sunnie23 Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 about a month ago my boyfriend decided to quit smoking cold turkey. i tried my best to be supportive, gave him all the space in the world, put a little goodie basket of candy and gum together to help him (i've always been a non-smoker but i did some research on things that help) and after two weeks of him not having a cigarette i sent him cookies. last weekend we went out and were drinking. he came up to me and told me he decided he was going to have a cigarette. i tried to talk him out of it but it was no use, he ended up having one. when we were on our way home he tried to bum another one but i stopped him. i don't know what to say or do now. i was really proud of him, and getting through those first couple of weeks with him was hard - he was not himself at alll and even though i knew it was because of him quitting it was hard for me to not take it personally. what do i do? it didnt bother me before when he smoked but i definitely prefer him as a non smoker. when he had the cigarette on friday it almost seemed like he felt worse about how i would react and was expecting me to get angry, which i didn't. i don't know if i should talk to him about this, or just butt out and leave him to make his own decisions. he was so snappy when he first quit and things have just in the past couple of weeks gotten normal again...
climbergirl Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 about a month ago my boyfriend decided to quit smoking cold turkey. i tried my best to be supportive, gave him all the space in the world, put a little goodie basket of candy and gum together to help him (i've always been a non-smoker but i did some research on things that help) and after two weeks of him not having a cigarette i sent him cookies. last weekend we went out and were drinking. he came up to me and told me he decided he was going to have a cigarette. i tried to talk him out of it but it was no use, he ended up having one. when we were on our way home he tried to bum another one but i stopped him. i don't know what to say or do now. i was really proud of him, and getting through those first couple of weeks with him was hard - he was not himself at alll and even though i knew it was because of him quitting it was hard for me to not take it personally. what do i do? it didnt bother me before when he smoked but i definitely prefer him as a non smoker. when he had the cigarette on friday it almost seemed like he felt worse about how i would react and was expecting me to get angry, which i didn't. i don't know if i should talk to him about this, or just butt out and leave him to make his own decisions. he was so snappy when he first quit and things have just in the past couple of weeks gotten normal again... Honestly, the best thing to do is let him work through it on his own. Do just what you've been doing........being supportive. He obviously wants to quit--sometimes it takes a few attempts. And maybe a nicotine replacement would help. On behalf of all smokers, I apologize for our withdrawal bitchiness.
TeaCooler Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 i only get bitchy when i'm trying really hard to quit and someone else is on my ass about it. it makes me want one even more. and if you're a smoker and a drinker, it cab be extremely difficult to do one without the other. maybe he can have a drink at home where he's less likely to smoke, than in a bar where everyone else is smoking. in my experience, i say let him go. i know the more people bug me about it, the less i want to quit. i understand my fiance has an opinion, and that he really doesn't like smoking. but i was a smoker when we got together, so it was no secret. if i knew he would be supportive of me the whole time, i might try to quit again. but it does suck when you quit for a few weeks, you screw up and have one and then someone gets all annoyed with you for it. it's like a diet. it can work if you work really hard at it, but people can screw up a little when they are trying hard to do something very difficult. patience is a virtue. next time, don't make a huge issue out of it. you don't have to smile about it and be like "la la you're smoking, yay" but don't chastise him. he wants to quit and he's trying. hey, at least he made it this far.
magda Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 It's realllllly hard to not want a cigarette when you're drinking. It's best to avoid those situations when you first quit... I think the only thing you can really do is be positive. Like, "Hey, you slipped up, but that doesn't mean you have to go out and buy a pack now. Just one cigarette is not the end of the world - and smoking one cigarette and then stopping again isn't going to give you withdrawals. If he keeps going he'll have to start over from the beginning all over again. If you get self-righteous or critical about the smoking, it's just going to frustrate him. I agree, when people talk about quitting, I used to want a cigarette. Not to spite them, but just because the conversation reminds me of the worst withdrawal symptoms, except being lectured gives me none of the restraint I need to ignore them, heh.
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