beefy Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 hello all, im Rick and gunna be getting married soon... or later if i can help it lol . See my girl wants to big wedding with hundreds of poeple and limos and a band and everything, thing is i cant afford nearly half of what she wants. I just want to goto somewhere quiet and just have 1 or 2 friend there and noone else. How do you tell a woman who has been planning a wedding for 2 years this?
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 All I can say is Good Luck.. my heart goes out to you I don't think it is really possible
Author beefy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 All I can say is Good Luck.. my heart goes out to you I don't think it is really possible haha thanks, i really am scared.
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 haha thanks, i really am scared. Of course take this as just my opinion.. but it seems to me that you are in a lose/lose position. If you pull her aside and crush her dream of a 2 year wedding she will most likely have trouble with it and either not marry you or make the next 20 years of your life miserable. I think you just need to give in and go with the flow.. if there is anything you might do is try and talk with her about what you can afford .. even with a loan..but try and not crush her dream.. try and help her dream come true
My_Other_I Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 You cannot communicate about entering your marriage, how are you gonna communicate about bigger issues when those arise? Maybe you can talk and compromise? Have 50 people and a small band, limo just for the two of you, etc.
Author beefy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 Of course take this as just my opinion.. but it seems to me that you are in a lose/lose position. If you pull her aside and crush her dream of a 2 year wedding she will most likely have trouble with it and either not marry you or make the next 20 years of your life miserable. I think you just need to give in and go with the flow.. if there is anything you might do is try and talk with her about what you can afford .. even with a loan..but try and not crush her dream.. try and help her dream come true thanks for the advise, i think mabye we could come to a comprimise and meet half way, but she is stubborn and when she wants something she gets it. But i am living on Earth, god knows what fantasy lands she is on but what construction worker can afford a $100,000+ wedding? not me lol She tells me her parents will cover some of the cost but i dont want that either, for the rest of our lives i will know that her parents paid for half the wedding and it will be like some kind of debt we owe them.
whichwayisup Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 I thought it was tradition that parents paid for their kids weddings! No s***, I'm not joking. Most I've been to have been split 50-50.
Art_Critic Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 I thought it was tradition that parents paid for their kids weddings! No s***, I'm not joking. Most I've been to have been split 50-50. I paid for my own wedding.. but it was her second and my first.. her dad did walk her down the aisle and give her away..
magda Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 She tells me her parents will cover some of the cost but i dont want that either, for the rest of our lives i will know that her parents paid for half the wedding and it will be like some kind of debt we owe them. Yeah, don't feel that way because parents usually chip in. Traditionally the bride's parents pay for the whole thing so think of it as them getting off easy. Shouldn't you have told her 2 years ago though about the 1 or 2 person thing? If she's been planning for 2 years now you're a little late offering up an opinion.
Author beefy Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 Shouldn't you have told her 2 years ago though about the 1 or 2 person thing? If she's been planning for 2 years now you're a little late offering up an opinion. yea but honestly i never thought i would get married, ever since i was a kid i was against marriage but lots of things have changed and i guess its the way of the future... Thanks for all the info i will have a talk with her see what she says.
tikigods Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Actually more and more people are paying for their own weddings, my hubby and I did That being said you need to straight out tell her that her dreams aren't going to come true, but be willing to come up with some compermises with her. Let her know just what that money could go to, you could own a house or go on a nice vacation, why pay that much on a wedding? You need to both get on the same page
quankanne Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 it's all about compromise. Sit down with her, lay out all y'alls options, then start narrowing down from there. Simple wedding with a blow-out reception; huge wedding with a small, no-frills reception; something in between, etc. I know it's every girl's dream to do it on a grand scale, but saying it and actually having to plan the event are two different things. something you might consider: split the costs two, three or four ways. My BF, her groom, and both sets of parents chipped in equally for the wedding, and that went well. Her brother's girlfriend's family is in the flower business, so they contributed the flowers as a gift; the groom's friend is a minister; BF got her wedding trousseau from a consignment shop (saved gobs of money and doesn't have to keep up with a dress that just takes up space); the reception was at a small restaurant that threw in the cake because the couple purchased a certain amount of food. And the restaurant took the decorations she'd collected and set up the site for her. Not a whole lot of fuss, and she was one happy bride who didn't have to go into debt to get the wedding of her dreams (and it was nice). another idea: follow the Mexican tradition and get padrinos to sponsor different aspects of the wedding. One couple to pay the preacher, one to pay for the limo; several to pitch in for the meal; several to pay for the band; someone to pay for the hall; another to pay for the wine and beer; one to pay for the decorations, etc. Of course, you'd have to know a hell of a lot of people to get this to work!
Outcast Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 You should not be marrying someone you can't discuss finances with. You two should between you discuss all aspects of the wedding and all other finances from now on and come to an agreement. If she's so unaware of good financial planning that she thinks it's reasonable to have a six-figure wedding on your pay, she may also expect you to be sugar daddy and buy her everything she wants. I am absolutely not of the opinion that a woman should be a total flake about money and have 'the wedding of her dreams' just because she had fantasies when she was 10. When we're 10 we don't understand what a buck means, but now she's supposedly a grownup and should take on the responsibility of understanding that just because you want something doesn't mean you should get it no matter what the cost. Seriously. Maybe you folks should sign up for a marriage preparation course because from this it doesn't sound as though you've had the serious discussions people need to have before joining lives.
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