decible Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 I'm a 25yr old guy. I met a girl online (I know, I know...) about nine months ago and we started talking on the phone very soon thereafter. We hit it off very quickly and our feelings for one another have, well ... we love each other. The good news is she lives in the same city as me. The bad news is that, at 21, she has lost both of her parents and has some major abandonment issues to contend with. It has left her is such a state that, despite multiple attempts to see me, she is so completely crippled by her own fear that she can't bring herself to do it. I've tried everything I can think of to get her to see me. Nine months is pretty patient, so check off "patience" as having been tried. Especially considering I could drive to her house (if I knew exactly where it was) in 20 minutes or less. Frankly it's maddening. And yet I still love her and can't seem to wash my hands of her no matter how loudly my logic screams at me to do so. She won't give me her address. Every time we agree to meet someplace she vanishes from the face of the planet an hour or two before we're supposed to meet. She turns off her phone, probably because she doesn't want another frustrated lecture from me. I wish like a madman that we could just haphazardly run in to each other at the grocery store or something, to get this initial tension (for her) over with in a very casual manor. I'm not sure what to do. I can't force her to see me, and frankly I wouldn't want to. In my delirious love-smitten insanity I've briefly considered hiring a private detective to find her for me so I can approach her (I would fake our run-in like it was accidental). But I quickly realize that's a horrible idea because it risks loosing her trust in me, and I couldn't live with that. We've been at this so long I'm to the point where I expect her to flake out. I can't loose this girl. I need a fool-proof way to get her to a certain place at a certain time so I can meet her. I don't know exactly where she works or goes to school. She's very good at keeping this sort of information from me.
tinktronik Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Is it possible that she gave you a picture not so true to life and shes embarrassed to meet you?
2sunny Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 I think Tink has the right idea. She may not look at all like she portrayed herself to be. My thought is... you COULD run a backround check on her... that would potentially give you some info to work off of like: where she lives if she's married has kids her true age family members living criminal history It may be worth some thought if you really want some firm answers
tikigods Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 It sounds more like she is hiding something from you (she could be married, not what she appears to look like and so on) and she just doesnt' want you to find out. If you do wnat solid answers you can have a background check run on her
Author decible Posted April 15, 2006 Author Posted April 15, 2006 Yes I have considered that she may look different or be married. I suppose anything is possible. This may sound like a dumb question, but how do I go about running a background check? I looked on lexis-nexis' site and it looks like that's limited to criminal background checks. I'm after more basic info; address, age, marital status, etc. Thanks guys.
justagirliegirl Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Do both of you have web cams? I strongly suspect she isn't who she says she is. She either looks very different that what she has said, she is married, she is underage, she is really a man. 9 months is a long time to waste on this type of dishonesty and that is what it is. I would just tell her either she comes clean with you on the type of info a loving couple should know about each other (real name, age, address, work, school, etc). or you are ending it. Trust goes both ways and what she is doing is not trustworthy and is dishonest. How much of you life are you going to waste on this?
littlepiggy1 Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 The story in the OP is setting off red flags for me. On the one hand, it could be that she is currently at her "comfort" threshhold just talking on the phone and she doesn't want to jeopardize that by meeting. But even so, 9 months is bloody long time to spend getting to know someone on the phone without ever seeing them face to face. I'd be wary of anyone that shy or insecure. On the other hand, she could be hiding something. There's really no way to know until you do meet her. Personally, the idea of running a background check or hiring a PI to investigate her doesn't appeal to me. I know that if I was ever on the receiving end, I'd be pretty pissed if I found out (even though I have nothing to hide). I'd just tell her that you really like her, want to meet her but you're tired of getting the run around. She needs to s*** or get off the pot. It's not fair to you to keep pulling this. And ask yourself this: Do you really want to (potentially) get involved with someone who exhibits this kind of behavior?
tikigods Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 was thinking, how can you love someone that you don't know? You said she hides a lot of things from you, like her school, work, address, and so on and so forth, if she is hiding things then you can't know her and if you don't know someone you can't love them. I think its time to tell her to meet or find someone else
2sunny Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 You can google people finder or intellius to do backround checks. some offer reverse phone look ups - e-mail, or cell phone tracing, as well as a name (if she has given you a CORRECT name). either way, you will most likely need to pay a fee, sometimes I find it is worth the money to at least know what I'm dealing with, good, bad, or indifferent.
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