Kittiecat Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Hi everyone - I'm new here, so please be gentle. I just ended a two year relationship last week (it will be one week tomorrow). There has been no contact other than his one call to me last Thursday to see if I was OK. Even though it was I who initiated the break up, I was quite hysterical when I broke the news to him. He came over and ended up comforting me - he rubbed my back, stroked my hair, and told me that everything was going to be fine and I didn't have to explain myself, etc. We talked about all the things that went well in the relationship, as well as all the problems. He recognized that it was something that I had been thinking about for awhile, but also acknowledged that he was unwilling to change his behavior to improve the relationship (or at least meet me halfway). This of course made me realize that I was making the right decision. The day after was the hardest; I cried my way into work and kept breaking down on the sly throughout the day. The following day was much easier (only cried once) and the day after that I was tear-free. Yesterday was hard (it being a holiday it made me miss him more), but other than that I've been feeling surprisingly fine. Since last week I've been thinking about him all day, every day (probably more so than when we were actually together), and when I think about him it makes me miss him, but I don't regret my decision. I have to say, this is all very new to me. This was the longest relationship I've ever had, and I always thought that if I broke up with this particular person I would be damn near non-functional because we were together for over 2 years. That hasn't been the case at all. Yes, I am sad about it, but a part of me is glad that it's over. I think deep down I knew he was the wrong guy for me - he left me alone every Saturday night so he could party with is friends [and never invited me!], etc., but I stayed because there was just enough there to keep me in the relationship. Then I started hating myself for compromising so much when he wasn't compromising ANYTHING. The bag filled, and I had to end it. People of course want to start setting me up with their cousins, nephews, etc., but I honestly have no desire to even THINK about dating right now, and I don't see it happening anytime in the near future. This whole relationship has made me question my ability to judge a man's character. Maybe I need to read that book "He's Just Not That Into You." [Anyone read it? What did you think?] I'm thinking that was the case all along and he just didn't have the balls to end it himself. Hmm... Anyway, that's my story. Hopefully this didn't come off as too whiny/bitchy, etc. I wish you all the best in your healing process. Take care! -Kittie-
johan Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I guess it was a good move then, Kittie. It sucks having to let go like that. But it happens a lot. I guess sooner or later you find one that keeps working, but it takes a positive attitude like you have. I miss my ex. I wish we were still together sometimes. I have to force myself to remember what the problems were that caused me to break up with her. I guess it was a good thing, but it's hard not to look back.
Guest Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Kitty ... This sounds like a post that I would have written .... the story is the same. I just broke up with mine .. we email occasionally still .. but it is not there like it used to be ... while I love him with my heart .. it was not our time. And all I can say is what I have learned. I don't want to sound like I am preaching .. but I have been to H - e - double L and back and have had too many years of the same to finally understand what is true. And that is God has a reason for his plan of life. And I for one will never stray again. And I will never again be made to think that I am second best. Think about how it was before there was intimacy ... so great I bet. If I could only go back to that time .. God's plan is to protect us. And something happens when intimacy before a true commitment occurs outside Gods plan .. hidden or not so hidden expectations, etc., without the true connection and commitment to work things out. .... whatever it is, it is simply the recipe for disaster. In our lives we all must have a commitment to the truth. We need to recognize God’s truth .. otherwise others will build false truth for you. There is no peace in life if you are walking in a lie. When we refuse to accept truth and the truth about ourselves then we set ourselves up for overwhelming pain. The truth is painful but cleansing .. and truth opens up a new life. We can choose God’s way or we can choose other’s “truth”. And I for one have found it to be true that when someone wants to deceive you they will give you wrong information and a lack of full truth, leading you to wrong decisions until finally you are enslaved by wrong actions. Sound familiar? And the reward of accepting the truth of who you are, of what you want and need in a relationship or anything is this … God will give you spiritual discernment at all times. It is an instinct that God gives you to make proper decisions. Most of us have that instinct already, but chose to ignore it. And I for one have been very foolish to ignore what I felt but now and forever believe that this gift of discernment is a gift from God. And it is this discernment that will give you intuition when a situation is bad. What is in the past is in the past… what is important now and forever is your dignity and guarding your heart and your mind and believing the truth that you feel within you. If a commitment is made to do it God’s way, then God will give you your soulmate.
