lea Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 Maybe this isn't the right place to write about this, but I've nobody to talk to, least of all him. I have to tell somebody how I feel. I've known a guy for several years now. We live in separate countries, though it's not always been like that. When I first got to know him, I was very young. I'm still young, but nowhere near where I was. Anyway, you know how some people you just can't help but click with? It was like that with him. Ever since we became friends, we've gotten along so well. I'm going to make a long story short - We had a long distance relationship when I was still very young. It lasted a long while. Then we broke up, and we both had other boyfriends/girlfriends where we lived. After about a year of that we became friends again, and to my amazement our connection was as strong as it had ever been. We grew closer with each conversation, although our contact was very limited. Then I moved to his country, and our contact level picked up a lot. He advanced from being a close friend to being a very close friend. I realised I had a crush on him. I confessed, and what do you know, he liked me too. Nothing happened, we couldn't see each other because things kept getting in the way (serious things-death things and leaving the country things). He told me he couldn't do this. I was hurt, and we broke contact for a few months. Then, before I left his country to move back to mine, I wrote him a letter. We've been writing ever since, for almost a year now. The letters reconnected us yet again, and our level of friendship is now so deep that I don't know what I'd do without it. He knows me better than anyone. The thing is that... even though we're good friends through letters and the occasional phonecall, there's still feelings there. Still chemistry. Considering our past, it's hard to know what to think. We're honest with each other all the time, I know he wishes that we'd have a chance to see what happens. Only yesterday he told me that bar his closest family there's nobody he loves as much as me. But I also know I'd rather be without him than have a long distance relationship. Don't get me wrong, he means the world to me, but we've been there and done that. And granted I'm older now, but maybe I've lost the naivete needed to maintain a LDR. Uh.. yeah. Advice is what I'm looking for. Maybe advice on how to deal with this. I can't seem to like other boys, because I only end up comparing them to him, and the connection he and I have. I'm in a gridlock. Lea.
leopardprint Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 And granted I'm older now, but maybe I've lost the naivete needed to maintain a LDR. And what does naivete have anything to do with maintaining an LDR? If anything, naivete distroys LDRs. One must have some sort of life/relationship experience and understanding, with a strong sense of critical judgment, in order to take on an LDR, keep it strong, make it work, and get through it until both parties can come together. It takes two willing people to make an LDR work; two people who are in complete understanding of each other, of how an LDR works, and that they both WANT it to work. To be honest, I think it's naive to say that that is needed to maintain an LDR. If you're not a person who can deal, or handle, or even want an LDR, then that's fine. You said it didn't work, and that experience is fine to say that you wouldn't want to persue another one. However, there are plenty of us out there who are extremely and deeply experienced in LDRs and know what it takes to make them successful - and naivete is far, FAR from it.
Author lea Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 What does it take? Devotion? A lack of sexdrive? A lack of other, possible partners? A glorifying of the significant other? A basis in a long, steady relationship before you two become a LDR?
leopardprint Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 What does it take? Devotion? A lack of sexdrive? A lack of other, possible partners? A glorifying of the significant other? A basis in a long, steady relationship before you two become a LDR? (I'm going to assume you are refering to monogamous relationships) Devotion; yes, as in any and all relationships, both parties should have and show devotion, physical/mental/emotional affection, and loyalty to one another. A lack of sexdrive; not at all. My boyfriend and I are EXTREMELY sexual. There are plenty of ways to maintain a sexual relationship long distantly. Webcaming, phone sex, etc. There are loads of threads on loveshack talking about this. And that also depends on how often you two see one another and how important sex really is to you and the relationship. A lack of other possible partners; if you're really considering that in any monogamous relationship, then you shouldn't be in one. Being in a serious relationship with anyone means they THEY are your partner; not other various other "possible" people. A glorifying of the significant other; I don't glorify anyone I'm with, but I do feel strongly about someone I consider an SO. There's a reason why you would call someone a "significant" other. If they're so "significant", then you obvious already deem them as a compelling, meaningful, central person in your life. I love loving my lover. A basis in a long, steady relationship before you two become a LDR; I don't think this is necessary - my boyfriend and I started in an LDR and will finish it in a year when he finalizes the move and job - but I do believe some experience in maintaining any type of serious, monogamous relationship is necessary.
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