littlepiggy1 Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 I think a lot depends on how one views dating. If one views it as a chore to get past to be able to get into a new relationship, then yeah, I can see how one wouldn't like dating. Put that way, it's almost like a job interview. And nobody likes job interviews. On the other hand, you can view it for the experience itself. IOW, a chance to go do something with somebody you don't fully know. Even if you don't click, it doesn't work out, or they turn out to be a freak, at least you can bank the experience. And like MadDog says, even the bad dates can make for good stories.
ms_jnj Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Hell, I'm 23 and can't take dating in the 21 century. Men my age are.......*struggling for diplomatic wording*......idiots. I guess I was unable to be diplomatic. Now there are always exceptions to the rule, somewhere, I hope. But really...I want to meet a person of great character...I hope it will actually happen one of these days.
Mary3 Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 I'm tempted to just go the route of going celibate or something. Sigh. Dating is so hard. It's such a long process and it feels like a gamble to me once you start getting serious. So much time gets invested. It's hard to get to that point where you trust each other, know virtually everything about each other including preferences, and are very comfortable in almost every aspect. Why not take the casual approach to dating ? Have no expectations, have fun , enjoy meeting people, date quite often and treat them like a friend ? It saves alot of hassle of losing your own freedom and you pretty much run your own life. I used to have expectations. Now I have none. If something nice happens ,great. If not , oh well, there are more people to meet out there. Take the seriousness out of it and relax and that may be how you find someone when aren't really trying
aleatoryd Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Happy Easter everyone! Well I'm not too sure about celibracy... I think there is a time and place to be single but that shouldn't neccesarily be celibacy - that is a gift that some people get and should be very much respected. However, I believe that if God (or whatever you believe in as creator or enlightenment) created you with desires to find a partner and settle down (married or not) raise a family etc. Well then that is what you should do. Sure we should avoid the pressure of others expectations or wanting to do what other people have done but ultimately if you want a certain achievable and realistic goal then you should always be striving towards it. I know what it's like to give up and being 25 and watching all my social network change dynamic as people are getting in to relationships, having kids and getting married (usuallly in that order LOL!) well that can be hard. I don't think it's getting easier to meet people which I guess is why I took a random trip on an Christian Online Dating website - there were no single Christian girls in my church or any other avenue I could explore so subconsciously I must have thought it was a good idea! Well at least a website allows you to meet apparently like minded people in your area (though some are real psychos!). I don't know what will come of it but I met at least one nice girl and it was uplifting because although that's not my prefered way of meeting someone at least it "maybe" can work! We sometimes have to move with society and diversify. Take care!
justagirliegirl Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 If this relationship doesn't work out, I'll just stay single. I'm quite happy with myself. As for dating, I am glad I have never really had to do it. My bf and I got together by accident. Neither one of us was looking for someone. I am very selective and therefore having avoided many of the typical problems.
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 My bf and I got together by accident. Neither one of us was looking for someone. When I assked my wife out for the first time I wasn't thinkiong of romance, just a pleasant day at the beach with an established friend and some adult conversation. I'd been divorced and living like a monl for two years and marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. My wife had been sinjgle and divorced for 18 years and had some real trust and abandonment issues so she wasn't thinking romance either. In our collective experience, love comes best when you're least looking for it.
Kittiecat Posted April 30, 2006 Posted April 30, 2006 In our collective experience, love comes best when you're least looking for it. My mom has been saying the same thing to me for years! The problem is that I'm always looking, even when I say I'm not.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 30, 2006 Posted April 30, 2006 I haven't dated much. But I always have a romantic idea of what dating is like. I don't understand why you guys (and girls) liken dating to "having a root canal" or going through a thick thorn bush! Am I alone in thinking that dating is fun and exciting??
Touche Posted April 30, 2006 Posted April 30, 2006 dating sucks... well, not even the dating part, just the "does he like me, should i ask him out" guessing game sucks. I never really dated much, i met my exh when i was 20. Now i'm 31, and I dont even know how to start. The guys who want to date me, i dont want to date. The guys i might want to date, dont show interest. I prefered being married, but only because I didnt need to worry about having a relationship. My marriage wasnt as good as it should have been tho, and so I hope to have a better relationship next time around. I just wish I could get over the fear and meet someone worth getting to know. Not to poke fun at your post but this line cracked me up:lmao: I prefered being married, but only because I didnt need to worry about having a relationship. Yes, I know what you meant to say but it was funny. Even when you're married you have to "worry", to a certain extent, about having a relationship...one with your spouse. Anyway, to the topic at hand...I agree. It's tough dating. I hated it. And MadDog is right. It seems to really be luck in a way. I didn't meet my husband until I was in my 30's. If someone had told me in my 20's that I would have had to wait THAT long to meet THE one, I might have been very depressed at the prospect. But I suppose that's better than NEVER meeting that person at all. In the meantime, it's not a waste of time. You really do learn from the dating experience. Especially from the relationships that don't work out.
