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Just venting...


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Posted

I dont know why i do this all the time. i come on here and type my heart out. im not looking for the right and correct thing to do as much as i am looking to make sure i am not insane. i love the guy i am with. i think he is great and we could have something really special that could really last. the problem is that i just started school again. i am taking one class now. I dropped my math class because i dont undestand it. i am working my butt off to bring home money to my two children every week and try to keep them active and happy. we want to move into together but i dont make enough money and i would have to work full time which means i would have to drop school. i have 8 years of school ahead me. a year ago i was single and i had plans to stay that way. but me and him we just hit if off perfectly. some ups and downs but what can you expect? i wasnt searching for anyone. we just kinda bumped into each other and become close quickly. half of me says go to school and slow the relationship down and the other half of me says life isnt about the degree i obtain or the money i make. its about happiness and family. i am so tired of being unhappy. i am so tired of being worn down and run over. i have been going to college and working 2 jobs not to mention being a fulltime mom and fulltime girlfriend. theres no time for everything. some thing has to change. i have to sacrifice big and i dont know what to give up on. some times i feel like giving up on every thing but my kids. we were doing so good when i just worked my two jobs. we had money and we went places. now i quit one to concentrate on school and i cant afford anything. my boyfriend is paying my bills for me. i am just so independant and used to being alone for almost 4 years that some times i just want to do it alone. but then i just want what i had before. a husband, a beautiful home, two happy children....you know...the "family life." but everyone i know would be so disappointed if i didnt go to school. my kids would be disappointed and i dont want that. why does everything always have to be so difficult. sometimes for as mean and cruel as my exh was...i wish i would have just stayed. i already had it all...but it wasnt with the right person. i scarificed everything to find a man that would treat me and my children the way a husband and dad should. now i have to sacrifice this man i found so i can get a piece of paper so i can make more money? i dont understand. i have so much stress on me. i just cant breathe anymore. its like everything is closing in around me and i am suffocating. i feel myself coming apart. I feel like telling everyone off that ever wronged me and i have been starting to. i dont want to become a major b*tch and make things worse on me. but i feel myself retreating. trying to crawl into a hole and ignore whats going on and make myself alone again so i can resurface and start all over. whats the matter with me working an office i already have and having a family life? we all do it mostly. i dont know...i really dont have anyone else to talk to about all this because everyone else is so partial its not even funny. thats why i come on here. no one knows me, no one loves me or my kids, no one wants me back...

Posted

Staying in a relationship where you have material goods but a bad relationship will not make you any happier -- as long as you have a loving family you can have a relatively good shot at it, but yes there are hard times (if it makes you feel any better I can always help you with school stuff if you'd like :) ) and yes a degree does open doors, and it is good that you have the clear mind to pursue schooling despite its difficulty in life. Getting a "piece of paper," however stupid in concept it may sound, may help you get to the point where you only need one job and no extra schooling so you can better focus on family without as many monetary problems. Schooling ALWAYS has a "high cost now, but relatively larger payoff later that compensates for the loss" sort of effect.

 

Not that I have any objective say in the matter but I kinda want to suggest that you should stick with school... it really can help with quite a bit. If you have a family that loves you though, they can help do what they can to alleviate stress, especially if your new man is understanding enough to see your struggles and assist.

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