amerikajin Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 You long-time posters know who I'm talking about. There's this girl I've been seeing off and on for the past three months. It started off slowly and for a while it looked dead in the water. Things were complicated because we worked together and I felt extremely uncomfortable in that situation. But over the past month, we've really gotten closer. We've had a couple of 'misunderstandings', but they've been related to the same thing, and I think I'm finally beginning to understand her, as she's beginning to understand me. We had a bit of an argument a few nights ago. In fact, what started out as a small problem ended up getting blown a bit out of proportion by both of us. She was late - in fact, she is habitually late, and I told her that I don't appreciate this, to which she responded by saying she's always late for everything and that I should just deal with it, and that she didn't appreciate my lecturing. I ended up saying I thought that she feels like she can get away with this because she's used to guys kissing her ass, but that wasn't my game. We went at it for a while and even talked about 'taking a step back'. But then I choked up a little and said that it was crazy to talk about taking a step back over something like this, that it can be worked out. We ended up having an honest conversation about a lot of things, and I told her that I sometimes have insecurities (I know, not the 'guy' thing to do, but I did it). And then she just put it out there 'Do you sometimes feel like you love me?' And I said 'I don't know if I'm quite there yet'. To which she said 'Oh, okay.' And so I asked 'Well, what about you?' To which she replied 'Yeah, sometimes I feel that way. But that's okay, you don't feel that way'. And I started choking up again and we got close and started talking to each other softly. The result of all of this is that we have become closer than ever. We've had to work for an understanding. We are different people, and at first I may not have been so tolerant of those differences...but I am now. I feel like I am starting to know who she is. Her parents are visiting town and I spent the day with them. This is all happening so fast - much faster than I had anticipated. And now, I'm scared. I am falling in love with this woman and it scares the s*** out of me. A part of me is trying not to fall in love, and she's just too good - she's figured this out about me and she's breaking through my walls. She's been patient with me - much more so than I ever would have expected. She's just so unbelievably gorgeous and gets all kinds of male attention. Exactly why she's put up with some of my s*** I'll never know, but I'm just feeling so lucky right now. At the same time, I'm feeling so incredibly vulnerable. How do you proceed in this situation? Faster? Slower?
TheSwordfish Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Dn't worry about it, I think things are going very well. An argument like this and the way you two handled it, is a great sign, isnt it? (How old are you by the way?)
Curmudgeon Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Let it proceed at its own speed because it will do so naturally anyway. I can relate to the fear. It's what my wife and I both felt by the time of our second date. After being work friends and sharing the same profession for five years (different agencies though), falling in love unnerved both of us. We were both out of practice and the depth of feeling was just plain scary.
johan Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Good luck with her. I have had bad luck with pretty women who are late for things. I'd be willing to bet that this is not the only thing you're going to have to deal with. A good-looking woman who has guys trying to give her things all the time gets her mind twisted about what she should really expect from a relationship. Not to mention all the fake niceness that guys have thrown her way has undoubtedly left some scars. I've known some hot women who thought guys were completely despicable. And when I watched how guys behaved around them, I agreed completely.
Author amerikajin Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 I guess I thought she was late because she was seeing what she could get away with sometimes, but her family was talking about how she was late for everything - even her job sometimes. I don't think she's 'testing' me at all...I think she's true. At least that's what I hope. I am beginning to think I've really stumbled upon someone who connects with me on all levels and I don't want to f*** this up.
Sand&Water Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 I guess I thought she was late because she was seeing what she could get away with sometimes, but her family was talking about how she was late for everything - even her job sometimes. I don't think she's 'testing' me at all...I think she's true. At least that's what I hope. I am beginning to think I've really stumbled upon someone who connects with me on all levels and I don't want to f*** this up. I think everything is going for you pretty smoothly. Take it easy, and don't rush into things. Also, remember that you do have a subconscious persona --- listen to what it has to say. Overall: As long as you don't come up with false crap from outer space that somehow demonizes her, you should be fine.
Vertex Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Totally offtopic question but what does she look like?
MadDog Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 I guess I thought she was late because she was seeing what she could get away with sometimes, but her family was talking about how she was late for everything - even her job sometimes. I don't think she's 'testing' me at all...I think she's true. At least that's what I hope. I am beginning to think I've really stumbled upon someone who connects with me on all levels and I don't want to f*** this up. Perspective makes a huge difference, doesn't it? 2 different girls can do the same thing that I don't like very much (this is rare cause I'm really easy-going) and how I feel about it can be totally different based on what I understand her intentions to be. If I feel like she's trying to test my limits, that really makes me feel disillusioned by her. She ends up getting put into the "typical chick" category and we won't get very far. If it's not intentional, I barely put a full thought into it because I care more about where her heart lies.
Author amerikajin Posted April 17, 2006 Author Posted April 17, 2006 It's a tough call sometimes in the beginning because you just don't really know who people really are initially. I told her that I love her, as she has told me, but I also know that while I do sense some love there, it's not that deep attachment type of love yet; it's more like a love that's just starting, like an appreciation of the person and the fact that you like spending time with this person, and an acknowledgement that I'd be missing something if she were suddenly out of my life. I care about what happens to her, and I am becoming protective of her. It scares me because when I finally let my wall get torn down (something that has really only happened once and hasn't happened in about five years now), I really get into the person; I am no longer that aloof and occasionally playful tease, I become Mr. Sensitivity, and a part of me fears that my sensitivity will be abused. It's not anything she's done outright, but it's behavior which reminds me of my fears that I have deep down inside. A part of me worries that she'll just suddenly have this awakening that it can't work, and she'll take back what she said, and what she prompted me to admit ultimately. I think the real love - the kind that really follows in a deep relationship is probably another three to six months away yet. I think she knows that as well, but she wanted reassurance from me that there's some feelings of depth on my end. Our relationship has actually been pretty good except for three disputes which in retrospect are just due to misunderstandings. I am beginning to understand our differences, and I am starting to feel less threatened by them. She has her own way of showing appreciation. I pay attention to the details in a relationship whereas she looks at the big picture. I get bent if she's late; she doesn't get too concerned over time. She doesn't like texting or e-mail; I use it constantly to communicate and I pay attention to 'netiquette'. In short, I guess I'm "anal". I need to find a way to unwind...doing my best.
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