shelters Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 The ex and I exchanged our things today. Even though he broke it off with me he has still been in contact with me over these past few weeks, emailing me articles he knows would interest me, stuff like that. I think he would like that sort of contact to continue, but I'm not up for it. It really prevents me from the allowing the reality of the situation to set in. I asked him today why he was contacting me with those sort of emails and he said that he loved me deeply and he can't just shut the feeling off. To which I softly reminded him that he is the one who is making this decision to leave. Later in the convo, he told me how he wished he was the person who could make me happy and that he felt that he was the opposite, the person who made my issues worse. I told him how I wished he wouldn't take so much on his shoulders, that my issues are MINE, and they always pop up when I'm in a relationship. At the end I asked him to not be in contact with me anymore, not because I was angry with him or don't love him, but because I would continue to misinterpret his contact as hope. He said ok and that he understood.
johan Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Later in the convo, he told me how he wished he was the person who could make me happy and that he felt that he was the opposite, the person who made my issues worse... It seems like a BS statement: "I'm breaking up with you. Sure wish I could make you happy." Well, don't dump me then, idiot.
bendit Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 He cares only of himself. He lacks empathy. Contact with him will be like a chinese water torture that never ends. surprisingly, some folks put themselves through this. I hope you are not one of them. regards
goodbutch Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 I had to bring my g/f things to her parents house today... i understand how you just cant heal while still in contact.. granted most of the contact I have had with my ex has been hatefull on her part but I know the feeling of needing no contact.. wish my ex would leave me alone too..
Author shelters Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 Just got in from a night out with friends. Funny how going out to a bar filled with plenty of good looking people can just add to your loneliness... so not my scene. I can see how anger is useful for some in order to move on. I don't really buy into the whole he's/she's-an-a**h***/bitch-move-on approach, at least not in my situation. Would I have preferred my ex not have spoken so casually today to me about our relationship, about me, etc? Sure. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism on his part. Perhaps I'd just like to believe it was. Rightly or wrongly I choose to believe that all of us are doing the best we possibly can with what tools we currently have. I choose to believe that by leaving he was/is taking care of himself and putting his needs first. Does it hurt like a sonofab****? Hell yes. But I have a say in all this too... and my say is that I can't/will not be the only person in the boat with hope, the only person fighting for the relationship, the only person who believes that "meant to be" is a choice we both have to make. So despite that my choice was "us," I now enforce my NC boundary... and take it one day at a time... ride out the lows with faith that there are some highs to come.
AltplanB2 Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 I wish you much luck. Ive been through the whole ordeal and have dealt with it for 6+ months now. Its like "Fight Club." You have to lose all hope and kill every little thing inside you telling you their the one for you. Only once you have done that, can you begin to become free.
Author shelters Posted April 17, 2006 Author Posted April 17, 2006 Thanks. I'm just beginning this process. I can't wait for the day when he is not on my mind every second of the day... as it is now, my favorite part of the day is nightime when I go to sleep. Just before falling asleep I imagine what I'd want to be happening with us hoping it will influence my dreams that night. I don't mind dreaming about him at all. Prefer it actually.
AltplanB2 Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Wow i hope that doesn't start to plague you like most of us. I feel terrible dreaming about my ex. Makes me miss them more.
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