SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 I'll answer! You get hurt really badly, run through the emotional wringer, and end up having trust issues after the failed relationship blows up in your face! What, you think I come up with these ideas out of nowhere? I have a lot of failed relationships under my belt. I can at least have the self awareness to know what happened when it all fell apart. But not everyone has those *trust issues* therefore they are more ready to get involved faster.
Pyro Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 If I don't love someone, I won't say it. If I do, I will. Actions speak louder than words, but unfortunately, not everyone speaks the same "Love language" -- for example, a man who grew up in a wealthy home where no one showed emotion might show his love by buying things, or working to maintain financial security. IF he dates a woman who grew up in a poor but emotionally open household, she will never know that he is trying to show her that he loves her through his actions. No two people read actions the same way, and no two people act the same for the same motivations. So that is flawed logic. . Very well put.
brightskies Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 What is the big deal with saying I love you? Why aren't the majority of people ever satisified with "actions speak louder than words?" It's symbolic. It expresses very concisely a depth and breadth of emotion/connection. That's probably why some people have a difficult time saying it or hearing it --- because the phrase is so loaded with meaning. In just 3 short words, you're telling the other person: "I really care about you, you're important to me, you make me happy, I'd give you the world, I want to grow old with you," etc. Actions to me do count for more than words, but I definitely appreciate the words, too. They're a good reminder, especially when my guy can't be with me to "show" how he feels.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted April 17, 2006 Author Posted April 17, 2006 It's symbolic. They're a good reminder, especially when my guy can't be with me to "show" how he feels. Symbolic? Saying a couple of words is symbolic? I'm thinking...does this mean that the majority of people would rather settle for words then anything else? I know when someone loves me...I don't ever question it or think... "why hasn't he said it yet?" Words shouldn't be reminds...especially "I love you". Sometimes when Love is trown around a lot like "everday" and after every telephone call like the majority of peeps I know...it's not taken seriously and well doesn't it become more of a comfort word than special like it should be when said?
brightskies Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 Symbolic? Saying a couple of words is symbolic? I'm thinking...does this mean that the majority of people would rather settle for words then anything else?They can be "symbolic" in that they're representative of your feelings. Similar to how you interpret someone's action as an expression of their feelings, you can also interpret their words. No. Many people don't and shouldn't "settle" for words. The words are supplementary to the actions. I know when someone loves me...I don't ever question it or think..."why hasn't he said it yet?" Then you're fortunate in that regard. Different people have different expectations and reactions. Words shouldn't be reminds...especially "I love you". What's wrong with having words as reminders? They're like very special, semantic bookmarks. Especially when they're said sincerely. The word help express how you feel, just as your actions do. It's just another format. Sometimes when Love is trown around a lot like "everday" and after every telephone call like the majority of peeps I know...it's not taken seriously and well doesn't it become more of a comfort word than special like it should be when said? Perspective is colored by experience. In your environment, people might use these words lightly. But the way I grew up, these words were very rare; they were treasured. My parents didn't start saying ILY to me until the last couple years, and I'm in my 20s. I don't throw these words around at all. I only say ILY -- and not all the time -- to the SO (depending on how close we already are), and my parents. That would be 3 people in the entire world out of all the people that I know or come across. And even when I say it to them, there's a small twinge of discomfort, like it's not easy to say. Of course, I care for my friends and siblings, but there are varying levels of closeness and comfort in expression.
mental_traveller Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 News flash - some people like to say what they think & feel. You may be happy communicating using a series of grunts & physical action, but the rest of us evolved beyond that stage once language and words were invented.
