JustWantToBeHappy Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 We are both in our 30s We broke up about 3 years ago. We were dating about 4 months. We were together always during that time. He was madly, deeply in love with me. I actually loved him as well, just maybe not as deeply. I left him and broke his heart. I didn't cheat on him. But I did start seeing someone right after the breakup. The reason I left him was mainly because he was out of work. I worked from home so he was with me 24/7 and it just was too much. I lost respect for him. He was already out of work when we met. Money was tight, he wasn't even looking for work. I was supporting him basically. He said in a couple of months there should be work for him etc.... For me, it was just too soon for all of that I guess. Anyway, he was a super nice guy. He really treated me like gold. Over the last 3 years, he emailed a couple of times. Nothing deep, just hello, how's things type of emails. He tells me he's been working now steady for the last couple of years. Working 2 jobs. I was dating someone at that time so I really didn't bite when he emailed. I just responded cordially. It's been over a year since the last email. I'm single now. The other day, I emailed him my number, he emailed me his back. I call him. This was yesterday. We talked for almost an hour. He's single, I'm single. I apologized for hurting him. He told me not to and he understood, his life was a mess at that time. Our coversation was going well. I suggested we get together for coffee (this was about 9 am yesterday and both of our Easter plans weren't until about 1ish) He started stuttering saying he thought about the day he would see me again. He didn't know how he'd handle it etc... Since me, he hasn't dated anyone steady and was basically still in love with me. I told him to relax, it's been 3 years. We've both changed. He told me that he couldn't meet me right then and there. He was freaking out. I suggested "how about tomorrow?" He aggreed and suggested we go to dinner instead of just coffee. He said he gets out of work around 4:30-5pm and will call me when he gets home. He picked a restaurant and everthing. We talked a little while longer and were both looking forward to it. Today (date day) I called him around noon and left a message on his cell. I just wanted to reassure him that I was looking forward to the date still. Then I called about 5:30pm, no answer. Then at 7:30pm his cell was off. I called once more at 8:30pm , his cell was back on but no answer, I left another message I said, "I guess you're cancelling tonight, just call me please and let me know what's going on". I haven't heard from him!!! It's almost 10pm now. He was supposed to call 4-5 hours ago. I've been stood up! I don't know if this is payback or he's scared or what. This is so not like him. Neither of us were ever game players. That was the best part of our relationship. One of the reasons I wanted to see him again is because he was such a reliable nice guy. Doesn't lie, doesn't make plans that he doesn't keep. After 3 years of seeing what was out there, I really grew to appreciate what I did have with him. And now that it seemed he had his life together, I really thought maybe this could work out. I almost sent an email but it wasn't really nice. Should I be nice? Should I be really mad? I know I broke his heart 3 years ago so do I have any rights here? What do I do now?
My_Other_I Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 OK, girlfriend. Re-read your post and start counting the red flags there. Too many! You know, you don't enter the same waters twice - as one saying says. Are you desperate and willing to settle? How do you know for a fact that he is single?
jhurtinct Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Maybe you broke his heart once and he doesn't want to get hurt again, and I think you should stop calling, leaving mess, and emails and let him make the next move.
Author JustWantToBeHappy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 Thank you both for your advice. to My_Other_I OK, girlfriend. Re-read your post and start counting the red flags there. Too many! The only red flag was that he wasn't working. I think many people go through slumps. That was 3 years ago and he fixed that. to jhurtinct: I think you should stop calling, leaving mess, and emails and let him make the next move. So I shouldn't even address the fact that he stood me up? I guess I'm just wondering if I have the right to be mad or not.
CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 OK, girlfriend. Re-read your post and start counting the red flags there. Too many! You know, you don't enter the same waters twice - as one saying says. Ah but the only thing constant in life is change. People change, circumstances change. There's no rule that says something that didn't work out in the past won't work out in the future UNLESS of course nothing in fact has changed To the OP: He's scared. He wasn't expectin this. I'm not making excuses for him but you did break his heart. He hasn't built up the level of self-confidence that says "I deserve another shot." Go easy on him. Give him the benefit of the doubt and if he gives you some lame excuse instead of coming clean and being honest with you, then I say you should just forget it and move on.
Author JustWantToBeHappy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 Thanks CaliGuy, I've been reading this forum for a while and usually agree with your advice so I'm going to take it. I'll go easy on him and I believe he will tell me the truth. He's not like most men with which I've had experiences. He's painfully honest...lol Just one question. Do I email him, call him or nothing? If he's that frightened, do you think he'll even call me?
CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Thanks CaliGuy, I've been reading this forum for a while and usually agree with your advice so I'm going to take it. I'll go easy on him and I believe he will tell me the truth. He's not like most men with which I've had experiences. He's painfully honest...lol Just one question. Do I email him, call him or nothing? If he's that frightened, do you think he'll even call me? He's scared. Didn't want to tell you no, then thought about what happened and got cold feet. Do you blame him? Email him once. Don't be apologetic, just let him know you understand if he is concerned about getting hurt again. That you want right now ONLy to hang out and see if there is anything there. If not, no harm, no foul. Read my guide to second chances. Hell, give him a copy. You can not pick up where you left off. You have to start from scratch again if you want any chance of success.
Author JustWantToBeHappy Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 Thanks for all of the advice. I still haven't heard from him. I'm going to wait and see if he tries to contact me today after work. If he doesn't, I'm going to email him later tonight. After that, I'm done. That's my plan.
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