Guest wishuwerehere Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 to make my long story short. we break off due to me not being whole. cant do the relationship thing just yet. i jump straight to him when the i do have other emotions that still lingers with me..not stable and ends up hurtin him. that was 4 months ago. After 3 months together, he broke off with me. It has been a life altering event for me. when he say he no longer want to do this. it brought me down to my knees and shook my world. I never thought he be the one to hurt me when hes the one whos there for me when i was in the mud. He practically "save" me. So it force me to take a hard look at myself. step back and look at the whole situation. And has made slowly but dramatic changes in me. For me to be able to love myself so much and someone else to the hilt and appreciate them to the fullest. we still talk everyday and he never left me. he said im still here with you. he did. he was supportin me all the way. Few months after, I see that Im able to earn his trust again. We have manage to talk abt all our issues and find the solution to it. For a better future life together. We covered everything that has gone wrong. and what we shd or shdnt do anymore. Everyday gives me more hope and gets me closer into his heart again. Im more confidence and way happier now. But maybe I am wrong. Dead wrong. Cuz everytime Im stronger and thought that we have sometin in common again, i wud be shot down again. Ive finally able to dry my tears again after nearly 4 over months that I thought its a much surer thing than it was, 4 months prior. he even told me to not listen to what every one says abt us, (some answers i got here from loveshack) not to worry and that we re actually together. Today, we were talkin, laughin, like usual. talkin abt children, and how i say i want his baby. it look so cute and all and he say sometin that made me laugh so much and then he drop the bomb on me and shattered every progress we have made so far.... he told me how can I give u baby when i cant marry you cuz Im not a *-----* That we re not of the same beliefs. Most other times we wud talk abt this too and ill get different answers. Like hes old now. or he doesnt want to have to share me. Everything was silent for a few minutes then. I was trembling. All my hopes got crush there and then. Flashback when we re together, religion was never the issue. In fact he was practising it with me. I told him its not fair. First he broke off with me only after I flew home. After i plead with him, he then told me to work on myself then we can get back together, i did. i have. and i believe. And I did waited patiently while he sought what he want. He also ask me to work since i quit my job to be with him. so he can see that im not just stuck with him but really want to be with him and have other options in life to choose. Again I believe and working towards that. Im waiting for a few answers from few company. I waited for months and months for his answer, for him to decide about us. to give him time to come to a decision. sometime when we talk it was so clear we gonna be together again. he made it so clear for me. He wud talk abt what we gonna do..him, me, my children. All the future plans includes me in it. He said he wasnt leading me on. That he told me all along hes not sure yet. Everytime i believe and was very happy abt sometin, i got shot down again. Maybe today is my answer...that no matter how much he say he love me, he still not sure or dont know if he do or do not want to be ******. I love you but i wont be **** so in my haste and hurt, i told him lets break off. Cus looks like after months, were actually goin nowhere. Im still here and hes there. This not a relationship at all. lifes too short for someone to be in a permanent state of a limbo. i know u love me but i understand and i cant force u to love me or convert for me. Again he say he does love me truly and he say i need time to think this over and he need more time too. that we re actually not fightin. that all his heart goes to me. and that tomorrow we gonna talk over this again. he say he has never give up and that all along he thought we wud work it out eventually. Oh well....I really thought we re almost there. I dont know what im looking for here....maybe i just want someone to listen. and held my hands. as a friends. Thank you.
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