My boyfriend is looking at porn... how should I feel?

[Guest-Cait]

I've looked at a ton of other threads like the one I'm about to post, and it seems a lot of other women are going through what I'm going through. Hopefully this means I'll be able to get some good advice and other views about this.

 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a month. Our relationship has had some problems, but otherwise it's absolutely amazing. We practically live together, as he always spends the night at my house. We've had some trust issues in the past, but we've done a lot of healing and I thought we were completely past our problems. Everything was going pretty great.

 

A couple days ago, after coming home from work, I got online to check my usual websites, and randomly decided to look at the website history. I found a list of google image searches of porn, and then the links listed to those pictures too. I went over to him and woke him up, and calmly asked him why those searches were on our computer. He came over to the computer with me and said he had no idea; that it must be some hijacker or popup stuff. But I know enough about computers to know that if it's in the web history, someone has clicked on that page. >< I tried to remain calm, and give him a little room to open up to me, but he continued to tell me that he didn't look at it. The next day, I decided to hint at it again, and he finally came clean. He told me he was just in the mood, and decided to use some pictures to get him going. This really hurt me, because it is my personal belief that when you're in a relationship, you're eyes and mind should be soully on your partner. He knows that I feel this way, and he knows how much it hurts me when he checks out other girls. I asked him why he lied, and he said he was just embarrassed. He told me that it was the first time he's done it in a long long time, but I'm not sure if I should believe him. From what I've heard from other women's stories, men usually lie about that. =/

 

I'm a very insecure person, though I have no doubt that he loves me. We aren't lacking in our sex life at all; in fact, we both love it, and he constantly tells me how great it is. But is there some fantasy I'm not fulfilling? He's admitted in the past that he likes looking at other naked women, but I'm just not comfortable with that. I have no tolerance for porn, and I thought he didn't either.

 

I'm just very confused, because he's always sounded so against it (porn that is). On one hand, I can understand that he has urges, and that it is common for men to look at porn. But at the same time, I will never be comfortable knowing that he looks at it, and there is no chance of me "accepting" this behavior. But what should I do? I'm afraid that if I give him an ultimatum, he'll tell me he won't do it again, but then just do it behind my back.

 

I know I have to trust him somehow, but I'm still very afraid. Is he bored with me? Is he not getting what he needs from me? Is he constantly looking at other women, wishing I looked a little more like them?

 

Any advice or new standpoints you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I'm just really heartbroken right now.

 

~~Thanks, Cait

[riobikini]

Is this a double-post? Aren't you 'VentingInBlue'?

 

If so, see responses in your other thread.

 

-Rio

[scobro]

Porn is a wonderful human art form of two people with no insecurities slamming away in front of 20 people filming them. It just doesn't get more romantic than that.If it wasn't for porn I wouldn't have been born.