Unlucky Wife Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 WTF was I thinking? Working on this pathetic lie of a M. Boy was I stupid!!!!! How could I have been so freakin gullible to think he was truthful in his words about changing, getting help. Is my self-esteem that low that I thought I would get no one else who would treat me right? WTH is wrong with me? During our trial seperation H decides to bang some woman he met at work. He thought she was so wonderful, loved her, wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Ex-OW didn't complain at all about him. Wasn't trying to change him into something she wanted and/or liked. She liked him for him. Ex-OW didn't know the real MM she was sleeping with. She only got the good of the MM. She had the newness of the relationship. She found him attractive just I had. But his true colors didn't show thru, there wasn't enough time for them to spend together for his true colors to show thru. All they had was sneaking around finding somewhere to bang eachother. They didn't have to worry about agreeing on child raising issues, bills, morgage, crap like that. She didn't have to worry about washing his clothes, picking up his s***, making him meals, and worry about the money he spent on useless crap. Then it comes time for my H to think the OW isn't what he really wants anymore. He gets to know her more, gets to know her more outside of work, grossed out about something sexual about her. Talks badly about her scummy friends, talks about how disgusting her house is because she is an awful housekeeper. Complains about her teeth being disgusting (WTH, didn't he know this before he even kissed her?) The fun is over, he wants me back. And WTH do I do...take his sorry cheating ass back thinking he can change. I've known M to survive an affair. He did change, for the first six months after he moved back in with me and then it went to s*** again! Want a D, but can't afford the f'in thing. Want him to leave, tell him to leave, he wont go! I refuse to move, this is MY HOME! I was the one that busted MY ass to get this house and every little thing that goes wrong who has to call and get it fixed ME! I'm not leaving. Why couldn't the exOW be more of what he wanted? WTH didn't he stay with her? The ex-OW is the lucky one. She should be happy he broke it off with her.
lovernotafighter Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 WTF was I thinking? Working on this pathetic lie of a M. Boy was I stupid!!!!! How could I have been so freakin gullible to think he was truthful in his words about changing, getting help. Is my self-esteem that low that I thought I would get no one else who would treat me right? WTH is wrong with me? During our trial seperation H decides to bang some woman he met at work. He thought she was so wonderful, loved her, wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Ex-OW didn't complain at all about him. Wasn't trying to change him into something she wanted and/or liked. She liked him for him. Ex-OW didn't know the real MM she was sleeping with. She only got the good of the MM. She had the newness of the relationship. She found him attractive just I had. But his true colors didn't show thru, there wasn't enough time for them to spend together for his true colors to show thru. All they had was sneaking around finding somewhere to bang eachother. They didn't have to worry about agreeing on child raising issues, bills, morgage, crap like that. She didn't have to worry about washing his clothes, picking up his s***, making him meals, and worry about the money he spent on useless crap. Then it comes time for my H to think the OW isn't what he really wants anymore. He gets to know her more, gets to know her more outside of work, grossed out about something sexual about her. Talks badly about her scummy friends, talks about how disgusting her house is because she is an awful housekeeper. Complains about her teeth being disgusting (WTH, didn't he know this before he even kissed her?) The fun is over, he wants me back. And WTH do I do...take his sorry cheating ass back thinking he can change. I've known M to survive an affair. He did change, for the first six months after he moved back in with me and then it went to s*** again! Want a D, but can't afford the f'in thing. Want him to leave, tell him to leave, he wont go! I refuse to move, this is MY HOME! I was the one that busted MY ass to get this house and every little thing that goes wrong who has to call and get it fixed ME! I'm not leaving. Why couldn't the exOW be more of what he wanted? WTH didn't he stay with her? The ex-OW is the lucky one. She should be happy he broke it off with her. well what happened this time around? is he back with the OW or does he have a new one or something? I wonder if you can have the cops come and get him out?
