He Cheated On Me After 15 Years

[blondelexus]

My Boyfriend Just Cheated On Me After 15 Years

I just found out that my boyfriend of fifteen years has cheated on me. For the last eight years there was never any sex between us. He said he was impotent . He never liked sex, except I think he pretended in the very beginning to like it. For the last eight years I have just accepted this as the way it is!! I got up early one Sunday morning and saw his cell phone on the table in the den. It was always in the kitchen being charged. I had never checked the numbers in the phone before. I kept looking at the phone and somehow I knew there was information in the phone to explain some of the questions I have had all of these years. I found one number that stood out, since it had been called a lot of times. It was 5 am in the morning when I dialed the number, and a woman answered. I hung up. I waited until he got up and I asked him who the woman was. He lied, of course, and tried to say he had loaned his sister his cell and it must be a fried of hers. I told him that he knows the line of work I am in, and that I can definitely find out who the phone is listed to as soon as I got to work on Monday morning. He finally confessed. It was a woman that he had dated at the time I met him all of those years ago. It was a woman that has had three husbands and is considered to be a woman that sleeps around with a lot of men. He never even wanted her all those years ago, when he could have had her. I was astounded that he would do this to me, and to our relationship. I knew we had just a shell of a relationship, and not what I wanted, however I had accepted it for what it was. I have been so hurt. I immediately kicked him out of my house and he went back to his parents house to live. Since that time he has not called this woman, or been to see her, for she would love to call me and tell me he has called. This is the kind of woman she is!! When I ask him why he did this, all he will ever say is that he doesn't know. Somehow I need for him to tell me WHY!!! I know he doesn't love me, and I don't need for anyone to tell me this! The thing is, I really know that he didn't want her either. There is something deeper here than just his unfaithfuflness. I have always wondered if he is gay. He doesn't fit the sterotype of a gay person. I know there are men that do not act or look gay, and they are gay anyway so it still could be the answer. He doesn't like women really , and I truly believe this!! When I first met him it was right after I separated from my husband of 21 years. I met him at a lounge in Charlotte, NC. He just happened to live in the same town as myself. We would talk on the phone and meet at this club on Saturday nights for several weeks. He would have to have at least 6 beers before he would even come over and talk to me. As we progressed in this new relationship, eventually we had sex. After he would be loaded on alcohol he was a different person and was very sexual. The other times we would be together sexually when there was no alcohol involved, he would have sex occasionally but he was cold and not affectionate during these times. He would sometimes actually be almost violent. He never hit me, but looking back on it all now, I feel violated to a degree. I was not equipped to handle something like this. It was so abnormal. Again, when I would ask what is going on with you, he would always say he didn't know. Eventually we came to a point 8 years ago that it was all to much of a hassel and the sex stopped completely. We just remained friends to a point. He lived here with me and we were just like roomates. The thing is he told me he was impotent by this time and this was the reason there was no more sex at all. He still said we were a couple and we never had any understanding that others could be in our relationship. I know I have been stupid here. To put up with this all of these years shows how co dependent I have been. The thing is, I had already been through a divorce and just felt I didn't want to go out and meet another person and start all over again. I was willing to just settle for a platonic relationship with him. Still, if he was able to have sex I expected it to be with me. I have a great job and I am very independent in my professional career, but not with my emotional life. I am told by all my friends that I am still very attractive. This woman is a hag and a slut. What in this world would make a man do a thing like this?? I have talked to many friends on this. After I tell them all of this, and all of the past, people think he is gay. They think he will not admit this and they think that he went to this woman to try and prove something to himself. I wish I could just let all of this go. I would never take him back after this, and this is just the way I am. He has betrayed our friendship, yet there is a part of me that wants so much to understand what has happened here. If anyone has ever known of a situation like this I would appreciate a response.

Thanks so much.

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[Mary3]

No sex for 8 years ?

 

Wow !

 

Well ,its hard to say if he was either Gay or Asexual .

 

All those years did he come home to you at night ? Stay with you all night ?

 

He moved back in with his parents ? How old is he ? 16 ?

 

Did he have sex with this woman ? I read your post and did not see that .

 

Why did you kick him out ? ( assuming he did have sex ? ) with her...?

[tigger]

I hate to say this, but I'd say the cheating started 8 years ago!

 

My best to you.

[HotCaliGirl]

you were married for 21 years, after that with him for 15 = 36 years, let's say you were 21 when you got married, so I would estimate you are at least 57 years old...if your bf is 3 years older than you, then his parents would be at least 80 years old, and now he goes to live with them? Very strange...

 

Maybe he was living with you out of convenience, but through all of the years was seeing her since you say he was with her before you met. If he is impotent, he would've been a good candidate for Viagra. If he was gay, then it was best you didn't have sex so you wouldn't get exposed to STDs if he was sleeping around unprotected.

[Mary3]

you were married for 21 years, after that with him for 15 = 36 years, let's say you were 21 when you got married, so I would estimate you are at least 57 years old...if your bf is 3 years older than you, then his parents would be at least 80 years old, and now he goes to live with them? Very strange...

 

Maybe he was living with you out of convenience, but through all of the years was seeing her since you say he was with her before you met. If he is impotent, he would've been a good candidate for Viagra. If he was gay, then it was best you didn't have sex so you wouldn't get exposed to STDs if he was sleeping around unprotected.

 

She is saying of the 15 years they have been together that 8 of them that they have not had sex.

 

If your calculation is correct , ( age 57 ) then he has been sexing someone at the age of 57/60 and he would likey need Viagra,....because I am not so sure his plumbing is going to be that active...