Being happy with yourself is the number 1 ingredient for success in relationships.

[SmoochieFace]

I read stories of so many people who are miserable in their relationships and many of those people also complain that they are always attracting the *wrong type*. They go on and on about so-and-so not being *right* and how they should change. When it turns out that the person won't change - for whatever reason - they go crazy and have crying fits, quit eating, or start pushing other people away. They make themselves quite miserable with that.

 

I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that these people just aren't happy with themselves. They blame their unhappiness on many things such as not being in a relationship or being in a relationship with the *wrong type* or their childhood experiences, etc. The stereotypical *unhappily single* person immediately comes to mind.

 

Thing is... it's not really the fact that their unhappiness is caused by them not being in a relationship, etc. - it's the fact that their unhappiness with themselves is what's keeping them from being in a relationship. I see people jumping into relationships as a way to fill up some void they have and many of them are deluded into thinking that being in a relationship will solve all of their self-esteem issues and make them happy people. But if you are unhappy with yourself it may backfire.

 

I believe that opposites REALLY do not attract. The miserable and unhappy people will end up being paired off with other people who are similar to themselves... and what happens is the realtionship goes south and that just reinforces the negativity harboured by the unhappy person. The cycle repeats perpetually UNLESS the person decides to say NO to relationships temporarily and work on themselves so that they can be genuinely happy and thus attract a healthier and happier person.

[Outcast]

Give the man a prize

 

I've far too often seen posts from people hoping to find someone to 'make them happy'. BIG mistake to put that responsibility on some poor mortal's shoulders. It's your own job to make you happy - folks ought not foist it off on others but rather go to whatever lengths it takes to find out how to do it for themselves. Same goes with insecurity. And I do NOT buy the 'but that's just the way I aaammmm' whine/pout. Some things aren't fixable, but those things are.