the_alchemyst Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I talked to his mom today. >__< She invited me over to her house on Wednesday morning, saying that she misses me since I haven't been there is a long time, and that the little girls (his baby sisters) miss me too, so she just asked if I could go over. I said yes. AHH!! Then last night his sister (16 yrs old) was talking to me via messenger, and she asked me if I wanted to go to the movies with her and the little sister. I was trying to say no, but then she went onto say that she would really enjoy it if I went with them, since they haven't seen me in a long time. Heh, then she told me that if I didn't want to go because of C. to not worry because she wouldn't tell. I said yes. AHH!! So now I'm going to the movies with them on Saturday. I love his family so much! They are beyond nice to me . . . and I know that they really like me. I just don't know if I am getting myself into an even bigger mess. Like for example: Last time I visited his mom, she told me to please not stop going over to visit the family, since they all grew very fond of me, regardless of whatever happened between me an him. I just don't want to not speak to them anymore, but at the same time I wonder if this is only making it that much more diffifcult to "forget" him (not that I want to) or for him to forget me (not that I want him to), and also wonder if I'm doing this because I'm some sort of trecherous woman. Am I just getting even more tangled? I wonder what she'll tell me on Wednesday . . . . AHH!!
2020vision Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 I was in a similiar situation to you. Through the course of the relationship with my ex, I grew very close to his mother. So close, that she actually was one of the people encouraging me to leave him...I know, weird. Anyhow, after the breakup I woul still get calls from his mother. I kept talking to her, in denial hoping to hear any shread of information she would give me in regards to my ex. (Not saying you are doing this) Although, I did and still do genuinely care about her and miss talking to her. I had to cut off contact with her...it was too much for me. And I suggest this for your and his entire family. Blood is thicker than water. The long term effects of this continued relationship with his family could end up disastrous. For me, I learned the hard way. My ex got into another relationship. The last conversation I had with his mother, she informed me how much he has changed, how his new gf is an interior decorator and how gorgeous their new apartment is together. OUCH, to say the least. Assuming you are not getting back together....Its inevitable that he will find someone new and pretty soon, time will take its course and the whole family will have to welcome his new girl into their lives and you will be "phased out". To make things worse for me, my ex also would call me and leave voicemails with variations of the following, "DO not talk to my mom anymore, its weird. *insert replacement g/f's name here* feels uncomfortable that you still talk to her, so please stop." HOW HUMILIATING, I know... I am not saying all this is going to happen to you, but I just cannot see this relationship with his family working, and I would not want you to go through what I went through.Being around his family will only open the wounds. Everytime you see them, talk to them it will remind you of your ex. So, please be kind to yourself and stop all contact.
Author the_alchemyst Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 Thanks, 2020. I appreciate your input. And you know, I think you're right. As I said above (or tried to . . . typo), I don't want him to think I'm being some sort of trecherous woman by keeping contact with his family. I mean, I'm not the one looking for them--they look for me, but of course he won't believe that. And yeah, whenever I talk to any of them, I'm eager to hear things about him, but I never actually ask about him because I'm scared of what they might have to say. Cutting contact with them is going to be so hard, though . . . I've known them for more than 2 years. Sigh. Sometimes I feel more comfortable with them than with my own family. Yeah, weird, I know. I guess I'll use Wednesday to tell her that I won't be going over anymore because it's just too hard for me. Oh, well.
MadDog Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Wow alchemyst. It seems like you keep having one obstacle after another to overcome. When your ex isn't calling to bug you, his family (unintentionally) is? It's not a complete loss as long as you pull through & let them know why you won't be able to continue talking to them; I'd leave that part until the end Enjoy the last time with them as much as you can. I've come to realize how temporary life really is. Material objects, relationships, love--none of it lasts forever. I mean, you can be the richest man on earth or have the greatest love affair ever & you'll be nothing more than an anecdote when you're gone. What this means is we have to enjoy each moment as much as possible & not worry so much about the past or future.
KittenMoon Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 I thin you're making the right decision, A. I would love to see my ex's family again, even sent them a nice note thanking them for their affection after the break-up (heard nothing back by the way ) But continuing these relationships is unproductive and painful.
2020vision Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Thanks, 2020. I appreciate your input. You are welcome! If I can prevent anyone from making the same makes I did, I would love to shed some light! I personally feel that you do not even owe the family or yourself a last visit, but if it is not going to hurt you too bad then do it. You can start from day 1 for really letting him go afterwards. Good Luck!
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