Noos Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 People on this forum say attraction is all about confidence and self-esteem. I find that when I show confidence and self-esteem, guys don't like it. I'm an independent and intelligent girl able to talk about a range of issues. I'm finding most guys seem to get intimidated by women who are confident andwould prefer to date an agreeable, non-communicative limpit . In "He's Just Not That Into You", Greg Behrendt said that men don't like women to be too independent because they want to feel needed. If they can see you don't need them, they won't bother with you. Okay, so when I'm shy and not outgoing, I'm told that I seem aloof and unapproachable to men, like they think they'll get shot down. So they are not attracted to me then either. I can't win. If I were a guy I would rather be with someone who chooses to be with me because they want to be, not because they need to rely on me for money, food and shelter, help with tax return etc. I'd be proud that my partner was self-sufficient. It seems guys don't think like this. What is the answer? What's the right balance? I'm getting very frustrated.
MadDog Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Sounds like you're just running into the wrong guys. I definately find confidence in a girl attractive. Confidence & independence means less insecurities & having my time & energy drained. Be yourself.
CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Sounds like you're just running into the wrong guys. I definately find confidence in a girl attractive. Confidence & independence means less insecurities & having my time & energy drained. Be yourself. Bingo! When your confidence and self-esteem are at healthy levels you'll find several things happening. a) You won't be attracted to the dysfunctional types you used to relate to. b) Your standards will be higher. c) You won't put up with bad behavior anymore. d) You'll naturally reject people who aren't strong and confident like you. That's the beauty of confidence of self-esteem! It's a natural defense against people who are bad for you. You'll attract the right guys who are confident and secure in themselves because they will want someone just like you! Be patient. It takes a little time to get used to the transition!
Sand&Water Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Bingo! When your confidence and self-esteem are at healthy levels you'll find several things happening. a) You won't be attracted to the dysfunctional types you used to relate to. b) Your standards will be higher. c) You won't put up with bad behavior anymore. d) You'll naturally reject people who aren't strong and confident like you. That's the beauty of confidence of self-esteem! It's a natural defense against people who are bad for you. You'll attract the right guys who are confident and secure in themselves because they will want someone just like you! Be patient. It takes a little time to get used to the transition! Right on CaliGuy! As a female, being able to express a wholesome, content, and self-confident vibe is truely a challenge, but definately something I working on to achieve. Guys fall for that, and as much as I'd like to hide in my shell, I've learned that now more than ever, my so-called shell won't protect me in crucial times. I just hope, I'm walking on the right path...haven't seen a guy in sight, yet! Find your middle-ground. Don't walk in someone else's footsteps.
ratzskinakie Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Bingo! When your confidence and self-esteem are at healthy levels you'll find several things happening. a) You won't be attracted to the dysfunctional types you used to relate to. b) Your standards will be higher. c) You won't put up with bad behavior anymore. d) You'll naturally reject people who aren't strong and confident like you. That's the beauty of confidence of self-esteem! It's a natural defense against people who are bad for you. You'll attract the right guys who are confident and secure in themselves because they will want someone just like you! Be patient. It takes a little time to get used to the transition! I like your posts caliguy, you seem to have a good understanding of the psychology, confidence, self-esteem thing. because what im going through in life right now, im going through a phase where im discovering and experiencing alot of that, and the more I learn what confidence and self-esteem really means, the more I realize how important those things are for all the aspects of my life. Girls with healthy confidence and self esteem I admire alot, those things alone I find attractive alot of the time. I find myself thinking that if I couldent date them, then I would still would love to be friends those kind of girls.
CaliGuy Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Thanks all. Confidence is the "root" of our tree. From there, everything else will grow and flourish.
BlahBlahQueen Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 People on this forum say attraction is all about confidence and self-esteem. I find that when I show confidence and self-esteem, guys don't like it. I'm an independent and intelligent girl able to talk about a range of issues. I'm finding most guys seem to get intimidated by women who are confident andwould prefer to date an agreeable, non-communicative limpit . The trick is to be agreeable while being confident and intelligent. Because there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And it's arrogance that intimidates men. As long as you can be self-assured and interesting while keeping a smile on your face and an approachable, affable, happy-go-lucky air about you, you'll have them like moths to a flame. Show off your smarts while making them feel smart too... then the problem is eliminated. I don't see why you view self-confident and agreeable as opposites. Good-natured conversation without shyness or insecurities is always attractive.
Author Noos Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 I meant that if you contradict them in any way or disagree with their point of view on anything, they get s***ty with you. It's an ego thing, I think. I don't see why I should have to pretend that their opinions are gospel just to have them like me.
electric_sheep Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 BlahBlahQueen hit the nail on the head. Often times self-assurance and confidence come periously close to arrogance and conceit. Particularly if the confidence is forced or unnatural. Nobody likes it when people have a haughty or self-righteous air about them. One can be understanding and friendly to everyone, without letting them take advantage of you. Don't be worried about attracting the wrong kinds of people. Be natural and unpretentious, and have confidence in your ability to make good judgements about people. Just be yourself. All of us have our strengths and our weaknesses. Be forgiving of others flaws, including your own. Self-assurance and confidence, when combined with sympathy, understanding, and a non-judgemental attitude, are extremely sexy and attractive.
electric_sheep Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 I meant that if you contradict them in any way or disagree with their point of view on anything, they get s***ty with you. It's an ego thing, I think. I don't see why I should have to pretend that their opinions are gospel just to have them like me. Those kinds of guys I think you can live without. Unfortunately that kind of arrogant attitude is all too common among men. I think it's a social/cultural thing. Men are raised to be competitive. If a guy isn't enlightened enough to respect you and your opinion though, I wouldn't give him the time of day.
Author Noos Posted April 15, 2006 Author Posted April 15, 2006 That's great electric sheep. I'm in Australia, which has a very macho culture. I can forget about 98 percent of Australian guys.
MadDog Posted April 15, 2006 Posted April 15, 2006 That's great electric sheep. I'm in Australia, which has a very macho culture. I can forget about 98 percent of Australian guys. I consider myself a man's man but I think treating a lady like a lady (with respect & consideration) is very manly. If you don't know how to do that, you're just a brute.
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