Agent M Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 Help! I am in a relationship with a 38 year old man who presented himself as one person for 6 months, then totally and completely changed. He pulled a Jeckyll/Hyde act on me. He was great for the first 6 months, except that he was too sticky, way into me, I felt pressured and didn't have enough space. But, since I hadn't had a boyfriend in ages I figured I could get used to him and I like a lot of attention anyway, and I loved the deep, interesting conversations we were having. Well, he finally went away for 3 weeks to visit a friend way out in nowhere land Florida (all they did was hang out at the house and work all day). When he came back, he contradicted himself on almost every point he had made before he left. He told me he's just really selfish and that he was just trying to be the good boyfriend before he went to Fla. and had time to think about things. He told me he loves me and he is totally into me, but he can't help his selfishness and unless he acts as more or less as he pleases he finds that he is very unhappy. Then after acting like he couldn't live without me for the first 6 mos., he later (after many discussions) told me we should be friends because he doesn't feel like he knows me. What?? His issues seemed to center around codependence (for the first 6 mos.), problems with authority and responsibilty (just wants to do what he wants to do), passive aggression, blaming, often contradicts himself, extreme frustration, out of touch with who he is, paranoia, fear, and extreme selfishness. He is unable to commit to anything, as every time he does he "finds himself very unhappy". Sometimes he hides by saying he is "living in the moment", therefore absolving himself of responsibility. He broke down sobbing and crying about his sorry self and it was awful to see. I would also end up feeling really beaten up after he went on these "verbal tyrades" because he was frustrated with himself but would project it on to me. He also says he can't promise me anything, because he knows himself. When I object and say he has a choice about his behavior, there is no reasoning with him. We have discussed all of this at length. He had agreed to seek counseling (his home was verbally and physically abusive), but then he never followed through. He recognizes his issues. My problem is that I thought I was falling for one person, who turned into someone totally different all of a sudden. This was devastating. I have backed way off....we see each other once a week or once every 2 weeks....but again, I keep getting mixed messages. One day he is bubbling with affection for me, tells me he misses me, then the very next day he is cool as a cucumber. He says this is because he is fighting with his subconscious, but he can't really explain how, but that his feelings for me are still deep. (like he wants more than friends?) I'm fairly certain he's not seeing anyone else, and he has an STD so I know there is no sex involved...he's never even had sex with me, from the start. He is afraid of giving it to me, and later said once we have sex it will change the dynamics but he can't explain really how. so....I have looked into every mental disorder (bi-polar? narcissism? immature? confused?) and am really perplexed and bummed, and driving myself crazy trying to figure out what happened. Help!
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