radiation7740 Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Yes dating is hard work and emotionally draining. I'm dropping out of the game for awhile. Yes dating is a game. Marriage is not a game. I'm actually feeling better ever since I applied NC with my ex. I'm seeing results of it. I have made new female friends but I'm not ready to get involved with anyone romantically. I'm enjoying my freedom. I'm still in the process of reprogramming my mind. I have no problem eating in a restaraunt alone or going to the movies alone. I ate out for dinner tonight and I enjoyed myself. Of course one advantage of being single is that I'm not under any pressure to perform for anyone. I'm free to be myself. I wish I grew up in the 60s too. I don't like the generation I'm living in.
Author Curmudgeon Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 I wish I grew up in the 60s too. I don't like the generation I'm living in. Trust me, they weren't all that! We had Vietnam, social turmoil, freedom marches (and deaths) due to civil rights, civil disobedience, you name it. It may sound romantic looking back but it wasn't when you were in the middle of it like I was.
Touche Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Just wanted to agree as well that love comes when you're NOT looking. It really does. Kind of like that watched pot that never boils. It NEVER happened when I was actively "looking." Never.
MadDog Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Yeah, dating can be tiring but it's a good kind of tiring; it's the same kind of tired as when you get tired from hanging out with your friends and having fun until the early morning. I think you just have to enjoy the dating experience for what it is: an opportunity to have some fun and get to know someone. Besides, it's always fun hanging out with someone you're attracted to. If you see it as a chore or obstacle you have to get through to find a relationship, I could see why dating would seem like a bum deal. Having that attitude though would be like going through college not for the experience or knowledge you gain but sheerly for the degree. I'm sure college would suck then too when it's actually quite enjoyable with the right attitude.
Touche Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Yeah, dating can be tiring but it's a good kind of tiring; it's the same kind of tired as when you get tired from hanging out with your friends and having fun until the early morning. I think you just have to enjoy the dating experience for what it is: an opportunity to have some fun and get to know someone. Besides, it's always fun hanging out with someone you're attracted to. If you see it as a chore or obstacle you have to get through to find a relationship, I could see why dating would seem like a bum deal. Having that attitude though would be like going through college not for the experience or knowledge you gain but sheerly for the degree. I'm sure college would suck then too when it's actually quite enjoyable with the right attitude. You must have WAY better dates than I did when I was dating!
MadDog Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 You must have WAY better dates than I did when I was dating! Not all of them were that great but some of them made for some hilarious stories. Like this one time I was in college and I decided to take out this girl. She was decent company but I didn't feel a huge connection with her. Near the middle/end of the date, I was contemplating whether I should ask her out again and give her more of a chance or just move on. Somewhere around then I found out she was only 17 (I was 20 at the time.) Needless to say I didn't call her back.
Mary3 Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Yes dating is hard work and emotionally draining. I'm dropping out of the game for awhile. Yes dating is a game. Marriage is not a game. I'm actually feeling better ever since I applied NC with my ex. I'm seeing results of it. I have made new female friends but I'm not ready to get involved with anyone romantically. I'm enjoying my freedom. I'm still in the process of reprogramming my mind. I have no problem eating in a restaraunt alone or going to the movies alone. I ate out for dinner tonight and I enjoyed myself. Of course one advantage of being single is that I'm not under any pressure to perform for anyone. I'm free to be myself. I wish I grew up in the 60s too. I don't like the generation I'm living in. As MadDog said : Dating should be fun. Its a learning experience. To not date ( meaning going out on dates ) if you are single would seem really boring . I like meeting new people. I think if there is a * goal * it probrobly won't be achieved through dating. If you just enjoy the casual atmosphere and no heavy stuff then it works fine. If you look at each potential date as someone you want a relationship with then it could get frustrating to not feel a connection. I pretty much gave up on finding * the one * special guy. If he comes along then I will stop and get off the train. Until then I am enjoying the ride
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