Baby Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 To make a long story short. He broke off with me cuz I wasnt stable emotionally. I jump straight to him when I still have issues that wasnt addressed, still lingers. Thus hurts him alot. That has been more than 4 months now. The whole experience has been a life altering 180 degrees turnaround event for me. After the mess, I manage to take a long hard look at whats goin on and step back. Tho its miniscule, i have made progress to love myself and made small but drastic changes. Now we both has been at a better place. I felt i have earn his trust again. Thru out the ordeal, he never left me. He was and still with me and support me all the way. I become stronger everyday. We finally able talked out, all our demons, problems and the solutions to it all. what we shd or shouldnt do, in our future life together. Each day i feels im that much closer into his heart again. We wud talk so much abt our NEW future. It makes me so happy. Each day gives me new hopes, new drive, that much closer towards being with him again. All his future plans includes me, him, my children. It gives me so much faith, lots of courage, a surer thing prior to, 4 months ago. he convince me not to worry. were still together. I can see he wanted to try again somewhere down the road. I have gave him all the time he ask me to come to a decision in his heart in his mind of what he want. Today, he made me laugh so much again. We were goofing around as usual, about babies and stuffs. and i playfully mention i do want his, itll be so cute. it was a lighthearted conversations and thats when he dropped the bomb. My whole dreams got crush right there and then and force me back to reality. This what he told me. how can i give u baby when i cant marry you cuz im not ***** that were of different beliefs. (Other times he wud answer me differently like.. im too old for that now baby or i dont want to share u). i was stunned. I thought all the progress we made so far just got flushed. Everytime i find strength and believe everything is gonna be so fine, i got shot. Flashback to when were together, religion is never an issue. In fact he was practising it with me. Willingly and happily. I said its not fair what he did to me. He broke off when i already flew home. After he has time for himself, he say were not suited for each other. And that love so much alone, isnt enough. Then he say work on myself then we can talk abt gettin back together. He say he didnt leads me on. That he wasnt sure all along. And also to get me a job since i quit mine to be with him. So he can be sure i wasnt just stuck with him but really want to be with him. and then i can have other options in life. I have done that too and now waitin for results and call back from few companies. I have finally able to dry my tears just few days now and never felt more stronger and now, these. I have thrown away my crutch few days ago. I thought the odds are now over but maybe im Dead wrong. I have given him months while at the same time workin on myself. And not knowing what our future holds. So i told him lets break this off cuz lifes too short for someone to be in a limbo state permanently. hes still there and im here. both Alone. No matter how much he convince and prove he love me, I cant make someone love me or change his believe for me. He then told me im the one who break off with him. I wish I knew what to do. He say I need more time to think this over and he need more time too. That he love me truly and his heart goes to me. He said we'll talk again tomorrow. (now it feels like day one all over again). I dont know what im looking for here. Maybe someone who wud simply listen or hold my hands. being a friend. Thank you.
Skeered Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I think you did the right thing in saying what you said and breaking things off...you need to gain strength in yourself and not find your worth in him. He needs to figure out what he wants in his life but that doesn't mean you have to die in the process. You live for you right now and get your life together. If you come back to this guy later in a relationship make it on the grounds that you both have the same ideas as to what you want in the future. Don't hold back your hopes and dreams because he doesn't want it. Your feelings are important also. Keep your chin up you'll be fine.
Author Baby Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Thank you so very much Skeered. Yr reply and what u have to say, meant so much. I needed validation that im gonna be okay. its a very rocky long road I cant deny that and very scarey too. Walkin alone aint easy. Or what if im still walkin in circle. But to receive a kind words from stranger, pave my path a lil. Its difficult to breath today. I dont know how long its gonna take me to accept. he said well talk again today. i dont know what to say anymore. I just want my pain to go away. If we were to officially break up, i have to tell my heart that he died. Thats the only way for me to go on... Ty skeered. wish theres easy way out of these ruts.
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