Gabster Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I had a massive argument with my (now former) best friend about 6 months ago - was even disinvited to her wedding (I was spose to be bridesmaid). We tried to patch things up but over the course of the last months she has done a few things that made it worse and after recieving a nasty text msg from her over the w/end I know it's over. The problem is, I work long hours with older people and my only friends are a group of about 6 girls from uni. She was one of them. I have tried not to involve the other girls in our fight but she is going behind my back and trying to get the girls to take 'her side'. I refuse to stoop so low. Even so, with all of us working in professional fields now it is getting harder and harder to catch up and this is made worse by the fact that when we all get together there is obvious tension between me and her. I try to be polite but she has just been an absolte b*tch to me and with only 5 other girls in the group it makes our get togethers a real strain. I just invited the other 5 girls to a bbq next weekend and they've asked if she can come. I said I'd rather not and now a couple others aren't coming, meaning I've had to cancel. I desperately miss my other friends and don't want this to ruin my relationships with them. Does anyone have any advice??
dgiirl Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 You should have invited the girl you dont like. Or atleast talked to her privately to try and settle the issue. You two can agree to disagree, but dont tear up the group. It would send her the message that you're trying to be civil with her and be the bigger person, if she then came over to your place with an attitude, atleast then the other girls could see what was going on and maybe even talk to her about her attitude. As it stands right now, you both are being spoiled and putting your friends in the middle.
Gabster Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I have tried to patch things up and it's impossible - it's not about us being 'spoilt', it's about us getting to the point where we simply cannot resolve the issue. I am being mature about the issue. For 6 months I have tried to come to a mutual understanding with her and she refuses to budge. I am furious at what she's done to me and I refuse to continue putting any more effort into a wasted relationship. I am trying my hardest not to put my friends in the middle by taking her out of the picture. Otherwise, if she showed up to a function, one of us would have to leave and that would make everyone even more uncomfortable. My friends should just get used to the fact that they'll have to see us seperately. I would love to tell them what she's really like but I haven't done that because I don't want to spoil their own relationships with her. My question is, if I cannot get along with this girl (and if you knew what she has done to me you would understand), then how can I continue my friendships with the other girls in the group like it was before?? I don't feel like I should lose them because of her.
Kittiecat Posted April 23, 2006 Posted April 23, 2006 Have the other gals ever asked you for YOUR side of the story? Or do they just take your ex friend's version as 100% fact? If they do ask you, just tell them your version of exactly what went down, and then they can make up their own mind. Let the chips fall where they may. I've been out of college for nearly six years now, and my college friends are pretty much all gone; some have moved away, some have married, and some have started families. We don't get to see each other a whole lot anymore. So I had to make friends elsewhere - mainly work, but it sounds like you have nothing in common with your coworkers. Forgive me, this may sound corny, and you may have even heard it already, but I'd suggest taking an evening class, joining a gym, doing volunteer work, etc. Getting active in SOMETHING is the BEST way to make friends! You just have to put yourself out there. I have a friend that volunteers regularly for various charities and as a result she's made tons of friends AND keeps herself busy with work she loves - win-win all around! Anyway, it's something to consider. Good luck!
zarathustra Posted April 24, 2006 Posted April 24, 2006 I am trying my hardest not to put my friends in the middle by taking her out of the picture. Otherwise, if she showed up to a function, one of us would have to leave and that would make everyone even more uncomfortable. My friends should just get used to the fact that they'll have to see us seperately. I would love to tell them what she's really like but I haven't done that because I don't want to spoil their own relationships with her. My question is, if I cannot get along with this girl (and if you knew what she has done to me you would understand), then how can I continue my friendships with the other girls in the group like it was before?? I don't feel like I should lose them because of her. I lost a really good friend as a result of not being able to accept his crazy gf. Yeah, I miss him and his support, but I have my tolerance level. If this means that I lose a few friends I used to work with (close knit group) and they only want to hang out if he's there (and thus she's there too), I understand I will have to find new friends. I think that as guests to your party, its really rude to ask if someone you don't like can come too. Why don't they put you more on the spot? Maybe you should re-evaluate those friendships and see if you need to find new ones. Maybe meet in smaller groups with the ones you really like.
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