Curmudgeon Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 After reading the threads here for awhile, Y'all make me very glad I'm not dating in the 21st Century. When I divorced the ex one of my biggest fears was the prospect of dating in the '90s after not having dated since the 60s. Things seem even more complicated and ritualistic now than they were even a decade ago, especially with the advent of the Internet. Post-divorce, I had three absolute requirements for any woman with whom I might enter into a relationship. Thankfully I chose wisely and well and ended up with someone who met all three, and more. My hat's off to those of you who not just date nowadays, but actually survive to tell the tale. I'm not sure I'd have the strength anymore. It sure seemed simpler in the 60s than it seems to be now. Of course, maybe I'm just showing my age!
westernxer Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 I should've grown up in the '60s. I hate dating. Always have.
2sunny Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Here's the approach I am taking at this point C=Lion. After 23 years with my ex I am no longer married (he cheated) and I don't want to completely isolate myself. Hanging with my married friends only goes so far. So, I do go on a dinner date every week or two. I have several choices at this point. Nothing serious at all, just really to enjoy each others company. I make it perfectly clear that I am not interested in someone making demands on me (had that for 23 years). So, the dating world is OKAY, I wouldn't have it as a first choice, but most people are generally fun and interesting if you choose correctly!
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 15, 2006 Author Posted April 15, 2006 I guess it all just comes down to that, doesn't it -- choosing wisely. But for some reason there seems to be much more pressure to "perform" now than there was back in my day.
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 15, 2006 Author Posted April 15, 2006 LOL! Don't forget, we didn't have the Internet, or even computers, cell phones, cable TV, electronic games, IPods or even the Walkman, or many of the other diversions of this day-and-age. Hmmm! Maybe that's why it was simpler. Of course, you couldn't vote until age 21 and shotgun weddings were still in vogue. But gas prices were in the 20s (cents) and designer clothes hadn't been conceived of except for the filthy-rich elite.
Art_Critic Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 I was married and in a relationship thru my 30's and now in my 40's I find dating real tough.. I get tired of spending time getting to know someone and showing them who I am just to have to repeat it all over and over and over.. It gets old.. I really do think it is easier to stay single..
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 15, 2006 Author Posted April 15, 2006 If I hadn't lucked-out the first time around, I'd certainly have done so. This is the last relationship for me. I wouldn't have the energy for another.
MadDog Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 I really do think it is easier to stay single.. Sure but what in life is worthwhile and doesn't take any work?
Sand&Water Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 I really do think it is easier to stay single.. Isn't mating part of the cycle of life? Being able to engage in a meaningful relationship, is one aspect of life. Producing an offspring out of a loving relationship, only increases your gene pool to grow, and your generation to flourish. So please the most of it. But, If you've won a Darwin Award... Please, Please, and lastly please I advice you to choose the single life !
Rosalind Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 This is the last relationship for me. I wouldn't have the energy for another. I understand...I feel the same way.
aleatoryd Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 I get tired of spending time getting to know someone and showing them who I am just to have to repeat it all over and over and over.. I know how you feel Art_Critic. I can empathise - so far that has been my experience a handful of great girls who I really liked and pretty much gave them my life... the real me... everything. I never held back, would have thought they were the one and been happy only they always innevitably put me in the "friendship bin" so I grew discouraged. Then I stopped looking. I know you're think what do you know you're only 25 still young but that said - to me it has been pretty much my lifetime experiencing the same scenario so thats a darn long time to me! Then I noticed that there were things about these girls that had I gone out with them I might not have been so happy in the long term. I'm not going to say that each girl I met was "better" than the next - that's not fair on them. But each girl I've met has progressively been more suitable to me OR perhaps what I look for in a girl has matured... then again perhaps my standards have lowered LOL! Anyway I was dooming myself to singleness but (as I've mentioned in other threads) through randomness I joined a dsating website as a trial member. I met someone and we connected. I'm not naive enough to think that this will definitely be "the one"... yeah I'm a little more pragmatic and balanced not head-over-heels (well a little but in moderation) but I hope she will be a significant other. Basically that's my point I have regained my Hope and even if she isn't I am gradually picking myself back up. I now more than ever believe there is a type of person out there who is right for us and given the right circumstances they could develop into our "soul mate" but it takes time, effort and vulnerability on our part - sacrifice and some times we lose and sometimes one of us isn't ready. I've cried over lost girls but if I end up with the right girl then I'd be deleriously happy. I really hope things work out for you Art_Critic, Curmudgeon, Rosalind and everyone else who is feeling worn down. I really find it uplifting hearing how some people are going well. I've only just joined but already appreciate the advice and community here. All the best.
