrees she has a problem..there are books on the subject as well as for you? One is called, Stop walking on eggshells(i think) Barnes and Noble has it. She wont be able to change unless she gets help and it takes time and patience!!!!!!! I only think this because she sounds just like me and have been told by docs thats my problem!! it is a slippery little disorder. Good Luck. It sucks for her too because she can't ever work out relationships...trust me it is lonlely to be this way.
Author budd98 Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Why do you think she wants to break up with me, why does'nt she want to see me, and why is she being mean and wanting it over? Is it an act to get a reaction, or does she really want to move on? Just curious what you think?
tikigods Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 its not you at all, this girl will never be happy, regardless if you go out and buy her everything she wants. She is insecure and unhappy with herself, and takes that out on you. run run away, tell her to have a good birthday and let her know that her gift is freedom from you!
MadDog Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 She claims I am the reason she is insecure. I have never called her a name, but any thing I say she figures a way to turn against me. It is one big circus. She calls me all sorts of names though. It just isn't fair. I do love the girl, I just don't think I am in love with her anymore. It is hard to say. She wants me to call her every second when I go out, but she never returns the favor. When she goes out and I call her once, she flips out and thinks I am triing to control her. No matter what, I can't win. Crazy girls!!!!! Dude, she sounds just like my ex. Hit the eject button now! Do it!
mental_traveller Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Ditch her and lock up your bunnies before you do so.
Citizen Erased Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Ditch her and lock up your bunnies before you do so. :lmao: what? these ones? :bunny:
RecordProducer Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Show up with some expensive piece of jewelry and nice flowers. People who get mad easily usually get un-mad as easily too. You need to talk to her about this miscommunication on her part. Encourage her to let you know her feelings in a calm and kind way - what she has to say is way more important than how she says it and how mad she is. Sometimes it's ok to get mad, but not every time you don't like something. Not everything is your way and not everything has to be her way either. She has to find ways to calm her anger and control herself or your relationship will be doomed.
westernxer Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 It is one big circus. Then throw her to the lions.
johan Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 She's insecure, not materialistic. She wants to be chased. She's not comfortable unless you're uncomfortable. If you're cool and calm about things, then she thinks that means you might not love her. A person like that is really hard to love. My ex had that going for her.
MadDog Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 People who get mad easily usually get un-mad as easily too. Me ex would get mad easily and routinely stayed mad for the whole day. Jesus, I can't believe how long I stayed in that situation. Dumping her was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Tasha90 Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I have been dating a girl for 15 months now and she keeps bringing up my past befor her. She thinks I treated my ex's better then her and did more fun things with them. I am 26 and she is 24. She tells me that she must not be good enough since I have'nt bought her and jewelry and I bought an ex some one time. Is this a fair argument? I have bought her very expensive presents, just not jewelry. She also thinks I am not serious enough for her. She is looking to get married and thinks I am not. I just want to make sure it is right, but it is hard when she is so insecure about everything. Is there anything I can do to make it better because she wants to break up over it all. She hangs up on me on the phone all the time and it is hard to resolve any problems cause she gets mad easily. I don't really want it to be over, but in a way I hate all the drama. I am just looking for some advice what to do. Oh, and tomorrow is her b-day and she does'nt want to be with me. Should I still show up? Thanks for any help. Im all out of Idea's Cause I kinda do know whats going down in her mind. I feel the same way about my man and his past! I havent gotten any jewely from my man either and he bought his ex-some when he dated her I think he even thought of proposing to her. I been with him longer and I still wonder if he still thinks about her and his past with her. Im scared he'll met up with her on day on the street when Im not around and they might hook back up. I know it was a while ago but Im still worried. Im 18 and he is 26 we been together for 3yrs and I still worry so.....show her something ! give her something talk to her find out where she is comming from. It really hurts us. we attach to men faster then you do to us. were scared thats all .......Talk to her.
RecordProducer Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 She's insecure, not materialistic. She wants to be chased. She's not comfortable unless you're uncomfortable. If you're cool and calm about things, then she thinks that means you might not love her. A person like that is really hard to love. My ex had that going for her. Johan, you recognize your GF in every other woman!
PlentyLV007 Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 There is nothing worse than being insecure...trust me I know and she sounds like that.... GET RID OF HER WHILE YOU STILL CAN! RUNNNN!!!!
johan Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 Johan, you recognize your GF in every other woman! Not every other woman. Just the screwed up ones. Also the hot princess types recently imported from Europe.
luvtoto Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 How does she know all this stuff about your 'X's getting jewelry from you? Do you talk alot about them around her? That may make her insecure....
daphne Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 I think this board is filled with saboteurs. As if none of us has ever dated someone who was insecure. I think Johan was right. But to expand that theory, I think she doesn't feel like you care about her nearly as much as those girls you spent jewelry on her. And honestly, I doubt you do. Girls have a way of knowing the depth of your feelings. If your'e just kind of into her and she needs to feel like a princess, you're screwed. Me, I'm a princess who couldn't care less about jewelery but if I can get more attention from other guys than the guy I'm dating I'm out of there.
johan Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 Daphne, I really agree with this part: I think Johan was right. But... But to expand that theory, I think she doesn't feel like you care about her nearly as much as those girls you spent jewelry on her. And honestly, I doubt you do. On the this point, I wouldn't agree with you without more evidence. He wouldn't have posted if he didn't care. Giving gifts is one of hundreds of ways you can show you care. Girls have a way of knowing the depth of your feelings. Insecure girls have a way of getting it completely wrong. I loved my ex immensely, but she could never believe it. The nice things I did were always discounted somehow. The times when I wasn't trying very hard were exaggerated and misinterpreted. If your'e just kind of into her and she needs to feel like a princess, you're screwed. If you're only just "kind of into her" why bother hanging around for the drama? Me, I'm a princess who couldn't care less about jewelery but if I can get more attention from other guys than the guy I'm dating I'm out of there. If you really loved him, you wouldn't do that. If it were me, I would treat you like a woman, not a princess. If you left for a guy who gave you more attention, I wouldn't feel too bad about it. Not if that's all it takes. I don't buy my women.
brisman Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 It's easy for everyone here (including me) to say "get rid of her" but I'm sure that's the last thing you want to do. Consider this, though. Unless you put your foot down NOW, she'll only get worse and then the inevtiable damage done will be worse. I'm always amazed at how many people choose to get all bent out of shape with the people who love them, even when they have no real problems in their life. These people make their own problems. Usually, the best thing you can do for them (and yourself) is to make it clear that the situation is untenable. If they don't change their ways, and they usually won't unless tey see you're not bluffing, then walking out on them is the only thing that *may* make them sit up and take notice.
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