Guest Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 I have been married 7 years almost. Im 33 dh is 38. We use to be very very close and loved spending time with each other. I loved doing things around the house for him like taking care of the cleaning, cooking, and doing little surprises for him to enjoy, I worked outside the home. I was put on bedrest with the pregnancy of our daughter and it was no big deal since we decided together for me to be a sahm. I cannot do everything I use to do by myself anymore. I cant keep up and take care of her. I literally take care of everything, he doesnt even make his own lunch for work, get his gas or set out his clothes. I didnt mind it before but with a 2 year old who is very needy when it comes to attention Im not able to get it all done and expected for him to pick up some of the slack. He will not and gets resentful and angry at me. He works second shift 5:30 till 2:00am and infrequently overtime. He stays up till 7am every night and needs to sleep after so he will not help me with billpaying, running errands, nothing! And he treats me like a slave I feel and expects me to cater to him 24/7. I dont believe in that since I didnt grow up that way (he did) and I will not stand for it. When we have family functions he is always a grouch to me from staying up to late either watching tv, playing teenager computer games or looking at porn. Yeah he did this before our daughter but I didnt need his help then now I do. We discussed all of this before we were trying to concieve her. She wasnt a surprise, very planned out, so why is he acting like such a child?? I dont expect much of him at all anyways. I dont get any help from family either. He has ocd and I believe a touch of narcissistic behavior because he treats me like a child and believes he is perfect even when he makes mistakes he usually blames them on me in someway. He has ocd about broken glass and metal shavings so he is always paranoid about everything even what might be on your shoes or where you sat at somewhere else. I dont have any urge at all to have sex with him. He can tell because he hasnt approached me in about a month. It was very infrequent before due to him working at night and the only time without an active toddler awake is on weekend nights. Im so angry and resentful he has it soooo easy. His job is not hard at all and sits most of the day drinking pop. He makes a decent living for this area. I even told him the other day Im beginning to not like him and Im not sure how long I can continue to love him if he doesnt change. He says he is sorry but he doesnt change anything to fix it. He is sooo selfish I cant stand it. Ive thought about just biting my tongue and putting up with it but its hard to swallow sometimes. He is not rude to me in front of my daughter I wouldnt allow it. We never really fight it does no good to anyways because he would just say Im nagging if I asked him to do one thing one time. He uses selective hearing all the time and completely ignores me including when it comes to her safety like him leaving the gate open going down the stairs to the outside. She is only two and he acts like shes 10 and expects her to know better and Im worried about her safety with him so Im always with her. I would be afraid to divorce him and him never keep an eye on her during visitation. He is good otherwise, doesnt drink, smoke, cheat, always at home when not working. Doesnt spend a ton and is very good at being thrifty and conservative (which I like). Mostly clean, doesnt always pick up after himself. I guess after all this rambling my real question is what would you do? Am I expecting too much of him? Should I just learn to deal and appreciate what I have? How can I get him to be more independent? I dont want the mothering role to him I have a daughter and would like another one in the future but Im waiting to get through this rough patch before I think about trying for another one. Any advice appreciated.
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