aleatoryd Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 ^^^^ LOL! I think how you act towards someone conveys how you feel about them. As the saying goes Actions speak louder than words. I could spend all my time telling someone I loved them and whispering sweet nothings but never actually do anything. Or I could be the silent type and do nice, small romantic deeds - you decide wich you'd prefer. And one day when I say to a woman the words "I love you" I think they'd convey their true meaning.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 OK, that's a fair assessment of my personality but you didn't address my point. What happens when the relationship doesn't work out (majority of cases) and the person is so emotionally invested so early on? Hmmm Curious? My new guy is invested early on .....He had feelings for me after a week! I was very open with him about showing emotions to fast and how he could annoy me with it. Especially pressuring me to tell him "I miss you" as he did after a week. There is a history here...I've known my guy for years....I mean I grew up around him... His mom and my mom have been good friends since I was 10 years old.... Makes me think....He said he had a crush on me when we were kids. I'm the type of person that wants to be missed as I want to miss someone too but, I miss differently...I'll start to miss someone like after a week, not a day or two. I like .....no let me rephrase....I LOVE MY SPACE!!!! I love being alone! I love not having to pay attention to someone when I'm watching TV, Watching sports, Playing video games, or eating on the couch with my underwear on!!! I mean...I love my space!!! The beginning was like....um...I'll see you next weekend..... He was like What? I said yeah...NEXT WEEK! I told him I'd call. I don't call right away...I'm not neady...so I wanted him to realize that I don't need a status call to be reminded that he liked me and he was interested. He was shocked! I mean... I like him and I think we are learning a lot about each other and I HOPE that it does work out! NO....IT WILL WORK OUT! He likes me...I like him... Hmmm does it matter if he likes me more than I like him? ???? Does it come to the "he might love me first"? I'm not a big user of LOVE....as you all know.... I feel like I can loose out on something if I don't "pertend" to say I miss you and I really like you!!!!
MadDog Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I love being alone! I love not having to pay attention to someone when I'm watching TV, Watching sports, Playing video games, or eating on the couch with my underwear on!!! I mean...I love my space!!! Jesus, you're such a guy in a girl's body it's unbelievable. Did you used to be a tomboy growing up?
Author PlentyLV007 Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 Jesus, you're such a guy in a girl's body it's unbelievable. Did you used to be a tomboy growing up? :lmao: You know what I always say..My pennis is inside out! Growing up well I played football, basketball, and well all my cousins are guys. I think that's why I'm the way that I'm. I've always been told that the wrong cord was cut at birth. What's funny is that my new guy doesn't like Basketball and I do...he's a big Raider Fan... :sick: HATE THEM!!!! I'm a Green bay fan!!
Yamaha Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I hate to say this but maybe this type of guy is not for you. If the two of you are not on the same page then it might be best to end it before feelings get even more involved. I'm not telling you what to do but if his expressing himself to you is not what you want then maybe you need to find someone more like you.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 I hate to say this but maybe this type of guy is not for you. If the two of you are not on the same page then it might be best to end it before feelings get even more involved. I'm not telling you what to do but if his expressing himself to you is not what you want then maybe you need to find someone more like you. Can you tell me why? Why is this type of guy not for me? Not on the same page how? Feelings??? Do you actually believe that ALL relationships are on the same page? No I don't want someone like me.... I want someone to want me for me because of the way that I'm. Yamaha, if you've been keeping up w/ my post, you would read all the types of guys that I've dated....even guys like me, it doesn't turn out to be what I'd like. I've tried all kinds.... I like my new guy....I don't think that in order for two people to connect you have to be on the same page...
Vertex Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 I think you two have to be on the same page in terms of what you want in a relationship. Any difference there can open up lots of problems.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted April 18, 2006 Author Posted April 18, 2006 I want what he wants. I want to be cared for, missed and all that. He wants it too...I just have a different way of expressing myself. What's wrong with that? Just because I don't tell someone I care about them a week after our first date, or tell them I miss them the next day, or want to cuddle when you first sleep over instead of having sex..., I mean...I'm just different and he knows that. If he's willing to accept me for being me, why should I have to walk away from him because I'm different. It doesn't seem to bother him....if it did I would let him go. If I hurt his feelings he would tell me,....plus there are a lot of people that like being with someone different...and not like them....