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Well, he found out first hand that the grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence...Just really s***ty that he had to put you through it all to realize he wants you and not her. Give it one last shot, put in 100% to see what happens. Go to marriage counselling. If it doesn't work out alteast you know you tried. Giving up now and not giving it time to see how things go - You could regret that later.
Unlucky Wife Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 well what happened this time around? is he back with the OW or does he have a new one or something? I wonder if you can have the cops come and get him out? Not back with the ow, he can't stand her, really ashamed he had an affair with her. I actually had to talk him out of doing stupid crap to her car because of the way she know acts towards him at work (calls him names, thinks he is trying to get her fired and isn't, ect). He has anger issues, the reason for our trial seperation in the first place. He can be a very loving man when he wants to be but as soon as something doesn't go his way he starts bitching and complaining. From what I understand about verbal abuse that is what he is, abusive. He doesn't call me names anymore like he did before the A but he is always bitching about something. I told him he needs professional help for his anger but he wont do it, too much pride. He complains all the time. And I thought women (including myself) nagged all the time. He is the biggest bitcher and moaner of a man I have ever met. He is immature on top of it all. The man is almost 40 and when he gets his butt kicked on a video game he starts yelling and cussing at the stupid video game! I hate living like this. At times I have thought about calling the ex-OW and telling her to get her a$$ up here...she can have him back.
Sami_D Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Why do you want him back, given that you know his 'true colours'? Beware the MM telling all women in his life just how apalling and 'bad-toothed' the other women are... This is a forum for OW... if you want advice on whether or not to take back your scummy H, try: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/
Jessie61 Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Try to put the OW and the rest of it to one side for a moment, and concentrate on what YOU want. Do you want HIM? Is HE worth it? etc.... Once you know the answer to that question, then everything will work itself out.
Guest Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 The ex-OW is the lucky one. She should be happy he broke it off with her. Yep.... you're right. The irony is that when a MM gets caught and goes into damage control with his W, the OW typically wish that was the choice he didn't make. But, the OW has no choice eventually than to accept she's second cab of the rank, always was and always will be. Then, in my case, you start to think about how he handled the whole event of being caught - the constant contact with the OW whilst telling the W it's over... the OW soon realise they're GLAD he didn't choose her. And, no, it's not because of the money he spends on crap and the mundane things in life's routine that we're happy. We're happy because he's a dishonest, disloyal, distrustful human being, and our second wish in life is that the poor W gets out and gets on to have a fulfilling life without him. We're not sitting here thinking of the W thinking "you got what you deserve". We're asking the question in these forums ALL the time - why do the W's take them back???
OzGirl Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 The ex-OW is the lucky one. She should be happy he broke it off with her. Yep.... you're right. The irony is that when a MM gets caught and goes into damage control with his W, the OW typically wish that was the choice he didn't make. But, the OW has no choice eventually than to accept she's second cab of the rank, always was and always will be. Then, in my case, you start to think about how he handled the whole event of being caught - the constant contact with the OW whilst telling the W it's over... the OW soon realise they're GLAD he didn't choose her. And, no, it's not because of the money he spends on crap and the mundane things in life's routine that we're happy. We're happy because he's a dishonest, disloyal, distrustful human being, and our second wish in life is that the poor W gets out and gets on to have a fulfilling life without him. We're not sitting here thinking of the W thinking "you got what you deserve". We're asking the question in these forums ALL the time - why do the W's take them back???
