Still Lost

[Isabel]

My boyfriend of 6 years left me after working overseas for 3 months. It been more than 6 months now and I am still devastated. I have lost some much weight. I don't even look like myself anymore. But I take all the blame. He loved my so dearly. He gave all his love to me. I on the other hand was always reserved with my love. I did show him how much he loved him. Now it is too late. I have lost him. I know that while he was there he started seeing a girl on a regular friendship basis. Now I think he is interested in them becoming more. How can i get back to normal? I am sooo lost and unhappy. Has he just forgotten all about me? Don't I mean anything anymore....

[Isabel]

I was really hoping somebody would respond. But i know there are alot of more interersting threads up in this forum. Eventhough i have read alot of the threads on this site I still feel so lost and confused. I have only been in contact with my ex a few times. In the beginning he wrote quite a few emails but they were all about practical matters. I have only seen him twice in 6 months and God i miss him. The last time i saw him was after I wrote a short email saying that i did not think him and I and all we had had together did deserve things to be the way be between us as they are. He did not respond to that email. A week later he received a letter which i wrote to him and then he replied by saying it was not important but that he would come by the apartment to pick up a few things he had forgotten. He came by. I tried to put of a brave face and started talking about regular stuff and not the relationship. He was only there for 1/2 min and everything went well. Before he left he said that he was clad I wrote that email. It has been 6 weeks since that encounter. God this is sooo difficult. I have never ever been a needy or clinging person. He was always the one that often acted needy and clinging. He was always afraid of losing me. But now the table has been turned. He just left all we had together. In many respects I understand him. I was so stressed out from work and life that i did not show him my love. But I do not want to loss him. He is a very good person. This is so difficult.

[AnnaJ]

Isabel, I know the feeling that you don't feel important anymore, and how much you can do to try and feel important. When someone leaves you, you take a big knock and your confidence just drops. When you go through a stressful period of your life, you do loose a lot of weight, I did. When I wasn't eating I just felt worse, I felt sick, tired, depressed, and I didn't even want to touch any food. In the end it makes you feel worst, as you have no energy to deal with the situation.

 

It sounds like your putting all the blame on yourself, don't. I did the same. I was made to feel like I was always in the wrong, which at the end of the day, I wasn't. Everything attributes to a break up. It's not always just one person.

 

He doesn't seem to be interested anymore. Put it down to experience. I know it's easier said than done, but everything in our lifes is experience. My motto is, if they don't want me, then I don't want them. Keep repeating it. Why should you feel so bad because something in the past has gone wrong? At the time it feels the world has crashed down. Talking from experience, it gets easier, I mean hell I still think about things, but it doesn't destroy me. It's left me so much stronger.

 

The tables do turn, but it's a learning curve. I don't know the full details of your story, but the best thing you can do now is have NC (no contact), not just to play games but to heal yourself.

 

I always think if things are meant to be, they will be.

 

Heal yourself, and it does get better I promise...

 

Best of Luck, hope this is some help to you,

x

[Isabel5maj]

Dear Anna

Thank you very much for replying. It means so much to me. I am still very devastated by the break up and I do blame myself. Fortunately I have started eating a little bit again. I work long hours just to get away from thinking about him, all the memories and the deep sadness I fell. I think a lot of pain is not always about him but about myself and the person I ended up becoming in the relationship. I ended up being not the girl he felt so deeply in love with. When he met me I was a happy, independent, strong woman who was positive and smiled at life. He ended up with a critical, demanding, negative person who toke him and the relationship for granted. I lost the the girl I once loved soo much. I he is goodhearted man who deserve the best in life. He treated me like a princess every single day for 6 years. I do really understand him. The real sad part is I can live without being his girlfriend a just being is friend for life. But I do not think he even wants me a friend. In many ways I feel like he resents me and that breaks my heart. I never showed him how much a loved him and he was soo convinced that I would leave him because often pushed him away. But he has learned me a big lesson about life and that is to be a better person and never let yourself go. I would be satisfied with just being his friend and he does not even seem to want my friendship. Yes I have really messed up.

 

Isabel

[blue skies]

You don't sound clear in what you want - do you actually want him back (do you think things would really be different) or is it the pain of being unimportant to him now?

 

If you want to know if things can come back between you, and you haven't been in much contact already, maybe just call him and tell him and see how he responds. If he is unwilling, just go back to no contact.

 

If it is the pain, then get out there, reinvent your life, have a makeover, start dating, and push yourself to get your confidence back. Actually - either way, do these things! If you see him again you want him to see the fun, happy confident you that he fell in love with. And the side effect is that you will feel so much better about yourself, maybe you will be OK about moving on.

 

 

All the best

Blue Skies

[Isabel5may]

There is nothing in this world i want more than a second chance, Nothing. But it seems sooo hopeless and I am also afraid of hoping...

After out last encounter i did not contact him for 6-7 weeks. I went to Italy for a week on holiday. After I returned I got another letter adressed to him. I call him up at work. He was very surprised to hear it was me. Told him about the letter and try to act all normal and happy. Ask about him and work etc... Talked for 20 minutes but I had to keep the conversation going. He did not sound too happy about talking to me and the end of the conversation I said talk to later and he said definitely. But I only think he said that to please me. I do not think he meant it. The next day i emailed him a photo of my newborn niece that he has not seen and just wrote a few lines saying that I just wanted to send a photo so he could see her. It been 2 weeks now and I have not heared anything from him. My purpose with all this has been to keep the communication lines open and in the hope that at least we could stay friends. The thing is I rather have him in my life at some level then never see him again. I love him soo much and if that means only being friends i would be fine with that. But he does not even seems to want that. I am sure if I got a second chance things would be different. I have learned my lessons!. I know I had to change and am not afraid of change. Hell I needed to change and in many respect we shared the same dreams and hopes. But it seems so hopeless. He feelings changed and no matter what I do I cannot change them.