nakiyen Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Here's my story and question: me and my boy friend has been dating for 4 months now. We feel good about being with each other for most parts. In our relationship, we both treat each other like friends and lovers. Recently, I had a conversation with him about one or 2 of his characters that I dislike. But turned out, he thought that I was trying to break up with him. My point of addressing this, is wanting him to realize this is something that I dislike, but I'll sure do allow him time to be aware of it and ajust. Obviously, he doesn't see in this way. And as I was being open with him in this conversation, he opened up himself too afterward. And this point didn't suprises me. He told me that in this 4th month, he is still struggling on having me as her girl friend. His ponit of being here is, whenever he is on the campus (we both are college students), when he sees the sorority girls, he sees them very attractive. And he thinks that he is like missing out something (of finding a better one). He thinks that there must be girls out there both pretty inside and out. And he said sometimes it irritates him that he see his guy friends are like jerks, but they all have good-looking girl friend and with good personality (I don't believe him on this, coz I don't think that you can draw to a conclusion of how good a personality that someone has until you know them well.) But from here, I can tell that he would drawn to the girls who are more attractive outside then before he's attracted to them inside. For me and my boyfriend, we both are not the most good-looking person. But the main reason that I love him is I found special parts of him, and I see he can be a very good guy to his spouse and family(regardless about the ONE or TWO characters that I don't like). But now, he opens up this point. This does scares me. Indeed, the question has revealed once at the beginning of our relationship. I thought he is drawn to me on my personality and the way how I treat him. But seems like at this point, he still feels like he could find someone that is increditably good-looking outside and good on the inside. I wasn't offend by that. But deep down, I feel like, if my boyfriend doesn't find me that special, or even attractive, (My definition of special is: has an inner beauty, foremost. And is someone that so bonded to you), I'm like taking a risk of not knowing when he is gonna look for another target and leave. And I don't like to have this kind of worry in my relationship. And this surely is not a healthy element in a good relationship. So what can I do now? I need advices. THank you P.S. for the readers who like to know more details about this relationship. Me and my boyfriend are in an interacial relationship, and I know that he is always attractived to girls who are Caucasian
brightskies Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Sorry to say that the prognosis doesn't look good. It's awesome that your personalities mesh so well, but a good relationship should mean that you both mesh on all levels, including physical attraction. This sounds harsh, and I don't mean to offend you, but he has already admitted to you that he is looking to "trade-up," and prefers (to him) prettier girls. It's terribly insulting, but it's also good that you know this now, versus further down the road. I realize that you're emotionally invested, but with all this information it would be best to let him go. You will be constantly stressing about the way he longs for these "sorority girls" when he should, as your bf, be longing for you. You deserve to be with someone who loves ALL of you --- someone who finds you beautiful physically and personality-wise and who isn't always hankering after what he thinks is "better." You can't hold onto someone who's already halfway out the door. You'll lose your dignity and will end up resenting each other. P.S. Being overly accomodating can encourage people, especially a bf, to respect you less and take you for granted, so guard against this. And you shouldn't be down on yourself. Don't ever think of yourself as "not good-looking." You might not be a supermodel or sorority girl, but I'm sure you have lovely physical traits that you've overlooked. Learn to enhance them and learn to think more positively about yourself. Confidence can greatly enhance a woman's beauty.
MadDog Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 P.S. for the readers who like to know more details about this relationship. Me and my boyfriend are in an interacial relationship, and I know that he is always attractived to girls who are Caucasian Is that relevant? I've always been attracted to girls with pretty faces & nice bodies. It doesn't mean I'm only with a girl because of that.
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