My_Other_I Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I ended a relationship with a MM after his W found out. It was hard but I swore to myself that I will be single for a while and if a worthy man happens to cross my path, than be it. If not, be it. I met a guy. Really sweet, my type, single. Or so he said. We hit it off. Nothing serious, just casual dating. After a month I gave in and had sex with him. After a month I go on MySpace and find out he is married. I have had sex with another married man. I saw his beautiful wife and I read her ode to her husband - the sick bastard who swore he was single and interested, the sick bastard who made promises to her. I am sick to my stomach. I am so mad! I am thinking about a revenge, but on the other hand I know I have ignored some red flags, and knowing the married men mentality, the only person getting hurt would be his wife. What am I doing wrong? How come I come across cheating lying bastards? I have not given up on men yet but I am very very close. Is it my destiny to be the other woman for good? I left an affair to have another one.
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 You didn't know he was married until after, right? That is HIS f***-up, not yours. Move past this, don't even THINK about him or doing anything involving yourself in revenge... You have control over your own destiny. I think this guy was a fluke! If you had known he was married BEFORE you slept with him, I think you would have walked away, right? So, with that being said, it is over with him and that's that. Maybe take some time for yourself to be alone. Be happy with your life, without a man in it. You've been through ALOT so maybe it's good to take your time...
Author My_Other_I Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Thanks WWIU. I am very happy with my life overall, but this just brought a black cloud over my head again. I did not know he was married, but looking back at it, I should have. I feel stupid now replaying all he's said and knowing the reality of things. I will go back to being single and recover from my mistrust when it comes to men. It just makes me wonder what it is about me that attracts me to this type of men.
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Don't feel too stupid. He played you, plain and simple. What an a**h*** for him to be putting himself out there when he's married. PIG! On that note, I am telling you! There ARE some real nice men out there. When you're ready, sit back, date and be casual. Don't get serious, just keep it light. Really get to know the guy before any intimacy happens. I don't think you should classify ALL men as not trustworthy - Yet you do have to be careful. LISTEN to your gut and when you see any red flags, stop and think. Don't be afraid to ask the guy a question or two. Be firm and even say you won't put up with lies or anything. (Meaning if he is married or hiding a secret that could ruin things.) Hate to say this, but I'll be honest. Take the time to maybe figure out WHY these types of men are attracted to you - Or why you keep falling for MM. I'm not saying you're doing something wrong, not at all, but if you are questioning this about yourself, try to work through it. Go talk to someone professionally if you need to.
Curmudgeon Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 To add to what WWIU said, don't be in any rush to relationship. If it's worth having, it's worth the time to be careful and discerning. If a man is married certain patterns will emerge very quickly -- times you can't reach him, times he never calls you, times he has to leave or not show up at all. He'll likely not let you know where he lives and willn be evasive about personal information. Keep your antenna up but remember, we're not all like that. By the way, I am married but I'm very up front about it, have no intention of ever having an affair and have never given my wife a moment of worry about that, nor will I. However, I too was single once so I know that there are other single men of good character out there.
Author My_Other_I Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Well, one good thing about that is that I got over my MM for good. The thought of him brings no emotions what so ever. The sad thing is that it took another MM to do that. Ugh. Now I just need to get over my self. Thanks for your support, I agree with what's been said.
Blind Illusion Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I agree with the part someone said about being a fluke. It's not your destiny. Having lived through it before, you can now immediately know its not something you would want repeated
Author My_Other_I Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Having lived through it before, you can now immediately know its not something you would want repeated How very true!
Jessie61 Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 My Other I, Please don't kick yourself over this. You did nothing wrong. HE did. He is the one who deceived you. You cannot live life being suspicious of everyone forever. You're life would be poisoned if you did that. Try to put this behind you. No more contact with him. Be good to yourself. Take your time before you have another relationship. You need to heal first. You deserve an awful lot better than these guys!!!!
Sami_D Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I know I have ignored some red flags Which red flags? You learnt something from this... trust your gut instinct. There are some 'bad' men out there... there are also some lovely single guys (I'm living with one so I know they exist!!!). Don't give up, just keep polishing your antennae Also... congrats on getting over MM... so nice to hear that he's History for you.
Author My_Other_I Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 My Other I, Please don't kick yourself over this. You did nothing wrong. HE did. He is the one who deceived you. You cannot live life being suspicious of everyone forever. You're life would be poisoned if you did that. Try to put this behind you. No more contact with him. Be good to yourself. Take your time before you have another relationship. You need to heal first. You deserve an awful lot better than these guys!!!! I know it wasn't fully my fault but I should have known better. I am not as naive and trusting as I was when I met my first MM. At that time I didn't know that such thing as affairs existed and I truly believed that we were meant to be together, just the timing was wrong. I was literally in shock when he said he was to stay with his W (and of course named many reasons - nothing you haven't heard yet). I feel so bad for this guy's wife! She loves him so much and he takes it for granted, plus he has no respect for her. I am sure this wasn't the first time he has done this; he is no ammateur. You are right, I do need to heal first. Even when it feels as I am healed, I'm not. I am not bitter, just upset. I just found out yesterday overall. I've been nothing but honest with him and he's done nothing but lie to me. My pride has been insulted.
Author My_Other_I Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Which red flags? You learnt something from this... trust your gut instinct. There are some 'bad' men out there... there are also some lovely single guys (I'm living with one so I know they exist!!!). Don't give up, just keep polishing your antennae Also... congrats on getting over MM... so nice to hear that he's History for you. I cannot tell you what red flags I had ignored. You would think I am a complete fool! I know there are lovely guys there and I'm OK without one, too. If it happens it happens. Thank you all for your encouragement.
MadDog Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Why don't you log on to myspace right when you meet a guy next time?
Author My_Other_I Posted April 11, 2006 Author Posted April 11, 2006 Why don't you log on to myspace right when you meet a guy next time? I don't like spying on people but things didn't add up and that's why I finally did. I should have before I spread my pinkies for him. Next time is a given. Thank you, MySpySpace!
Jessie61 Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 I know it wasn't fully my fault but I should have known better. I am not as naive and trusting as I was when I met my first MM. You are right, I do need to heal first. Even when it feels as I am healed, I'm not. I am not bitter, just upset. I just found out yesterday overall. I've been nothing but honest with him and he's done nothing but lie to me. My pride has been insulted. My Other I, Even if you do feel partly responsible, there is no point kicking yourself indefinitively about this! It will only make you feel worse. Tell yourself that at least YOU were honest, even if he wasn't! I was cheated on once and for years I felt such a fool. I could not believe that I hadn't spotted it sooner and that I was so stupid etc... My pride and intelligence had had a serious knock! But I decided to stop being so hard on myself, and it helped. "At least I was honest, even if he wasn't..." You only found out the other day, of course you're upset and annoyed, but give it a while, then put it down to experience. Remember, we learn more from our mistakes than our successes in life!!!! Look after YOURSELF now, ok???
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