brightskies Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 After reading the threads here for awhile, Y'all make me very glad I'm not dating in the 21st Century. When I divorced the ex one of my biggest fears was the prospect of dating in the '90s after not having dated since the 60s. Things seem even more complicated and ritualistic now than they were even a decade ago, especially with the advent of the Internet. Ritualistic how? I'm thinking that part of what complicates dating now is that we're supposed to be progressive and throwing out the old-fashioned way of doing things, (chivalry etc., etc.), and now people don't have basic guidelines and anything goes? Post-divorce, I had three absolute requirements for any woman with whom I might enter into a relationship. Thankfully I chose wisely and well and ended up with someone who met all three, and more. What were your requirements? My hat's off to those of you who not just date nowadays, but actually survive to tell the tale. I'm not sure I'd have the strength anymore. It sure seemed simpler in the 60s than it seems to be now. Oh yeah. I'm only in my 20s and I'm starting to feel like if things don't work out with this one, I might just have to seriously consider being single forever.
MadDog Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Oh yeah. I'm only in my 20s and I'm starting to feel like if things don't work out with this one, I might just have to seriously consider being single forever. You might not meet the person who's right for you until your 30's or 40's. It's all blind luck.
brightskies Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 I get tired of spending time getting to know someone and showing them who I am just to have to repeat it all over and over and over.. It gets old.. I really do think it is easier to stay single.. I hear you. And I remember how much I enjoyed the simplicity of being single after my last break-up. But then, after awhile, being single also wears on you. What is it Freud said? Something like, "Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness." Unless you're that very rare person who can remain loveless (I'm guessing he meant in the couple/non-platonic sense?), it'll always be a drive to seek it out. Sigh. Sometimes, I envy my cat. He's got it easy.
dgiirl Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 dating sucks... well, not even the dating part, just the "does he like me, should i ask him out" guessing game sucks. I never really dated much, i met my exh when i was 20. Now i'm 31, and I dont even know how to start. The guys who want to date me, i dont want to date. The guys i might want to date, dont show interest. I prefered being married, but only because I didnt need to worry about having a relationship. My marriage wasnt as good as it should have been tho, and so I hope to have a better relationship next time around. I just wish I could get over the fear and meet someone worth getting to know.
brightskies Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 You might not meet the person who's right for you until your 30's or 40's. It's all blind luck. Gaaaaah. You're right. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to the process. I go back into the dating pool kicking and screaming. Every single time.
Art_Critic Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 You might not meet the person who's right for you until your 30's or 40's. It's all blind luck. It is all blind luck.. in your 30's and 40's your think you find the one that is right for you only to find out that you aren't right for them .. or ultimately you find out you aren't meant to be together.. Wash/Rinse/Repeat until the spark is found that starts the fire that never goes out
MadDog Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Gaaaaah. You're right. But that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to the process. I go back into the dating pool kicking and screaming. Every single time. It's surprising how so many people liken the dating process to getting a root canal. I personally enjoy the dating process. Even bad experiences can make for good stories. Having a boring life. Now that blows.