lovernotafighter Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Yep.... you're right. The irony is that when a MM gets caught and goes into damage control with his W, the OW typically wish that was the choice he didn't make. But, the OW has no choice eventually than to accept she's second cab of the rank, always was and always will be. Then, in my case, you start to think about how he handled the whole event of being caught - the constant contact with the OW whilst telling the W it's over... the OW soon realise they're GLAD he didn't choose her. And, no, it's not because of the money he spends on crap and the mundane things in life's routine that we're happy. We're happy because he's a dishonest, disloyal, distrustful human being, and our second wish in life is that the poor W gets out and gets on to have a fulfilling life without him. We're not sitting here thinking of the W thinking "you got what you deserve". We're asking the question in these forums ALL the time - why do the W's take them back??? I could have not said that better Oz...nicely put. I love my MM...but lets say we do end up together hmm...it is not my wish to have to wonder (and he told me this him self about me) all the time if he's cheating on me..lieing to me like he did his wife...the newness wears off in any relationship and that's where we are left to wonder..he did it to her..he'll do it to me. we went in cake-eaters...we didn't intend on falling love..whats to say we won't be again if we ended up together? when we got caught talking..or IM whatever..he managed to circumvent the whole thing and continue..not just continue but make it worse by more contact in other ways. I also know if he got caught again and did drop me like a hot potato,I know his wife would keep him and in the same token I know him well enough to know he will take it out on her...coldness and aloofness isn't foreign to this man and also he never blames him self for anything. (well rarely anyway) and I would ask "why do you take him back?" for myself right now even though I'm in love with him,I don't know if I want him..so what gives with the wife who won't really trust him ever again? I'd definatly wonder why but I'd never feel she deserves the Bullsh*t
My_Other_I Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 This is really sad but most OW who were abandonded by MM find later how lucky they truly have been. The lying cheating man remains in his wife's arms and mercy, and also in his cycle of patterns. The MM is an immature man (in general) who is never happy and easily confused by his own life and actions. What are the chances that he will start being honest with you now? Would you say slim to none? If you consider your self unlucky to have been 'stuck' with him, why is it that you don't leave him? Make him pay for the D, change the locks, send him to the curb side. The decision is yours, complaining won't get you anywhere. Remember, your typical MM/WS wants his decision to be made for him (just to break it and question it later). He will not stop lying, cheating or living in your home unless you put a stop to it.
Sami_D Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 This is really sad but most OW who were abandonded by MM find later how lucky they truly have been. The lying cheating man remains in his wife's arms and mercy, and also in his cycle of patterns. The MM is an immature man (in general) who is never happy and easily confused by his own life and actions. What are the chances that he will start being honest with you now? Would you say slim to none? If you consider your self unlucky to have been 'stuck' with him, why is it that you don't leave him? Make him pay for the D, change the locks, send him to the curb side. The decision is yours, complaining won't get you anywhere. It's true that we've seen this type of MM over and over on this forum... but mostly from the OW point of view. I'm still not sure what your (the OP) message or aim is here... YES, your H is something of a waste of time... but... so what..? Why are you posting here? What is your aim..? Do you want him back or not? And either way, you will get a lot more help and guidance from other Ws who took back lying, cheating, useless men... rather than the OW who is moving on.
My_Other_I Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 It's true that we've seen this type of MM over and over on this forum... but mostly from the OW point of view. I came to that conclusion based on reading both, the OW and the BS opinions. I think it is a very typical behavior for a typical MM. Let's say the most common behavior? I am not trying to say that it's all the same by any means, but would you agree that this type of behavior is the most common among cheaters?
