brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 This thread's based on a couple comments made in another thread. Apparently, there are heterosexual men out there who don't have female friends. Which to me, is like the holy grail, or an urban myth. I'm really curious: Women, is your man like this? Does it make things easier (e.g.: less worry, easier to trust, etc.) in your relationship? What are the pros and cons, and do the pros outweigh the cons? Are you happier with this kind of man? Men, if you are female friend-free but happily date women, why and how'd you end up this way? Is it a choice or did it "just happen"? And most importantly, where and how does one find such a man? Do these guys as a rule do the manly-man camping/fishing/hunting thing? Do I have to move to the Rockies? Are there any living in the NY city area? For future reference please point me in the right direction. Heh.
SmoochieFace Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Men, if you are female friend-free but happily date women, why and how'd you end up this way? Is it a choice or did it "just happen"? I am in a relationship with a woman and yet I have no female friends. I'd say it's a choice because I can't see myself being friends with women unless they are gay. In that case, there is a clear boundary in that I do not want anything more from them and they don't want anything more from me. As far as having friends in general... I am quite busy as I have many things going on including my job and my son and, frankly, I don't have the time or patience to deal with the *drama* that comes with having friends - male or female.
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Hee hee, I AM psychic. I totally knew this was coming. Move over Miss Cleo. I told you about my BF already. Plus, I live in the South, where good ol' boys and rednecks roam, and it's not uncommon to find grown men who still hang out in front of their house drinking beer and talking to each other around the back of a pickup truck. For no apparent reason.
Author brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 I am in a relationship with a woman and yet I have no female friends. I'd say it's a choice because I can't see myself being friends with women unless they are gay. In that case, there is a clear boundary in that I do not want anything more from them and they don't want anything more from me. As far as having friends in general... I am quite busy as I have many things going on including my job and my son and, frankly, I don't have the time or patience to deal with the *drama* that comes with having friends - male or female. Interesting. You think that your life-stage or age has something to do with this choice? You're in your 30s now, with a son. Where you any different in your 20s while you were in school/working? Is it harder to meet women now that you choose to limit your socializing with them? By the way, like you, my friends of the opposite sex tend to be gay. In many ways it's so much easier. There's none of that possible sexual tension to deal with. I never really consciously decided to do this, but for some reason, we find each other.
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 By the way, like you, my friends of the opposite sex tend to be gay. In many ways it's so much easier. There's none of that possible sexual tension to deal with. I never really consciously decided to do this, but for some reason, we find each other. You know. I had this roommate who was, I though, flaming. He wore pink sarongs to the beach, and painted his nails. Maybe it's just me but he became obsessively attached to me. Single Gay Asian Male, I called him (harken to single white female) -- he velcroed himself into my life, I swear to Gawd. When my BF's son first met my roomie at the time he was like, "Uh, Dad, I think you have some competition." I know I'm manly -- but not THAT manly.
SmoochieFace Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Interesting. You think that your life-stage or age has something to do with this choice? You're in your 30s now, with a son. Where you any different in your 20s while you were in school/working? Is it harder to meet women now that you choose to limit your socializing with them? I believe so. Plus I don't seem to relate very well with the *current* generation anyway so it's easier to concentrate on the two people in my life who mean the most. In my 20s... all I basically did was school and work. I put myself through university and held down a job from which practically all the money went towards tuition. I basically didn't *have a life* during my 20s. Harder to meet women now? If I was single... oh hell yeah. I guess I'm lucky though... don't have to worry about it. By the way, like you, my friends of the opposite sex tend to be gay. In many ways it's so much easier. There's none of that possible sexual tension to deal with. I never really consciously decided to do this, but for some reason, we find each other. Completely agree. No sexual pressure makes it easier to cultivate a friendship without any *expectations*. I had a friendship like that some years ago and it was rewarding indeed... just not in *that way*!