Vertex Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 There's nothing wrong with it. I am just saying, for example, if someone wants a long term relationship and the other is looking for a short-term college boyfriend or something, there will be problems along the line. As long as you both feel the same way about the aspect of why you're together, you're cool I'd say
Yamaha Posted April 18, 2006 Posted April 18, 2006 Can you tell me why? Why is this type of guy not for me? Not on the same page how? Feelings??? Do you actually believe that ALL relationships are on the same page? No I don't want someone like me.... I want someone to want me for me because of the way that I'm. Yamaha, if you've been keeping up w/ my post, you would read all the types of guys that I've dated....even guys like me, it doesn't turn out to be what I'd like. I've tried all kinds.... I like my new guy....I don't think that in order for two people to connect you have to be on the same page... I am just playing devils advocate. You seem concerned that people are so into vocal expression of feelings and you seem to want to show your love rather than say the words. This guy seems to be the type that wants to hear that you love him and miss him. If that bothers you then maybe his personality is not what you are seeking. Again, I am not suggesting anything ,as I think you are really into this guy, but you need to weigh all the issues before you commit yourself. If it is going to become a big issue between you then you need to talk it out and if that result doesn't satisfy you then you might reconsider. Difference is good if you can live with the differences but if you can't then you might need to look elsewhere.
nicki Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Yeah, I gotta hear it. That's just the way I am. Very verbal and physical. A guy doesn't have to be that way himself. He can choose to tell me because he knows it makes me happy....and that makes him happy. Just like if a guy is very physical and wants his girlfriend to hug and touch him public, she can do it. Even if she wouldn't normally think of it herself. Read "Love Languages." It's interesting. Here are the ways we communicate love: 1. Verbal affirmations (compliments, saying I love you, etc.) 2. Physical (hug, holding hands, sex, etc.) 3. Quality time together (hanging out, going places, talking, etc.) 4. Acts of service (making dinner, fixing things, working to pay bills) 5. Gift giving (giving little thoughtful gifts, notes, etc) While we all like receiving expressions of love in all five areas, there will be one or two areas that, when done, will make us feel most loved. People can be very different in their love languages. It pays to know your own language, as well as your partner's!
MadDog Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 1. Verbal affirmations (compliments, saying I love you, etc.) 2. Physical (hug, holding hands, sex, etc.) 3. Quality time together (hanging out, going places, talking, etc.) 4. Acts of service (making dinner, fixing things, working to pay bills) 5. Gift giving (giving little thoughtful gifts, notes, etc) Looks like I'm a 2/3er. There's nothing better than physical contact & hanging out with a girl I've got the hots for.
SmoochieFace Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 I don't think that in order for two people to connect you have to be on the same page... I disagree strongly with this. I wouldn't even consider being with someone who isn't *on the same page* as I am.
nicki Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 Yeah, but do you think two people need to be willing to read the other's page? MadDog -- 2/3er? Good to know so you can tell your next girlfriend. It's fun to figure our what people are. Kids, too. It works. That's how you get "on their page."
lobsterbabe Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 You HAVE to be on the same page with your partner. If one person wants more than what the other person can give... if your values do not match theirs... if you have goals and aspirations and the other person doesn't ----- it will not work out! Plain and simple. You have to have common goals together. As to the original question, I suppose this was from my previous thread. It is a big deal to me to hear ILY from my bf as it validates/confrims/reassures what we have. Personally, I grew up in a household where nobody said ILY's to anybody. And to hear it from someone I love and care about, it would be a great feeling to have. Words are just as powerful.
MadDog Posted April 19, 2006 Posted April 19, 2006 MadDog -- 2/3er? Good to know so you can tell your next girlfriend. It's fun to figure our what people are. I don't know. It sounds a bit sissy to tell a girl, "I just wanted you to know, I value physical intimacy & quality time together. That makes me a 2/3 guy according to this one book." I'll just use my own ways to let her know what I like.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted April 19, 2006 Author Posted April 19, 2006 Yeah, but do you think two people need to be willing to read the other's page? MadDog -- 2/3er? Good to know so you can tell your next girlfriend. It's fun to figure our what people are. Kids, too. It works. That's how you get "on their page." EXACTLY....I want to read his page...that is different from mine. I don't want to change his page either.... If you meet someone you like for being different that inspires me. Means they are different and they are something I'm not. I admire that.
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