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 Ritualistic how? I'm thinking that part of what complicates dating now is that we're supposed to be progressive and throwing out the old-fashioned way of doing things, (chivalry etc., etc.), and now people don't have basic guidelines and anything goes? That's just it. There appears to be an expectation that everything revolves around and end up in sex. "Anything goes" is a ritual unto itself and you had better be progressive or you're out of the car. What were your requirements? 1) Long-term employed with her own retirement fund or investments. 2) No school-aged children still at home. 3) Post-menopausal! Oh yeah. I'm only in my 20s and I'm starting to feel like if things don't work out with this one, I might just have to seriously consider being single forever. I could have easily handled single forever and would, if anything happened to my current marriage. But then again, I'm almost 60 so the prospect isn't quite as it would have been in my 20s.
Art_Critic Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 I could have easily handled single forever and would, if anything happened to my current marriage. That is my rub.. I ebb and flow like the tide with this one.. I love my life and I'm happy with almost all avenues of my life so contentment is easy.. but then finding that one is what is tough.. At times I would almost spend time out doing the lawn or up in the mountains than to go thru anymore half assed dates..
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 Ya mean we're supposed to mate? What an innovative idea. At my age, I think I'll pass on the possibility of more offspring.
honeybunch2k5 Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 I hate dating so much! I think I'm going to remain single for the next few years because everything that seems to happen to me fits into one category: 1. I like the guy he doesn't like me. I like very, very few guys so tha always hurts. 2. He claims to like me but dumps me anyway. 3. I don't like him, but he's crazy about me. Right now the idea of joining a convent is becoming very appealing...
Vertex Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 I'm tempted to just go the route of going celibate or something. Sigh. Dating is so hard. It's such a long process and it feels like a gamble to me once you start getting serious. So much time gets invested. It's hard to get to that point where you trust each other, know virtually everything about each other including preferences, and are very comfortable in almost every aspect.
Author Curmudgeon Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 For both you and Vortex, my wife was on the verge of shaving her head and joining a Buddhist convent before I fiinally asked her out and spoiled her plans. I'd been celibate for over two years. Never say "never," Ladies!
7on Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Yeah I probably shouldn't say anything seeing that I've only had a handfull of dates in my life and only with one woman - sigh. I really didn't like the whole "date" process. I really don't like sharing my feelings, but I know with dating I eventually have to. Sometimes I think I'll just end up single due to my pickiness. Not that I view singleness as bad - it's just that "being" with someone feeling that everyone is talking about. It's like this "desire" to want to create a family, share a life sorta thing that I guess a majority of us humans share. I've never been one to try and date. And this woman I was going on dates with probably could have worked - I have no impressions that I did anything wrong - it's just that her priorities seemed to not be on starting a relationship. True if she had real feelings for me these priorities wouldn't have mattered so I'm under no illustion that what she said was true - I know that "not having time for a realtionship" really just means that "you're fun, just not long-term fun." I can see that personally. I'm real awesome externally - good looking, out-going, funny - but it seems that once people know me for a while they start distancing themselves from me. I think of me akin as something that's rich in sugar. You know, tastes really good at first but eventually the taste overwelms you and you can't be around it anymore? I know, kinda bad for me to be talking about me in this way - but aknowledging our faults is the first step in fixing them. I also believe everything happens for a reason. The biggest reason that I can figure out (other than experience) why I took the plunge for my first dating adventure was so I'd get going back to church. Every sermon since going back has really opened my eyes to other events happening in my life. Oh well, that's just my take on this. My roommate really is confused by me and my "dating" views. Apparently he does hold "the 60s" view of relationships. With his girlfriend, he tells me, he and her just hung out a lot until people mentioned they should be gf and bf. Of course I'm starting to see the negative impact of his views. He and his GF have been dating for 3 years and ideas of marriage is just taboo for both of them. Of course, negative for me don't know if he or she views their situation as negative. Shrug. I just hate falling in love. It just makes me queesy, unable to eat, and absent minded. When I dated that girl I mentioned I lost around 10lbs that I know of. I am 6'1" and 165lbs normally so 155 wasn't too "healthy." grumble arranged marriaged would be ALOT easier that this crap we have to deal with nowadays.
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