Author brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 Hee hee, I AM psychic. I totally knew this was coming. Move over Miss Cleo. I told you about my BF already. Plus, I live in the South, where good ol' boys and rednecks roam, and it's not uncommon to find grown men who still hang out in front of their house drinking beer and talking to each other around the back of a pickup truck. For no apparent reason. Hi Otter, Yup, this thread started with thanks to you and Walk. Ah, so I shouldn't move to the Rockies. I should move down South! These darn yankee boys are too much of a pain in the butt. I know that if all things are equal and happy within a relationship, that nobody can control if a bf/gf will cheat or not. Does his not having female friends make it easier for you to trust him? Do you feel more secure since you're the only non-related woman in his life? By the way, that's a really pretty picture of you. Your bf must be fighting the guys off with a stick! Your original post: My exH had tons of female friends. Ultimately I feel that was because he was like a woman with a penis. I tend to date manly men who are into sports and work with their hands. They usually have no women working with them. And in their spare time they fish, golf, and play poker. Also non-feminine past times. Luckily I like to fish and golf and am pretty outdoorsy. That's about it.
NTB Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Hee hee, I AM psychic. I totally knew this was coming. Move over Miss Cleo. didn't miss cleo get sued for being a fraud :lmao: she wasn't even jamaican
Author brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 You know. I had this roommate who was, I though, flaming. He wore pink sarongs to the beach, and painted his nails. Maybe it's just me but he became obsessively attached to me. Single Gay Asian Male, I called him (harken to single white female) -- he velcroed himself into my life, I swear to Gawd. When my BF's son first met my roomie at the time he was like, "Uh, Dad, I think you have some competition." I know I'm manly -- but not THAT manly. Well, one thing's for sure, you won't ever have to worry about having sarong guy hit on you. You just have to worry about him borrowing your favorite clothes! You? You're not manly at all. What a weird thing to say. Maybe the kid was being ironic.
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Hi Otter, Yup, this thread started with thanks to you and Walk. Ah, so I shouldn't move to the Rockies. I should move down South! These darn yankee boys are too much of a pain in the butt. I know that if all things are equal and happy within a relationship, that nobody can control if a bf/gf will cheat or not. Does his not having female friends make it easier for you to trust him? Do you feel more secure since you're the only non-related woman in his life? By the way, that's a really pretty picture of you. Your bf must be fighting the guys off with a stick! Thanks for putting up the original post, lady! And thank you. I think it does put me at ease to a certain degree. Actually to a huge degree. We joke about it, now, where I would normally be weird and insecure. So I guess on some level it was something I chose consciously because I know how I am.
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Well, one thing's for sure, you won't ever have to worry about having sarong guy hit on you. You just have to worry about him borrowing your favorite clothes! You're not kidding. When he moved out he took every.single.pair of short shorts that I own. It was October when he moved out so I didn't realize until now. That bitch.
Author brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 Walk's original post: All the men I've dated have never had female friends. I kind of assumed that was the norm, not the exception. Walk, where are you located?
Author brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 You're not kidding. When he moved out he took every.single.pair of short shorts that I own. It was October when he moved out so I didn't realize until now. That bitch. :lmao:
Author brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 P.S. Walk, did you ever sort this out? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t85078/ It's kind of related to the whole "female friend" issue. If he never used to look at other women, and I were in your shoes, hell, I'd be freaked out by his behavior, too. It was rude of him to go looking for her and leave you standing there.
grateful Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Wow, this thread is so weird to me. I have never dated a man without female friends. I can't imagine wanting one - - I mean it just would never even occur to me to look for this attribute in a man. I guess I just see that all kinds of people walk around in this world. I wouldn't want to be with someone who can't get along with half of them. Women have more value than as girlfriends/FWB's/ONS's only. I want (and have) a man in my life who respects women enough to be interested in who they are even if he isn't trying to score (cause he's already getting that from me ).
catgirl1927 Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 I've had BFs and even an H who had female friends. My current BF is the only one who has stayed friends with all his exes. The exes freak me out more than the friends. And I've never been with someone who would go out one on one with those friends and I wasn't invited.
SmoochieFace Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Women have more value than as girlfriends... Well... thing is... my GF IS my friend. My best friend in addition to girlfriend, lover, etc. So she has much more value to me than just a girlfriend.
