lindya Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 Now that is a real friend. I find it a good gauge for friendships. Do I have enough real friends to work shifts if I was sentenced to several days in stocks? Another favourite is... how much money would that person need to be offered to never have any contact with me again? Actually, most people I'm friendly with pass the "stocks" test. The latter one is more tricky. Considering the amount of hours I spend working, I couldn't care less about maintaining friendships on a superficial level. I'd rather sleep, but that's just me speaking for me. I can't speak for others. Which brings us to one of the purposes friends serve. They can sometimes see your life going a certain way (eg too much work, too little play) when you're blind to it. Can see certain ways in which the lifestyle/state of mind you're in is slowly reducing the quality of your life and taking the fun out of it. There's a lot to be said for the "fun" friends as well as the "watch your back in the stocks" friends. Ideally, the people you're closest to are capable of both roles.
westernxer Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 There's a lot to be said for the "fun" friends as well as the "watch your back in the stocks" friends. Ideally, the people you're closest to are capable of both roles. That's a good way to sum it up. The only people I know who fit this role is family. Los Angeles is a weird place.
lindya Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 That's a good way to sum it up. The only people I know who fit this role is family. Los Angeles is a weird place. I think there's a reason that quite a few celebrities elect to have their home base elsewhere. Nonetheless, LA is a big place - and there must be lots of people there who have a similar mindset to you. I guess that knowing who they are is the difficulty. Especially in a town where, dare I say it, half the population is aspiring to a profession which requires them to demonstrate a talent for faking their behaviour, reactions and emotions.
Author brightskies Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 I never looked for a man with no women friends but I have to say, I really like that he does not have any. It makes me much more relaxed. When he says he is hanging out in the garage with Joe drinkin beer. That's what he is doing, and I never have to wonder. Like BO, I don't trust women. So this works very well for me. Also, I do think it has a bit to do with the age of a man. My bf is at a point where he just doesn't need female friends. I'm sure when he was younger and out partying, he had a few. But now, he gets his female companionship from me. Yes, Smoochie brought up the life-stage effect on this. What caused you to distrust women?
Author brightskies Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 Most straight guys befriend girls to get with 'em or in 'em. It's all about planting seeds. Excuse me for being a guy. Totally excused.
Author brightskies Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 Now that is a real friend. For most young people, friendship is about convenience and having a good time, in order to elevate one socially. It's when you get older that you really appreciate the value of friendship. That value is derived from scarcity. I know women who think potential dating partners should have a lot of friends. I'm sure it goes both ways, but regardless, these women will surely be disappointed with me. Considering the amount of hours I spend working, I couldn't care less about maintaining friendships on a superficial level. I'd rather sleep, but that's just me speaking for me. I can't speak for others. Value from scarcity and enduring bonds over time. I've gone out with the kind of guy that has friends all over the world and is friends with freakin' everybody. You know, a popular, everyone loves him kind of guy. Which is fine if you're very sociable and like to be around a lot of people. But it wore on me after awhile -- aside from the annoyance of flirty, hanging-all-over-him (or vice-versa), women friends, it was just exhausting trying to keep up with him. It made me wonder, how can you spread yourself so thin and really be friends with all these people?
Author brightskies Posted April 16, 2006 Author Posted April 16, 2006 I find it a good gauge for friendships. Do I have enough real friends to work shifts if I was sentenced to several days in stocks? Another favourite is ... how much money would that person need to be offered to never have any contact with me again? Actually, most people I'm friendly with pass the "stocks" test. The latter one is more tricky. There's a lot to be said for the "fun" friends as well as the "watch your back in the stocks" friends. Ideally, the people you're closest to are capable of both roles. I guess friends come in gradations. Interestingly, Western brings up family. My dad's not perfect, but I know that he has my back better than any friend ever would.
BeFree Posted April 16, 2006 Posted April 16, 2006 Yes, Smoochie brought up the life-stage effect on this. What caused you to distrust women? Lots of things, my best friend in college ran off with my boyfriend. My dads wife worked with him when he was married to my mom and had no problem having an affair with him and then being nice to our family for ten years. My mom dates married men and thinks nothing is wrong with it. Some woman will always be after your man, women are ruthless and don't care about hurting other women for love.
Author brightskies Posted April 17, 2006 Author Posted April 17, 2006 Lots of things, my best friend in college ran off with my boyfriend. My dad's wife worked with him when he was married to my mom and had no problem having an affair with him and then being nice to our family for ten years.That's horrible. And I just don't understand how friends, much less best friends, can even consider stealing your SO. And oh yeah, what makes the SO suddenly think hey, my bf/gf's friend looks good for the taking? What makes them suddenly willing to cross that taboo line?My mom dates married men and thinks nothing is wrong with it. I remember this thread. Did you work things out with your mom somehow? Some woman will always be after your man, women are ruthless and don't care about hurting other women for love.There are some men like this, too. But betrayal from your own sex, the one that's supposed to relate and have empathy for you, stings so much more. It's a challenge to maintain optimism in the face of consistently negative experience.
BeFree Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 That's horrible. And I just don't understand how friends, much less best friends, can even consider stealing your SO. And oh yeah, what makes the SO suddenly think hey, my bf/gf's friend looks good for the taking? What makes them suddenly willing to cross that taboo line? I remember this thread. Did you work things out with your mom somehow? There are some men like this, too. But betrayal from your own sex, the one that's supposed to relate and have empathy for you, stings so much more. It's a challenge to maintain optimism in the face of consistently negative experience. Never really worked things out with my mom, When she brings up her MM, I change the subject. She will never see what her behavior does. She lives in lala land. Betrayal form your own sex is sad, but very few women ever really follow that golden rule. They see a man they want and he becomes even more appealing if he is married or in a relationship. IMHO. I on the other hand have no interest in a man that is taken. It's just not worth it. Every guy has issues and I can find another one that is single.
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