neverwilllearn Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Kitty ... This sounds like a post that I would have written .... the story is the same. I just broke up with mine .. we email occasionally still .. but it is not there like it used to be ... while I love him with my heart .. it was not our time. And all I can say is what I have learned. I don't want to sound like I am preaching .. but I have been to H - e - double L and back and have had too many years of the same to finally understand what is true. And that is God has a reason for his plan of life. And I for one will never stray again. And I will never again be made to think that I am second best. Think about how it was before there was intimacy ... so great I bet. If I could only go back to that time .. before things got mucked up .. God's plan is to protect us. And something happens when intimacy before a true commitment occurs outside Gods plan .. hidden or not so hidden expectations, etc., without the true connection and commitment to work things out. .... whatever it is, it is simply the recipe for disaster. In our lives we all must have a commitment to the truth. We need to recognize God’s truth .. otherwise others will build false truth for you. There is no peace in life if you are walking in a lie. When we refuse to accept truth and the truth about ourselves then we set ourselves up for overwhelming pain. The truth is painful but cleansing .. and truth opens up a new life. We can choose God’s way or we can choose other’s “truth”. And I for one have found it to be true that when someone wants to deceive you they will give you wrong information and a lack of full truth, leading you to wrong decisions until finally you are enslaved by wrong actions. Sound familiar? And the reward of accepting the truth of who you are, of what you want and need in a relationship or anything is this … God will give you spiritual discernment at all times. It is an instinct that God gives you to make proper decisions. Most of us have that instinct already, but chose to ignore it. And I for one have been very foolish to ignore what I felt but now and forever believe that this gift of discernment is a gift from God. And it is this discernment that will give you intuition when a situation is bad. What is in the past is in the past… what is important now and forever is your dignity and guarding your heart and your mind and believing the truth that you feel within you. If a commitment is made to do it God’s way, then God will give you your soulmate.
fooled Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 Kittie, you sound mature and healthy and did the right thing. This board is full of folks who are coping with the loss of UNhealthy relationships (me included) that it is refreshing to hear from someone who is strong from the beginning.
Author Kittiecat Posted April 23, 2006 Author Posted April 23, 2006 Wow, thanks guys! And thanks, Fooled - I like to think I'm somewhat mature, but relationships are tricky and tend to bring out the best AND worst of people. This whole thing was one helluva learning experience, that's for sure. Anyway, he came by last Tuesday night to return his key, etc. There was no real "stuff" exchange because he never really left anything at my place [that should've been hint #1, duh!]. He did ask me to take him back, and that he would "try harder," etc. I told him no and gave him all of my reasons why. I tried to put it as nicely as possible, without sounding too critical or judgmental. He told me that he talked to his mother about the situation and she agreed with ME. I was completely floored. Anyway, the conversation turned to us being friends. I told him I was willing to be casual friends (i.e. maybe a phone call or email now and then, the odd lunch, etc.) but needed LOTS of time to myself -- i.e. I want no contact from him. I probably should have given him a set time frame, but I figured he's smart enough to know that one week is NOT enough time. What does he do? He forwarded me a joke email on Friday. When we were together, he NEVER sent me jokes. It's as if he's trying to remind me that he's alive and well, as if I'd forget! I don't know, it just sort of angers me that he wants to put forth all this effort NOW. He was willing to cruise for two years, and I let him because I wanted to be a good girlfriend and make him happy by letting him do his own thing. However, after two years you start to see a person's "true colors," and I didn't like what I was seeing. We were also in very different places in our lives. He's 25, lives at home with the parents, and goes to school full time. I'm 28, own a home, work full time and support myself 100%. I guess you could say we weren't exactly on equal footing. Arrghh...mom was right. Anyway, thanks for the input everyone! It's nice to know I'm not alone in dealing with this. Take care!
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