Penguin82 Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Hi. First off, just wanted to say that reading LS posts, especially the ones by Caliguy and No Foolin, have been really helpful. Thank you. Here's my story... It's been more than a year since my ex and I broke up. We dated for about a year and a half. I am still unsure as to why we broke up. I think it had to do with him falling out of love and wanting to explore other options, as well as me being too young and inexperienced to sustain a healthy relationship. I haven't dated anyone else since then. He, on the other hand, started seeing someone else within two weeks of our breakup. After the breakup, I tried my best to maintain NC. We've probably emailed each other less than five times since the breakup. So, anyway, I was doing really well, in terms of not thinking about him anymore, up until end of March, when he sent me a birthday email wishing me a happy birthday and asking that we start talking to each other on a more regular basis. It was friendly and made me really feel very nostalgic. Since that email, I've started thinking about him almost constantly. It's like I'm back to the first few months after the breakup. Because the email shook me up so much, I decided to tell him that I wasn't sure I'd be okay with hearing from him too often and that I'd like to limit our email updates to a quarterly basis (i.e., once every 3 months) and that I would send him another email in the fall. He didn't reply to that email. Now, I feel really restless and I find myself itching to call him almost everyday. It's frustrating because I feel like a lot of the work I did to recover over the past year is being washed away by his contact. I know that if he were to ask me for a second chance, I would not hesitate to give it to him. This way of thinking has made it very hard for me to date other people, despite all the time that has passed and my genuine desire for a new relationship. Ugh...not sure if that makes sense. Anyway, I should let you guys know that he was my first serious relationship and that the two of us were talking about moving in together before he broke up with me. I wanted to marry him. At any rate, I was hoping to get some advice on how best to proceed. Should I start emailing him more often and try to see if he's interested in getting back together? Or should I avoid him like the plague and not initiate any more contact with him? I don't mind hearing about his life and telling him about mine, per se, but the waiting to hear back and the fear that he'll write something mean might make it all not worth the trouble. Ugh. Ideally, I'd like to find a relatively risk-free way to get closer and find out if he wants to get back together....any ideas out there? Thanks! BTW, I am leaving the US this summer to travel for three months and then moving to NC for graduate school in the fall. He lives in NY, so even if we were to reconcile, it would have to be a long distance relationship, which might be too much, considering how distrustful I am of him at this point.
kypepeo Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 You need to stick it out and stay away from him. You must have had good reasons to break up with him before so even if you get back together now, things will still end up where they did before. I don't think that people can just become friends after a serious relationship, especially not after a few months. That's probably why he shook you up so much. Just stick to your resolve to move on and limit the contact between you two
CaliGuy Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Stick to to NC. The direction you are headed in life will most assuredly have you meeting someone else in life.
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