AmItheOne Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Ok, so some of you may know my story but here is a short recap...in a relationship for almost 2 years now which is currently a LDR. Saturday night I went to dinner (at a TGI Fridays, not a bar or anything) with my brother's fiance and my nephew and my daughter...I had ONE martini before dinner (so still had a good hour at the resturant) and my boyfriend called, I told him about my yummy drink (it had Starbucks in it!) and he proceeds to ask me where my daughter was and I said, right here...so he then gets angry and asks if I am DRIVING home! He knows me better than to think I would drive my daughter around if I had too much to drink and one martini an hour and a half before driving is NOT bad in my book. It really hurt my feelings and I let him know it on Sunday...(not to mention, he got DRUNK the weekend before out of town and then went home, he may not have had a kid with him but someone on that road did). Anyway we had a fight about it and he said I never let him express his opinion and I am always so defensive...who wouldn't be with that comment! So now it is Wednesday and nothing, no phone calls, no text messages or emails for 3 days now...what is going on. Was I out of line to get upset by his statement? We are supposed to go with my family to the beach this weekend but I'm pretty sure that is off now. Should I call him? I really think he should call to apologize but I need opinions...PLEASE!
BeFree Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 It sounds like he is just mad. I hate it when my bf just gets mad and doesn't call to talk about it. It could be days before he calls back. I wouldn't sweat it. But you should give him a call and try to talk about it. Good luck.
Author AmItheOne Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 maybe I will call him tomorrow...he's at work now til 7 am. I am so stubborn though, he f***ed up he should call
Author AmItheOne Posted April 17, 2006 Author Posted April 17, 2006 Well I finally heard from my boyfriend on Sunday...so exactly a week of nc. I was so angry at that point that I kind of unleashed on him. He said that the argument that we had made him think that maybe we shouldn't be together anymore...I told him that was fine, but you don't deal with it by not telling me what is going on for a week...he said the way he deals is not to deal . Anyway, I told him that I thought it was immature and ridiculous to end a 2 year relationship because of what other people have said...he then says, I don't want to end our relationship. I then get the whole, I'm really busy right now with school (part time, online) and that if I wanted to see him for the next 10 weeks it would be me making the effort to go there. For me that is a pile of shyt...when we met I was in college full time, working full time and raising my daughter on my own and I still made time for him. I ended the convo on good terms, we kinda caught up about the week we missed (I went back to the town I went to college in to see my friends and hang out at the beach). I told him I may drive home that night which is about 3 1/2 hours and he said that he wanted me to call him and let him know what I decided to do. So, about an hour into my trip I called to let him know that I was driving home...he was working on a paper and seemed a little irritated that I interrupted...so instead I called one of my best guy friends and he talked to me the rest of the way home so I wouldn't fall asleep. I decided I was done with this relationship because I deserve better, I was fired up...then about an hour after I got home, my boyfriend calls being oh so sweet and wanting to make sure I made it home ok and talked for an hour like nothing was wrong! I am so confused today, I love this man...I really do but I felt like he was telling me that he wasn't going to break up with me but that I had to put up with being #10 on his list. I have no problem with being put on the back burner while he persues his degree...no one understands the importance more than me but I do have a problem doing it and feeling strung along. My question is I am planning to talk to him today about this and I was thinking of saying something along the lines of...I fully support his decision to go to school and I do not have a problem putting in a little more of the effort for the time being but I need to know that you want to put in the effort but just can't at this point...basically I am not willing to do this for someone who doesn't love me and see a future with me...otherwise I am just wasting precious time. Does this sound harsh? I don't want to make all these sacrifices for someone who doesn't see a future with me, especially since I am still young, I am attractive, well educated and very self sufficient (a pretty good catch). I don't know what to do...everyone tells me he doesn't treat me well and that I could do better but I just can't dump him, I've never dumped anyone and I still keep in touch with most of my exe's cause I hold everyone that had a significant part in my life close to my heart.
aleatoryd Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 Sounds complicated. On one hand I think the guy definitely cares for you - stress of college can really wear a person down and when I'm tired I can be iritable and liable to say things that I regret if I feel pressurised. However I'm not really a confrontational guy which is why it can be very out of character for me. I reckon the same is true of your boyfriend sometimes you need to look at the bigger picture and not one specific disagreement. I'm sure he does see a future with you. He was concerned for your daughter even though he should have known you'd never endanger her. To me that shows his gut feelings are concern and care but he just expressed this badly. Likewise his hot/cold reactions to you suggest that he isn't really sure about how he feels. If there is a consistant pattern of irrational behaviour and there is solid reason for your friends concerns about him not treating you well then you both need to consider whether the strain of LDR can work out. Go have your talk... if he's understanding then you should be able to reach a position you are both "happy" with. If not well I guess you should consider breaking up at least temporarily so you both take time to work out where you see/want the relationship to go. Better to address the problems now than to stay stuck in the same situation several months on.
Author AmItheOne Posted April 17, 2006 Author Posted April 17, 2006 He admitted yesterday that the reason he made the comment about my having a drink with dinner is because I was having dinner with my brother's fiance and he does not like her at all because she made the comment that she doesn't think we are right for each other. Which is also another sore spot between us because the comment bothered me but she apologized and I'm over it (she's going to be family) but he says he doesn't have to forgive her and that he won't...we are all going to Vegas in a month so I don't know how that will work out with the two of them. I just wish he could let it go, let anything go...he has an amazing ability to hold a grudge and he is still completely pissed off at me for texting an ex boyfriend from college when I went back to visit a month or so ago (we had a mutual friend who was getting married...there was nothing more to it than that but my boyfriend insists that I called him to hook up which hurts me terribly). I just don't know what to do
aleatoryd Posted April 17, 2006 Posted April 17, 2006 Hmm okay well in light of what you just said he does sound rather jealous. I guess that is a possible attribute of having a LDR? Other people would know better than me. If it continues to be a hassle - i.e. arguments, accusations, grudges then I think he's actually not mature enough for the situation he is in. Sure when he's back home near you he's maybe fine and it works but some people are not meant to be LDR. My friends had a normal relationship for 2 years then it went Long Distance due to University. After 2 more years they broke up because the guy cheatd on the girl. At home there had been some friction but it was just the normal stuff. Some people just can't cope with the LD thing. If there's no improvements then move on.
Author AmItheOne Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 I was just looking back at this post and realized that this was the day my life changed drastically. Life is fickle sometimes and things that seem so very important at the time pale in comparison only weeks later. Not sure why when things are actually going well in my life, I have to get knocked down...every time.
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