Author StrivingtoSucceed Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Hi, Silk - Thanks for the good vibes! I do hope all is going well for you. A few reasons factored into my decision to post here instead of the infidelity area. (Yes, I actually gave it some thought as I didn’t want to offend anyone. ) If I was wrong and anyone in this area wished I would stay away, then I figured they would correct me and I would then scurry off to my special place as a BS. I didn’t post on the infidelity site b/c I have an impression that there are posters there that are very one-sided. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten a lot of great ideas and suggestions there as well. But feel that with some betrayed spouses, they are holding on to anger and bitterness and it seems to come out in their posts. Not saying I haven’t had my share of anger and bitterness, b/c I have. But, at the point I was when I posted OP, I didn’t want to have to deal with that. I also have noticed in the past six months that the majority of repeat posters post in both areas and I figured all those that have followed my story would find me and respond as well.
Author StrivingtoSucceed Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Sami Thanks for making me think yesterday, I mean really think. Although I knew everyone is human and we all make mistakes, I failed to realize that and put him on too high of a pedestal in the first place. When he fell, I couldn’t come to grips with it ... OMG - he was not the man I thought he was. Until I read your thought about wanting a strong man. He never really did fall, he just stumbled and needed a little support. He just showed he was human, but at the same time, showed that he was strong enough for me. Of course, that’s not to say I won’t be back here posting some other time when I get my feathers ruffled ... I appreciate your support!
Author StrivingtoSucceed Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 LJ - Nice to hear from you. You are always the calm to everyone’s storm it seems. H is definitely being supportive and I know that he is trying very hard to understand me when my insecurities do pop up, which really isn’t very often anymore. It is like you said though, when you have that feeling that something is just “off,” you panic and then respond to that panic. And, although he really does hate it whenever the subject does come up as it did the other day and he gets tense and on edge, he does listen and explain to me in a way that I understand ... even though it takes a little prodding. I know it is very hard for him to communicate exactly what he means b/c I can very easily take a comment and run with it to end up with three/four very different meanings then what he meant. Although he says exactly what he means, most times I need clarification of his exact meaning. This is a perfect example of my mind running off in different directions. Also, I guess, a perfect example of how we are better communicating our feelings and misunderstandings too. I’ll check out marriagebuilders for that POJA thing you talked about. Trouble at this point in having him actively participate in fixing what was broke, or more like making sure it doesn't break again (since to him it isn’t broken anymore and therefore, nothing needs to be done) is this ... he definitely wants to leave it in the past and not talk about it. He kept an open mind and started to read How to Affair Proof Your Marriage, but still has the last three chapters to go ... he started reading it in November and the bookmark hasn’t moved since January! But, as you said, he is sharing his emotions and all his thoughts with me. So that is definitely a good thing!
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