riobikini Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 All, (Thread inspired by Chinook's thread, which brings up some very interesting questions). Drawing from your experiences with angry letters to the ex, would you list some of the reasons why you know *now* that it would have been the wrong thing to have done? For instance, judging by how far you have come in your recovery, up to the present time, do you think that actually sending an angry letter would have helped you 'let go' more easily, -or made you feel better in any way? -or do you think you would be embarrassed by what you *would have* said? If you wrote a letter and *didn't* send it, how did it help you? If you wrote a letter and *sent* it, -what emotions and situations followed? Did it help, or hurt you? Also, do you think there are unique situations where a letter may be a * tool* you need to begin your recovery? Thank you for your response(s). -Rio
KittenMoon Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I sent several letters with the whole gamut of emotion. Some stuff I regret saying, other stuff I feel was completely essential to say. Like in a "no more head games, no more wondering, here are all my thoughts and emotions out on the table". I felt better getting it all out. I think a letter can be a tool for recovery, as long as you don't expect anything back from it. ALthough an entire letter dedicated to anger makes me a bit wary... since anger is obviously not the ONLY emotion we feel during recovery. Sometimes anger is just what we cover the pain with- by removing that anger, don't we just uncover the pain? Or is that even a bad thing?
Author riobikini Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 re: KM: " Sometimes anger is just what we cover the pain with- by removing that anger, don't we just uncover the pain? Or is that even a bad thing?" Correct. And it's not necessarily a bad thing. -Rio
tanbark813 Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I've written angry letters to exes in the past. At the time I thought it would be helpful and it did make me feel better. However, I always save a copy and I've read the letters back 6 months, a year, even 2 years later. When I read them back later I sound like a complete pussy in them and I'm embarrassed that I originally sent it. I don't write those kinds of letters anymore.
jerbear Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Feel like a jerk, ass, wuss, dumb, etc... If I stuck around I would have had her; oh well... Now when I reread some, I said to myself. I had feelings for a woman like her?!?!?
basscatcher Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I write lots of letters but rarely give them to the intended person. Typically when I first write a letter it is just to let it all out and let it be a biatych session. Then, I go back after I've had a little cool down period- scan through it and then rewrite it without all the attacking, name calling, vigorous details. Sometimes, I will go back and write it again and again off the second and following drafts. I do this to first of all get it all out. All the thoughts and feelings. The second time is to focus more on the cause of all my destress and not so much on the details but the big picture. Depending on how invoved and emotionally upset I am will determine if I need to revamp my writing again and again. I tend to write until I figure out the basis of all my destress and eliminate the fog and the flowers and see what the real problem. This helps me greatly to wind down, understand my situation and what I need to do. After I figure all this out mentally I have to work on disconnecting my desires and that is the hardest part.. Letting go when all the facts are staring me point blank in the face.. Writing is my way of finding a solution to my problem!
Chinook Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I've only ever written one. Tis on the thread below this one. Like Rio says though, it was a pretty unique set of circumstances and it needed saying. I don't feel any anger. I don't feel any regret at writing it. I don't feel any need to explain to him why I needed to write it. But, I did write it for me. There were alot of things for two years which have gone unsaid. I wrote it for me to help me heal. It served it's purpose. I'm done. (and I won't be saving a copy - saves any embarrassment)
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