elle_nana Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 I ave been seeing a guy for almost a year and a alf now and things seem to be goin g downill. I will try to make this short: When we started dating, e had a girlfriend, wo left in December last year and we continued dating. This guy has never introduced me to any member of his family in the time that i have know him. He has a son, who he doesnt live with, but who he sees every week and each time e is with his son he doesnt want to be with me: he has never introduced me to is son. We have never done anything together in the time i have known him, we just go clubbing or sleep....he never takes me out, unless i ask or force him to. he goes clubbing about 3-4 times a week with his friends, and he just told me that he cannot spend every weekend wit me....he prefers to drink and smoke weed with his friends. His birthday was about a month ago and i had planned to take him out for a romantic dinner; and he declined the offer...preferring to stay home and watch a basketball game, and later go out clubbing with his friends and I. The weekend after his birtday, he had a party at a female friend's house(who i know), and he didnt invite me; he called me at midnight to basically let me hear all the noise in the background and all the fun he was having. We live about 12 miles away from each other and he thinks seeing each other once a week is fine. He calls me once a day or twice at most, andsometimes he ignores my calls (i can hear that he's on the other line, but he just wont pick up). He can go about 2 days without calling me. He promises to call but he wont keep his promise;; and he wont apologise. I usually take the train to his place, and I tell him what time my train will be there and he always makes me wait for about 30 minutes even though he will be coming from home. He never wants to see me during the day, we only spend time together after 9pm. Over te past month, this has all accumulated, and it REALLY hurts me to the point where i think i am depressed. I have told him how much he hurts me, and the pain is so much that i have started crying each time he disappoints me. When this happens and we're on the phone, he hangs up on me, and when i try to call back numerous times) he wont pick up. I would never ever do that to him. I would drop ANYTHING for him. I really think this man hates me.....it hurts so much to be with someone who hates you. Am i overreacting? Guys why would you treat a woman like this?
blind_otter Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 He doesn't respect you at all and treats you in that type of manner -- maybe he has unresolved issues from the relationship that was going on when you guys started dating. It's a bad idea, IMO, to get involved with someone who is in a relationship for this reason. You get to inherit all their baggage from the relationship that they were in when you met. I think a better question, here, would be -- why do you allow him to treat you like this, and why are you in a relationship where you are treated like less than a friend? Why do you tolerate this? Do you think that you can change him?
tikigods Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 people treat us only as we allow them to treat us, so I will ask you the same questions that Otter did, why do YOU allow him to treat you the way he does? And why are you with a guy that doesn't respect or love you enough to treat you the way you want to be treated?
ellenana Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 I really care for this man tremendously, and i am scared to lose him. I feel like i am so desperate and scared of dealing with the pain of a break-up. But at the same time, i feel like i might just go through the same amount of pain. I just dont know what to do.....I feel so helpless....i just wish he could care more.
aleatoryd Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 What a horrible situation. What does your relationship have going for it? How has he treated you well compared to badly? Sounds like a case of serious neglect and pretty much not caring about you. It sadly sounds like you are just a girl he can use and abuse as he pleases without giving you much in return. You deserve respect and dignity instead he ignores you, drops you for a basketball match on television and doesn't invite you out - so he is free to party and do what he likes with whoever he likes. Really ask yourself does that sound right to you? He may be your boyfriend but you are not his girlfriend at least not to him. He is probably still hung up on his old relationship. I know people who have treated girls like they are nothing - usually they were dumped and so resent girls that they take revenge for their hurt on someone else. You are just a convenient girl he can drop back to between living the rest of his life. Think about what blind_otter and tikigods asked and if you're not happy with the answers then leave the guy and NEVER look back. Good luck.
whichwayisup Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 He isn't thinking this is a serious relationship. He's putting NO effort into it or you. Why waste your energy on someone who treats you crappy? Seems like he hasn't made you any priority in his life unless he wants fun and company. You've not met his son, family and you two have been together long enough that you should have been introduced. The signs are all there. Get out NOW. Dump his selfish ass and find yourself a man who will love and appreciate you.
AriaIncognito Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 I have to agree with all the other posters. You clearly deserve SO much more than what this guy is willing to do for you. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, anytime. Not just after 9pm. Or on Columbus day. Or when the sun/moon and earth are all in alignment. There shouldn't be such constraints on the relationships, because that feels, well, strained. Do yourself a favor, and cut him loose. It will be hard, but you can always turn to all of us for support. Good luck, Jennifer
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