Pyro Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 This thread's based on a couple comments made in another thread. Apparently, there are heterosexual men out there who don't have female friends. Which to me, is like the holy grail, or an urban myth. I'm really curious: Women, is your man like this? Does it make things easier (e.g.: less worry, easier to trust, etc.) in your relationship? What are the pros and cons, and do the pros outweigh the cons? Are you happier with this kind of man? Men, if you are female friend-free but happily date women, why and how'd you end up this way? Is it a choice or did it "just happen"? And most importantly, where and how does one find such a man? Do these guys as a rule do the manly-man camping/fishing/hunting thing? Do I have to move to the Rockies? Are there any living in the NY city area? For future reference please point me in the right direction. Heh. i do have my share of female friends. They are only friends to me. I do not look at them or think about them in a sexual way. Just to make things easier for my GF, I have made it a habit to introduce her to all of them. IMHO, I think that its a red flag if your S.O. does not introduce you to their opposite sex friends.
Author brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 Wow, this thread is so weird to me. I have never dated a man without female friends. I can't imagine wanting one - - I mean it just would never even occur to me to look for this attribute in a man. I guess I just see that all kinds of people walk around in this world. I wouldn't want to be with someone who can't get along with half of them. Women have more value than as girlfriends/FWB's/ONS's only. I want (and have) a man in my life who respects women enough to be interested in who they are even if he isn't trying to score (cause he's already getting that from me ). Me neither. Every man I've ever dated had female friends. Thing is, more often than not, at least 1 of those female friends presented a problem. Sigh. I am hoping with my current bf things are different. And I don't think a man who doesn't have any female friends (outside of his gf) doesn't respect them. Check out Smoochie.
Author brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 I've had BFs and even an H who had female friends. My current BF is the only one who has stayed friends with all his exes. The exes freak me out more than the friends. And I've never been with someone who would go out one on one with those friends and I wasn't invited. Oh god, scary exes. Eep. That's a whole other thread! Thankfully, my current bf isn't friends with any of them. He has one who is friends with friends, but he says they aren't in contact. Inviting you when he goes out with them is key to making you more comfortable, definitely. Even if you decide not to go, it's nice that you have the option.
Author brightskies Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 Well... thing is... my GF IS my friend. My best friend in addition to girlfriend, lover, etc. So she has much more value to me than just a girlfriend. Yeah, I treat my bf like this. Definitely the closest of my friends, the one I confide in the most. At least, it happens eventually, if we're together for some time. Since we're very new, my current bf is still pre-best friend stage.
SmoochieFace Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Yeah, I treat my SO like this. Definitely the closest of my friends, the one I confide in the most. At least, it happens eventually, if we're together for some time. Nice. Now let's drift back for a sec - since you were kind enough to *point me out* in an earlier post - from what basis do you derive your belief that guys who do not have female friends (apart from their GFs) do not respect women? I am most interested in hearing how you came to that conclusion.
grateful Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Me neither. Every man I've ever dated had female friends. Thing is, more often than not, at least 1 of those female friends presented a problem. Sigh. I am hoping with my current bf things are different. And I don't think a man who doesn't have any female friends (outside of his gf) doesn't respect them. Check out Smoochie. And how - that Smoochie really respects his SO! Maybe I overstated, but I think you know what I mean. I like that my SO can deal with women for who they are rather than only as potential hook-ups (whatever that may be, short term or long term). I'm hoping along with you that this time you won't have a problem with one of his female friends.
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Wow, this thread is so weird to me. I have never dated a man without female friends. I can't imagine wanting one - - I mean it just would never even occur to me to look for this attribute in a man. I guess I just see that all kinds of people walk around in this world. I wouldn't want to be with someone who can't get along with half of them. Women have more value than as girlfriends/FWB's/ONS's only. I want (and have) a man in my life who respects women enough to be interested in who they are even if he isn't trying to score (cause he's already getting that from me ). What if he shares no interests with women? I mean, my BF just doesn't work with any women (carpenter), or really do any activities that most women do. It's not always about a respect thing. As a4a reminded me, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, babe.
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