beachrosie Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 WTF was I thinking? How could I have been so freakin gullible to think he was truthful in his words about changing, getting help. WTH is wrong with me? Perhaps you too weren't being honest? trial seperation H decides to bang some woman he met at work. He thought she was so wonderful, loved her, wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Perhaps you would want that too if you met someone that was nice to you, unlike what you say he is to you?? She didn't have to worry about washing his clothes, picking up his s***, making him meals, and worry about the money he spent on useless crap. Did he never wash clothes? Why not? Did he not pick up sh--? Did he not make meals? Did he work? Do you work? Spending money on useless crap is interesting. Did you ever buy anything that might be useless to another person? He gets to know her more, gets to know her more outside of work, grossed out about something sexual about her. Talks badly about her scummy friends, talks about how disgusting her house is because she is an awful housekeeper. Something sexual? He wasn't grossed out by something sexual about you when he met her?? Did he not talk badly about your choice of words or your family? Complains about her teeth being disgusting (WTH, didn't he know this before he even kissed her?) If he was complaining about her teeth, can you imagine what he was complaining about you to her? Afterall, she was like a angel to him, as you said. He did change, for the first six months after he moved back in with me and then it went to s*** again! That's a surprise. Do you have children? Want a D, but can't afford the f'in thing. That is equally as precious. You know...I am a really nice person, but this post is like the meanest and nastiest thing I have ever seen. Perhaps the marriage was like this before you both encouraged an innocent victim to step in? Want him to leave, tell him to leave, he wont go! I refuse to move, this is MY HOME! Didn't he pay for it too? I was the one that busted MY ass to get this house and every little thing that goes wrong who has to call and get it fixed ME! Why is that? The OW started all of this?? I'm not leaving. Why not...you are totally miserable? I mean, you have cursed at least 13 times in your post. Why couldn't the exOW be more of what he wanted? WTH didn't he stay with her? The ex-OW is the lucky one. She should be happy he broke it off with her. The reality probably is that she ended it with him. If he told you otherwise it is because he is as horrible as you described. If he told the truth, then you shouldn't be with him either. Afterall, you did say he cheated on you...didn't you? Sorry, I would normally feel bad for people but I'm sure there is another side of this story...and it is way different than yours.
zarathustra Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 Hi there, you may get better support at the Marriage and Life Partner forum or the Separation and Divorce forum. Maybe folks from the latter group may be able to advise you on where to get a cheap divorce. Good luck.
beachrosie Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 Hi there, you may get better support at the Marriage and Life Partner forum or the Separation and Divorce forum. Maybe folks from the latter group may be able to advise you on where to get a cheap divorce. Good luck. Thank you for correcting me and saying really what I wanted to say. This one just disturbed me. I am sorry. Thank you again.
lovernotafighter Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 Hi there, you may get better support at the Marriage and Life Partner forum or the Separation and Divorce forum. Maybe folks from the latter group may be able to advise you on where to get a cheap divorce. Good luck.my mother I think went to a place called legal aid and got her divorce for like 250.00 bucks..I'll ask her soon and reply back
Guest Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 Hi there, you may get better support at the Marriage and Life Partner forum or the Separation and Divorce forum. Maybe folks from the latter group may be able to advise you on where to get a cheap divorce. Good luck. I don't get why everyone's so disturbed by the OP's post...? Yeah, this is an OW forum, but this particular BS isn't actually trashing OW - instead, she's trashing MM and confirming to OW that they're well out of relationships with these kinds of guys, so why's everyone so pissed off? This BS isn't saying anything that hasn't been said by both OW and BS time and time again: MM is lying to both women, MM's relationship with OW doesn't include daily housekeeping chores and child-raising so it's a fantasy of sorts for him, isn't he a jerk, etc. etc. Aside from the nasty comments about the OW by her husband that she repeated (and was skeptical of!!) she didn't actually say anything about the OW herself. This post was all about him and what an ass he is. Why's that objectionable to people? And then she said she didn't want to be with him anymore and she herself doesn't know why she took him back. Are we reading the same post? I'm way confused about the take you all have on it. I don't know. She maybe shouldn't have come onto this forum to vent since she's a BS, but otherwise I think you guys are looking for a fight that isn't there.
OzGirl Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Yeah, okay, whatever. If she was wanting support, then there's an infidelity forum here for that which many OW frequent. So, why did you post? To comment on everyone else mis-interpreting what the purpose of her post was? How are YOU helping her find the answers she's after then? Sounds like you're just thinking out aloud. Homer Simpson does that, too I think. *Anyhoo*... you post in a forum, you can't control who replies, what they say, the bias they have, or how much it helps you therefore. Get over it.
