target-d Posted April 20, 2006 Posted April 20, 2006 But, in this example, I believe there are boundaries. I don't believe that ALL things are tolerable and should be worked on. This is not minor, or okay as far as I am concerned - to cheat on your spouse. I absolutely agree that there are boundaries. One thing, however, that you must keep in mind that each person has different boundaries. It is important that each of us posting on this forum remember that one person's boundaries may not suit another. Also, though it's hard to realize this sometimes, boundaries change for all of us during our life. It's not only difficult, but sometimes impossible to say what our boundaries may or may not be in a situation that is purely speculative. That's not one of life's mistakes. It's not something a man has done to a woman he met yesterday. He's been married to her, and done "life" with her - for all the ups and downs and times of compromise, trials, errors and triumphs. It's because of THAT, he ought to know where the limits are. It's because she suffers his mistakes, and believes he will endure hers, there ought to be a high value on that partnership placed. Ah, but that depends upon so many things and so many trials, errors and triumphs. There are many kinds of mistakes and many kinds of pains. It may very well be that he feels that he has endured hers beyond endurance, still loves her but needs/wants to feel that some part of him is still attractive still desirable to women (and usually it is the sexual part, as when you come right down to it, for both men and women that is the most basic part of us) Willingly breaking the link in that chain of marriage is stupid, idiotic, selfish, and, I'm sorry to say - unforgivable. Some things I would accept as being human and part of life. If my marriage sucked ass through a straw, then fine, I would talk about it and DO something mutually constructive. If my husband couldn't grant me that respect, then out with him. I like to hug trees with the best of them, but no, zero tolerance on this one. And obviously zero tolerance is appropriate for you. I just am pointing out that zero tolerance is NOT appropriate for everyone in every circumstance. I have read on the OW/OM forum many times BS saying there are NO excuses for the OW/OM in an A. And as often as I've read that, I've seen the OW/OM say that there are many excuses/reasons for an A. Those same people I have seen on the infidelity forum say that there is NO reason for a BS to forgive the strayer. It is very important to see that there often ARE reason for the BS to forgive. One of those reasons (and in my opinion the only reason) is hearfelt contrition for the betrayal.
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