PlentyLV007 Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Seriously!!!! What is the big deal with saying I love you? Why aren't the majority of people ever satisified with "actions speak louder than words?" If your partner is already showing you after a year that he/she cares about you and does things for you...why expect the L word? WHY? Security? Re-assurance? Comfort? Why questions when is the right time to say I love you?
SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Seriously!!!! What is the big deal with saying I love you? Why aren't the majority of people ever satisified with "actions speak louder than words?" If your partner is already showing you after a year that he/she cares about you and does things for you...why expect the L word? WHY? Security? Re-assurance? Comfort? Why questions when is the right time to say I love you? It seems obvious that this *bothers* you... why is that? I agree - actions DO speak louder than words - but what is wrong with someone SAYING "I love you?"
juliainoz Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 i think a bit of both is nice - someone who is able to show and is able to verbalise their feelings just shows a bit of emotional availability i think
blind_otter Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 If I don't love someone, I won't say it. If I do, I will. I have lived with regrets. I would feel awful if I loved someone but never really knew if they knew what I truely felt. Actions speak louder than words, but unfortunately, not everyone speaks the same "Love language" -- for example, a man who grew up in a wealthy home where no one showed emotion might show his love by buying things, or working to maintain financial security. IF he dates a woman who grew up in a poor but emotionally open household, she will never know that he is trying to show her that he loves her through his actions. No two people read actions the same way, and no two people act the same for the same motivations. So that is flawed logic. I've dated people before who I didn't love, and I was just passing time and getting regular sex. So I never said the words.
movinon05 Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 I think it all depends on what someone is looking for in their life. I, for one, am looking for a ltr relationship and finding love again. I'm 46 and don't want to just have fun. I have a good relationship with a man now and we're exploring our feelings for each other. We both "feel" love for each other but know that it takes time to grow fully. Will it, I don't know. But we feel this relationship is worth a shot. If it wasn't, we would move on because we're both looking for the same thing - and are hoping it is with each other. If not, at least we tried. We're fortunate in that we're old enough to look at this rationally. Some people need reassurances. That's perfectly acceptable. Most people want someone to care about them in that way. Its human nature. There are people who don't need that, but I think they're definitely in the minority.
SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 We're fortunate in that we're old enough to look at this rationally. Some people need reassurances. That's perfectly acceptable. Most people want someone to care about them in that way. Its human nature. There are people who don't need that, but I think they're definitely in the minority. I think this is an age thing as well. It seems that younger people are more hesitant in saying the *L* word... as if their relationships are not as *deep*. They seem to be more casual and more about *having fun*.. Everyone is different. I am 37 and my GF is 45. We have the same views on many things and have no issues with the *L* word. It is something I take seriously - same with her.
Vertex Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 You can have loving actions, and yes the act of loving is very important, as the word alone is useless without substance, but the fact that one may be refusing to say the word for whatever reason can indicate some other issue. Even though the actions may be there, refusing to say the words can set people the wrong way as not everyone speaks the same language. The word doesn't define the substance, but negation of the word renders the actions in an unusual light to the person wanting the words.
blind_otter Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 I can also quite honestly say -- I want to be loved. I like the feeling. Sex is better, relationships are deeper, and life seems sweeter, when someone loves you and isn't too f***ed up in the head or afraid to say it.
movinon05 Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 I can also quite honestly say -- I want to be loved. I like the feeling. Sex is better, relationships are deeper, and life seems sweeter, when someone loves you and isn't too f***ed up in the head or afraid to say it. Well that's the consensus we came to. Because we never said it and didn't think we were feeling it and didn't know where the other one was at. Once we talked about it, we realized we do have love for each other, so we both feel safe saying it, all the while knowing, it is ok to say I love you and not fall apart with fear that it is going to suddenly mean a death sentence or something. We're taking our time with it. And fortunately, we're not blind to the fact that with time, we might feel differently, whether its stronger or less. Once one of us feels its not going to work, we're open to admitting it. Although I can honestly say this is the weirdest way of going about it that I have ever experienced, but I do believe its the healthiest way to allow us to grow, if we are going to.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted April 14, 2006 Author Posted April 14, 2006 I can also quite honestly say -- I want to be loved. I like the feeling. Sex is better, relationships are deeper, and life seems sweeter, when someone loves you and isn't too f***ed up in the head or afraid to say it. Hmmmm kinda makes me think...the guy I'm seeing now likes me to tell him that I care about him, miss him, and think of him. I mean...I don't get why if I'm constantly showing affection. I call him!!! I just keep hearing a lot of threads on the whole..."why hasn't he SAID I love you? I just don't get what the difference is when your showing them and giving them your all BUT they still want you to SAY it.!?
SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Hmmmm kinda makes me think...the guy I'm seeing now likes me to tell him that I care about him, miss him, and think of him. I mean...I don't get why if I'm constantly showing affection. I call him!!! I just keep hearing a lot of threads on the whole..."why hasn't he SAID I love you? I just don't get what the difference is when your showing them and giving them your all BUT they still want you to SAY it.!? If you are not comfortable being with a guy who is more affectionate than the *typical male*... whatever the hell that is these days... then you are free to leave him and find someone who is more on your level in that regard.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted April 14, 2006 Author Posted April 14, 2006 If you are not comfortable being with a guy who is more affectionate than the *typical male*... whatever the hell that is these days... then you are free to leave him and find someone who is more on your level in that regard. Who said I'm not comfortable. I'm trying to understand that when did all of a sudden words become more than actions? They are just words. Anybody can tell you they love you...but showing you is way more.... Or em I lost? I do say I love to my family, my friends and my ex...after a year of a committed relationshiop...but I never questioned it or really emphasized on it for WHY a person hasn't said it. I'm just trying to understand what the big deal is....it's a word.
SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Who said I'm not comfortable. I'm trying to understand that when did all of a sudden words become more than actions? They are just words. Anybody can tell you they love you...but showing you is way more.... Or em I lost? I do say I love to my family, my friends and my ex...after a year of a committed relationshiop...but I never questioned it or really emphasized on it for WHY a person hasn't said it. I'm just trying to understand what the big deal is....it's a word. But WHY is it a big deal for YOU? Come on... I mean, there has to be a reason as to why this matters, right? It seems to me that you are *bothered* by having to say it to anyone besides your friends and family. As far as the X... hmmm... why are you telling him that?
MadDog Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Seriously!!!! What is the big deal with saying I love you? Why aren't the majority of people ever satisified with "actions speak louder than words?" If your partner is already showing you after a year that he/she cares about you and does things for you...why expect the L word? WHY? Security? Re-assurance? Comfort? Why questions when is the right time to say I love you? Two words: Hollywood romances. I've seen maybe 3 movies that fall under the romance category & they always had the same plot: 1. Boy falls in love with girl 2. Boy & girl get together 3. Some misunderstanding or circumstance breaks them apart 4. Couple is reunited with the climax being the exchange of "I love you" People, girls especially, are conditioned to believe that being told ILY is the ultimate thing in a relationship. My ex wasn't happy hearing it 3 times or more. . .in a single phone call. Actions speak way louder than words in my opinion too. I'd rather be shown than told.
SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 My ex wasn't happy hearing it 3 times or more. . .in a single phone call. Three times or more in a single phone call is a bit excessive, IMHO. Three times in an entire day is not unreasonable though. My GF and I tell each other ILY at least twice a day - sometimes more. It all depends on the couple and the individuals in it - and whether they are fighting or not.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted April 14, 2006 Author Posted April 14, 2006 But WHY is it a big deal for YOU? Come on... I mean, there has to be a reason as to why this matters, right? It seems to me that you are *bothered* by having to say it to anyone besides your friends and family. As far as the X... hmmm... why are you telling him that? It doesn't bother me what other people are doing...I'm curious to why it matters so much to hear it? It honestly doensn't matter to me to say it or hear it. For example...the guy I'm dating...when he starts talking about feelings...I get irritated because hearing it is like (moving hand) blah blha blah blha.... Showing it is better. Hug me, kiss me, tease me, love me.... Every body is different ....I just want to hear why to "others" it's such a big deal! It doesn't bother me...saying I love you doesn't bother me...it's just never been an issue where I'm thinking about why he hasn't SAID IT....to me yet....?
Vertex Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Lots of people need to talk about feelings because we tend to use language to better articulate thoughts so we can communicate something more effectively. Not everyone communicates in the same way. I know for me, personally, actions alone may be comforting and loving and make me happy but I'd still like to know what's going on in the other person's mind -- their internal monologue, so to speak. Sometimes, admittedly, talking too much about feelings can wear things down and cause overanalysis, but a lack of verbal communication to many people can lead to misinterpreted signals that can usually be easily corrected through talking about them.
blind_otter Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Because you guys have only been dating amonth. If some dude told me "I love you" after a month I would laugh in his face. That's ridiculous.
SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 It doesn't bother me what other people are doing...I'm curious to why it matters so much to hear it? It honestly doensn't matter to me to say it or hear it. For example...the guy I'm dating...when he starts talking about feelings...I get irritated because hearing it is like (moving hand) blah blha blah blha.... Showing it is better. Hug me, kiss me, tease me, love me.... Every body is different ....I just want to hear why to "others" it's such a big deal! It doesn't bother me...saying I love you doesn't bother me...it's just never been an issue where I'm thinking about why he hasn't SAID IT....to me yet....? Yes... everybody is different. So my point is... if you are with a guy who is more into *feelings* AND it makes you go *blah blah blah* then perhaps he isn't right for you. He isn't gonna change... unless he's a spineless doormat. And you shouldn't expect him to change - not saying that you do, btw.
SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Because you guys have only been dating amonth. If some dude told me "I love you" after a month I would laugh in his face. That's ridiculous. It may be ridiculous to YOU but some people can and do fall for others quite easily. They move fast. It necessarily isn't a *bad* thing. Doesn't mean they are *ridiculous*... everybody's different, right?
MadDog Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 It may be ridiculous to YOU but some people can and do fall for others quite easily. They move fast. It necessarily isn't a *bad* thing. Yeah it is. If you fall for someone that fast, you're basically falling for someone you don't know very well. What happens when you learn more about the person & find out you two aren't that compatible (which is what happens in a majority of cases.) I think people who fall too fast are somewhat wanting & needing to be in a relationship a little too much. That's not a very attractive quality in my opinion. Afterall, are they into you or the idea of being in a relationship? That's why I try to avoid those serial monogomist chicks.
SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Yeah it is. Says who? I'm sure we have heard of people who have met, clicked quickly, fallen in love, and have even gotten married after a very short time... say six months or so... and the marriages have lasted. Your view doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. And you seem like a young person and young people these days are more into having fun instead of settling into a *real relationship*. They are a bit more hesitant. You definitely fit the profile of the proverbial *free spirit* - don't deny it as I see it in your posts - who wants to have fun with *hotties*. Not saying it's *bad* or anything... I'm just saying.
MadDog Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Says who? I'm sure we have heard of people who have met, clicked quickly, fallen in love, and have even gotten married after a very short time... say six months or so... and the marriages have lasted. Your view doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. And you seem like a young person and young people these days are more into having fun instead of settling into a *real relationship*. They are a bit more hesitant. You definitely fit the profile of the proverbial *free spirit* - don't deny it as I see it in your posts - who wants to have fun with *hotties*. Not saying it's *bad* or anything... I'm just saying. OK, that's a fair assessment of my personality but you didn't address my point. What happens when the relationship doesn't work out (majority of cases) and the person is so emotionally invested so early on?
blind_otter Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 OK, that's a fair assessment of my personality but you didn't address my point. What happens when the relationship doesn't work out (majority of cases) and the person is so emotionally invested so early on? I'll answer! You get hurt really badly, run through the emotional wringer, and end up having trust issues after the failed relationship blows up in your face! What, you think I come up with these ideas out of nowhere? I have a lot of failed relationships under my belt. I can at least have the self awareness to know what happened when it all fell apart.
SmoochieFace Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 OK, that's a fair assessment of my personality but you didn't address my point. What happens when the relationship doesn't work out (majority of cases) and the person is so emotionally invested so early on? Obviously, that means the *other person* may not have been so *emotionally invested*. Duh! Seriously... I dunno as I haven't had that problem. I don't all of a sudden start spewing the *L* word after one month either BUT that doesn't mean that EVERYONE who is like that will end up in a *bad* relationship. There are success stories out there - and it isn't wise to assume that ALL people who do not fit your vision are *needy*, *clingy*, etc. Some people are more willing to get involved and get involved faster than others. I might also add that this is another issue that is affected by *age*. As I have said, most young people these days are not so quick to get involved mainly because of their career priorities and the desire for *independence*. I am 37 so my opinion will be considerably different from the opinion of a younger person who doesn't share my view of the world and relationships. Again... not a *bad* thing...
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