mopar crazy Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Maybe she didn't mean to post in the OW/OM board? Who knows. I know sometimes I have just been reading around each part of LS and maybe she was doing that and just didn't look at where she was posting, accidents happen. Or it could be that she just wanted to get it off her chest that the OW was better off without him and she wanted to reassure some OW that their MM is really a jerk but never shows that to the OW. Like OP and many other ppl have said OW get the fun of the A, not the responsibilities of every day life. WWIU always is right on target with that one. To the OP, I can see your anger and frustration. My M wasn't the best b4 his A (during our seperation/D). When he wanted me back I had a hard decided whether or not to take him back. It took me several weeks and A LOT of prayers to decide. The M has improved since the A but there is a few issues that we still have once in awhile but nothing that can be worked out w/ communication. Have you thought about MC? We have thought about it ourselves but really aren't financially stable and we still haven't found a church to go to a minister, which I really want to do. Did you happen to post this thread when you and H were fighting? I know I do a lot of venting and saying things I really don't mean when H and I are argueing. beachrosie was pretty harsh. I can see some of the OP point of view. My M b4 the A was pretty close to what the OP is complaining about but when I took him back I put my foot down and told him he will help around the house. He does a lot more than he has b4.
Sami_D Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Like OP and many other ppl have said OW get the fun of the A That is SOOOO funny.
movinon05 Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 That is SOOOO funny. Uh, yeah! Fun. Pulleeze!! Its more like glutton for punishment!
zarathustra Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I don't get why everyone's so disturbed by the OP's post...? Yeah, this is an OW forum, but this particular BS isn't actually trashing OW - instead, she's trashing MM and confirming to OW that they're well out of relationships with these kinds of guys, so why's everyone so pissed off? This BS isn't saying anything that hasn't been said by both OW and BS time and time again: MM is lying to both women, MM's relationship with OW doesn't include daily housekeeping chores and child-raising so it's a fantasy of sorts for him, isn't he a jerk, etc. etc. Aside from the nasty comments about the OW by her husband that she repeated (and was skeptical of!!) she didn't actually say anything about the OW herself. This post was all about him and what an ass he is. Why's that objectionable to people? And then she said she didn't want to be with him anymore and she herself doesn't know why she took him back. Are we reading the same post? I'm way confused about the take you all have on it. I don't know. She maybe shouldn't have come onto this forum to vent since she's a BS, but otherwise I think you guys are looking for a fight that isn't there. Guest, my suggestion for this woman to go to marriage and parnership or Separation and Divorce is because that appears to be what she is looking for. I believe she actually said she is unhappy and wants a D but cannot afford one. I don't think that is what this forum is about. If she's looking for advice as to support on staying in or leaving a marraige, I don't think the OM/OW forum is the best venue. Yes, we are reading the same post and my suggestion is based purely on the intention of getting her to a forum where she can ideas either on how to make her marriage better if she wants to stay in it or go to a forum where she can get support if she wants to leave and maybe someone there can help her find information to get a divorce without spending a lot of $. No picking of fights here.
zarathustra Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Like OP and many other ppl have said OW get the fun of the A, not the responsibilities of every day life. Hmmm.... let me think about that one... done. Yeah, it was really fun having my xMM jam his hands in my chest, rip my heart out and have him hop on it like a horny bunny until there's almost no life left in it and then stick it back where it was before not caring that it may or may not be in the right place and the staple the wound half heartedly with a staple gun. Yes, that was excrutiatingly fun. May I please have another f'ing dose?!??
beachrosie Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I was wondering what happened to the original poster - hit and run. Things are not always as they appear.
movinon05 Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Hmmm.... let me think about that one... done. Yeah, it was really fun having my xMM jam his hands in my chest, rip my heart out and have him hop on it like a horny bunny until there's almost no life left in it and then stick it back where it was before not caring that it may or may not be in the right place and the staple the wound half heartedly with a staple gun. Yes, that was excrutiatingly fun. May I please have another f'ing dose?!?? Oh God I've just erupted into tears at the same time the UPS man walked in! I've never heard it described better. The pain is flooding back all over again. Damn it!!!! It never ends, does it??? It just never f'ing goes away!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm stuck in purgatory hell forever!!
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