luvvedupnyc Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 I met my boyfriend online 8 months ago and I flew over to the USA to meet him last week and realised how much I really love him . We spoke about me moving over there and other future things including him asking me if I could put up with him the rest of my life.. (i didnt know what to think of that). I met some of his friends and he wanted me to meet his parents I have held back about all the future stuff and all the conversations were started by him.... But since I came back I have been feeling really down and low about leaving him but whenever I talk to him he says he misses me and he will see me at the end of the year as this is when his work permits him to come over here. He seems soooo laid back about me being away but i am not sure if that is just his way of dealing with it all. I mentioned that I may be able to get over next month and he said I could come but he cant guarantee he wouldnt be busy. This has really confused me I dont know if I am being paranoid thinking he's cooling down on me as he did comment that it was a lot of money to just fly over for 3 days. I know he works wierd hours as he is always in his office but that is all part of an executives job I suppose. Thing is... am I being paranoid that he is cooling it all down or is this just his way of dealing with me going (which is what he said)? I feel as if I am constantly moaning at him now and dont know how to sound positive talking to him as I miss him so much.... Any views would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 I don't know him, so I can't really be sure what is going on. From what you said here, I don't think you need to be worried yet. If he's available when you try to get a hold of him and you aren't catching him in lies, he's not avoiding you, etc., I think it's probably okay. My LD boyfriend also acts really cool about me being gone. I always cry when I leave him, but he's more calm. I really think it's just that guys don't feel like they are supposed to be all emotional. Plus, if you're really emotional about it he might feel like he needs to be strong for you. If he says he misses you and talks about the future, I think you have him right where you want him. Or do you? Why did you avoid all the future talk? Maybe it's YOU that is being really cool about this. That's okay, though, you haven't seen each other a whole lot and it can be scary when you have such strong feelings. You just might make sure that you aren't being too cool toward him about that stuff. If he feels like he went out on a limb when you were there, and bared his soul a little, he might think that when you didn't talk about the future a lot in response it meant you had doubts. He may have retreated a little in the way he deals with you. It's a balancing act, and I don't think you should be worried right now, but maybe if he IS acting cool it's in response to your reluctance? Link to post Share on other sites
tearful_soul22 Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel, as the saying goes. Having an LDR relationship can be quite confusing and extremely difficult at times. But before you get more paranoid maybe you should have a heart to heart talk with your significant other and find out exactly what his expectations are regarding your relationship. Open communication really helps a lot, and in order to make a romance work you should keep an open-mind and have a trusting attitude as well. Stay focus, and avoid making any harsh judgment. Maybe..he is just really busy and it has nothing to do with him cooling down. So, if it's ok with him for you to visit him then by all means, go and be with him..but if financial circumstances makes it hard, then i suggest you get a hobby or something to occupy your time for a while until you can eventually be with him when the time is right. Meanwhile, good luck to you and i wish you the best !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvvedupnyc Posted April 15, 2006 Author Share Posted April 15, 2006 Thanks guys... I got more upset than I thought when leaving him and he is really laid back in real life. I didnt ignore the future talk.... I was more surprised I didn't freak out when he went... this is the house i want to get before you move over etc.... I friend who works in the US explained that they dont actually get as many holidays as we do here in Scotland... so he's being honest about the not getting time off.... I think I am just feeling rather "abandoned" about having to leave him and am making a large problem out of nothing... our relationship has returned to how it was before i met him.. we talk as much etc.... Link to post Share on other sites
cnt2infinity Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 I moved here from London 8 years ago to be with my wife. You also work longer hours (8 til 5) and work till you are 65. You need to be 100% sure before you make this plunge... i know its hard when love stands in the way, but put yourself first before anyone else! Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvvedupnyc Posted April 17, 2006 Author Share Posted April 17, 2006 We've spoke about me moving there.... I wouldnt ask him to move to the UK! He has a good job there and my job is something I can do anywhere ( i teach) which allows me better holidays to travel in unlike his job..... One day at a time i suppose! Link to post Share on other sites
cnt2infinity Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 My wife is a teacher too. She teaches 4th grade (year 2 or 3). We live in North Carolina where there is a huge shortage of teaching jobs. Judging from your username, I take it you are planning to move to NYC? USA is a far lot different from the UK/Scotland region. I dont just mean the simple things you see on the streets but the government is completely backwards here. This is where I suffer the most. If it is NYC that you are moving too then that should be great. The diversity of the people in NYC will help avoid culture shock. Dont forget that you have to pay for medical/dental insurance here. And it is not cheap. The housing is dead cheap here but they are mostly made of wood and panels. Overall the US is a nice place. If Bush was out of office and this whole stupid war thing was over, then that would help too. But then again I would predict another clown soon to be president luvvedupnyc, I am sorry if I am scaring you. If in any way I can help, then feel free to IM me on here and we can chat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvvedupnyc Posted April 17, 2006 Author Share Posted April 17, 2006 Your not scaring me its ok... actually i wasnt planning on teaching if I do move over there.... I would pm you but i dont know how on here! lol. Link to post Share on other sites
cnt2infinity Posted April 21, 2006 Share Posted April 21, 2006 Strange, I have had people pm's me on here before. It has been a while since I've been on here. You can email me at tyserv @ gmail . com Dont get me wrong, I do love the USA.... Take care.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvvedupnyc Posted April 22, 2006 Author Share Posted April 22, 2006 Well we have decided we have to make a final decision about what will happen in December... thing is... If i was to sell my home etc I would still have debt.... can you move to the USA with it or would i have to clear all this before i was to go?! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 At the end of the year?! And he plans to be with you forever? If he is so busy as a CEO, he can definitely take a few days off every few months and money shouldn't be a problem (I had this type of relationship with my husband when we were dating and he was visiting me every few months for a week or more - he is also a busy CEO). Does he own the business or is he just employed in the CEO position? I can't believe that he is willing to wait for 7 months to see you again. If I were you, I would be a little busy for him these days (stay offline, don't pick up the phone) and see if he's gonna look for you. That's the only way to tell how much somebody misses you. Be sweet with him when you decide to talk to him after you've missed a day of talking and he has been reaching out to get a hold of you. In LDRs (long-distance relationships) there's no room for fights and negativity. If you want him, don't argue - NO MATTER WHAT! You can discretely ask things and let him know your viewpoints calmly and kindly. If you don't like it - take it or leave it, but don't fight. Fights are number one reason for LDR break-ups. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvvedupnyc Posted April 22, 2006 Author Share Posted April 22, 2006 He isnt CEO (yet) and he works for a big big company. He is also studying at night time so the time for him to get over here is minimal... that I understand... i think he tries to be strong with me online but last night he actually cracked and opened right up.... We sat and spoke about it all yesterday and it seems he's more sure about this whole thing than me... so i'm a happy bunny. I'm going over in summer to see him as my holidays are a lot better than his.... then over in november to meet the rents... Link to post Share on other sites
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