Author Vertex Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 catgirl: I totally agree with you but I don't know what I need to do.
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 And yes I have had a hard time understanding that people feel differently about one another in relationships... I miss having that mutually "into-each other" feeling and it feels very one-sided where I try to get close but she doesn't seem to want to reciprocate. I feel very low-priority in her life. There is no such thing as being able to feel exactly the same about another person. You guys are long distance, have you read any books about that? When I was in a LDR I did all sorts of research. The way the relationship plays out, and the things you need to do in that type of relationship are VERY different from normal ones.
littlepiggy1 Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 There's no hard and fast rule to becoming more secure and self-confident. It's one of those frustrating things that can take awhile to build up. You also have to be careful you don't simply try to adopt another extreme as a band-aid. Blindly trusting people unconditionally isn't healthy either. IMHO, being able to truth others starts by being able to trust yourself. And this starts by being completely honest with yourself. You say you've been getting these negative vibes from the relationship. That she doesn't appear to want to be as committed as you want. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling or recognizing that. If that's how you are feeling then that's how you are feeling. Be honest about that and accept it. What you don't want to do, however, is let that fester. That's when you start second guessing everything she does and leads to things like this incident. What you want to do is tell her straight out. Just say to her "this is what I want in our relationship and this is how I perceive things are right now". Don't be judgemental, either. Say how you see things, but without attacking her. It could be that she's not a serious about the relationship as you are. Or it could be that it's all in your head.
Author Vertex Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 What are the major differences you have learned? Maybe I am missing something huge :/
blind_otter Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 What are the major differences you have learned? Maybe I am missing something huge :/ Don't ask me. My LDR fell apart. Google it. You'll find loads of information.
catgirl1927 Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 catgirl: I totally agree with you but I don't know what I need to do. I vote for nothing. Just give her some space.
jerbear Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 How do I apologize correctly? I know just saying sorry won't do it. And yea I'd rather do it in person too but eh, even meeting her in person is something hard to do now. I liked Magda's wording. This is the LDR one? What happened to the current one? I thought you put in (ex?) to mean current. If you can't meet her, call her. In other words put yourself at her mercy. If you want to let go then let go and move on; drop it as if nothing happened. That would piss her off even more that you don't care and TO DARN stubborn. Honestly, if it is over the edge and "over" then it will happen regardless. If it makes you feel better that you apologized and wait a few days. Then do it. It is ok to be stubborn but there are also times where if you are wrong, you should apologize. I do agree to wait sometime, 1 to 2 days, to let things cool down a bit. Sometimes you have to pick your battles, IMO, this is one not to fight about.
ms_jnj Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Hm...a simpler way to figure out if she wanted to clear the details would have been to re-add her and then re-add the details yourself and see if she confirmed the details or not. If she didn't confirm them....you'd know. But, too late now. It just sounds to me like she is getting a bit freaked out by you being so clingy. And you know...sometimes you have to pick your battles, and regardless of her motives, this probably wasn't one to pick. Why? Because you really can't prove that it was or was not an accident, so there is no way to make this her fault, really. And then you look silly for picking a fight over facebook. And besides, if she wants space, give it to her! If that means clearing her facebook details, well...you would have the right to tell her that doing so hurts your feelings, because it looks like she doesn't want you...but freaking out over it is going to turn her off. And really, when you get angry and pushy it gives people and excuse to get angry back. Pretending that you could prove she did it to eliminate the details, (which you can't)...It might have sent quite the message, if you had called her on the phone, and calmly but firmly said "You know, NAME, when you do something like this it makes me think that you don't want to be with me. That's pretty hurtful, and it doesn't make the future look good for this relationship. I've got to go now, and I have some thinking to do, but I just wanted to let you know how hurt I am by this." That might stop her in her tracks. You aren't pestering her, or clinging to her...just hurt and angry and stepping away from her. It might get her attention at any rate.
MadDog Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Vertex, I've read several of your posts now & I'm starting to think you two have personality conflicts. You seem to be in a chronic state of worry; you worry about whether you're pleasing her & when you're not doing that, you're worrying that she wants to get rid of you. At this point, I really don't blame her if she does. Think of it from her perspective. Do you think she's having any fun with your behaviour? I think you have some insecurity & confidence issues to work out. It's impossible to make a relationship work when issues like this exist. Whether she wants to hang around while you resolve things is up to her.
mental_traveller Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 On the face of it I'd say you were in the wrong and her explanation sounds plausible. Basically you sound a bit paranoid and you are quick to accuse in this conversation. If my gf told me the same thing, I'd say "ah ok" and then talk about something normal - she'd have to do a lot more for me to get "suspicious". To be honest it ounds like you get suspicious at the drop of a hat, and that's not healthy for any relationship.
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