bab Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 All in all I think my fiance and I have a great relationship. Most of the time when I'm reading peoples relationship issues here on LS, I feel extremely lucky. I'm a pretty easy going person, and don't take things personally that aren't personal. I've noticed that in the last few months when something happens/doesn't happen/or is said that isn't ideal I've started to overanalyze it. Does anybody else see this happening in their relationship? Two quick examples: 1. I asked him a couple months ago to bring me flowers on the day that I defended my thesis. He forgot. He's just not a flower person and I know that he just forgot. Normally I wouldn't read into this, and in all honesty I'm not really. But the day of it bothered me more than it normally would. I started to wonder if it was a red flag that he wasn't invested in me and some other overanalyzing BS. I totally discounted the fact that he went out of his way to arrange to take a test early so that he could come to my defense and then took me to bar and bought all my drinks, not to mention paid for a day at the spa the previous week. I caught myself and am no longer worried about the flowers (I made him stop at the grocery store on the way home and we went and bought me flowers anyway), I'm more worried that I got upset. 2. He had a race out of state this weekend, and the day before the race I was talking to him on the phone and I told him to give me a call after the race to let me know how it went. He said something to the affect of "I don't know if I'll remember, but I'll try." My thought pattern: WTF??? If I was doing something that I really enjoyed, he would be the very first person that I would want to tell about it, there would be no way I could possibly forget. Why doesn't he want to share things with me??? Me again, is this a red flag?? So, I worried about it the whole day. He of course did remember to call me. He hadn't even gotten back to his hotel yet, and he was excited to tell me about it. Again, no need for me to overreact. So, 3 questions. Do you think I've started this because the wedding is coming up and I'm just nervous? Do you think reading about bad relationships is making this worse? Does anyone else see this happening in their relationship?
blind_otter Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Yes. The other day my BF was joking about this porno that I have on my computer, because we didn't have time to have sex that morning he was like, oh man I'm going to have to watch that porn before work. And I gave him a long lecture on teh dangers of using pornography and how he has an addictive personality (we are both in AA) and how he has to watch out about that, blah blah blah. Then he looks at me with a blank look and says, "Baby, I was just kidding." Which is true. He never watches porn unless I'm already watching it. But you can't read like 18 million threads on porn addiction without getting worried about it. So, 3 questions. Do you think I've started this because the wedding is coming up and I'm just nervous? Do you think reading about bad relationships is making this worse? Does anyone else see this happening in their relationship? You're probably nervous, which makes you worry about things more, and then reading about all the bad relationships plays on the anxieties that are already there.
climbergirl Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Funny you should ask! When I start to overanalyze a situation, or start to hypothesize too much -my bf accuses me of being on this site too much. He's probably spot on.......although I reserve the right to carry on. Oh, and the race? Not a red flag IMO-in fact, it seems he so doesn't want to disappoint/upset you and was covering his bases just in case he got too caught up.
JohnM Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 I tend to analyse alot of things I see now. I find this better than not noticing and have a balanced enough mind to make decisions of what they mean and if i'm over analysing.
Outcast Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 It's easy for people to forget to notice what their SOs do for them and focus on their own wants and needs. It's not necessarily LS's fault that people do these things. What makes a relationship work is reminding yourself constantly to pay attention to what's done for you and be grateful for it.
jerbear Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 From what I analyzed on my prior relationship was, I messed up! :lmao: Ok she and I both messed up and didn't communicate. Oh well... LS has tought me that I messed up too, blame on both parties but primarily me for most of it.
alphamale Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 1. I asked him a couple months ago to bring me flowers on the day that I defended my thesis. He forgot. Never ask a man to GIVE you flowers on a certain day for a certain reason...that guarantees you won't get them. My thought pattern: WTF??? If I was doing something that I really enjoyed, he would be the very first person that I would want to tell about it, men don't work or think like that... So, 3 questions. Do you think I've started this because the wedding is coming up and I'm just nervous? yes
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Agreeing with alpha 100%. I totally discounted the fact that he went out of his way to arrange to take a test early so that he could come to my defense and then took me to bar and bought all my drinks, not to mention paid for a day at the spa the previous week. I caught myself and am no longer worried about the flowers (I made him stop at the grocery store on the way home and we went and bought me flowers anyway), I'm more worried that I got upset. Which was why he forgot or didn't think that the flowers not being given would be an issue to you. Try not to 'look' for things that aren't there. Be happy with what you have, and don't compare your relationship to anybody that you know or even on here. What you have is a good thing. It may not be perfect, but it is good. Noone's relationship is perfect and normal ALL the time. And hey, even if he DID screw up on the flower thing, so what? It's what you feel for him and what he feels for you that counts. How you two are day in and day out! Don't consider little irritating things or bumps in the road as red flags...
magda Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Yeah, I think this has more to do with being engaged with a wedding forthcoming than LS. Although LS will make you over-analyze things. The only thing I think is weird is the flower thing, but I think you are the weird one. Why are you requesting flowers? What is the meaning behind that? "Oh how thoughtful of you... to do what I told you..."??? Why not just buy them for yourself? Don't get it.
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 One day for my bday hubby brought home scented Lillies. I was so happy and then he said, "phew, I thought you were gonna be pissed off as I didn't bring home roses..." We both agreed roses are a COMPLETE waste of money since they don't last long and they're too expensive. Lillies last a long time and they smell amazing!
Author bab Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 The only thing I think is weird is the flower thing, but I think you are the weird one. Why are you requesting flowers? What is the meaning behind that? "Oh how thoughtful of you... to do what I told you..."??? Why not just buy them for yourself? Don't get it. I know it sounds corney, but I've always wanted him to bring me flowers. He never has because that isn't his style. He's a guy, so he doesn't do well with "subtle" hints. I figured if I wanted him to bring me flowers, the only way that it might even have a remote chance of having it happen was to tell him that I wanted him to bring me flowers. (It's also not like I'm badgering him about flowers all the time. This is the first time in 5 years that I've asked for them.) But I don't want to over explain, because like I said, I caught myself and appreciate all he did and does do for me, and the "upsetness" was short lived and unjustified.
Author bab Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Agreeing with alpha 100%. Which was why he forgot or didn't think that the flowers not being given would be an issue to you. Try not to 'look' for things that aren't there. Be happy with what you have, and don't compare your relationship to anybody that you know or even on here. What you have is a good thing. It may not be perfect, but it is good. Noone's relationship is perfect and normal ALL the time. And hey, even if he DID screw up on the flower thing, so what? It's what you feel for him and what he feels for you that counts. How you two are day in and day out! Don't consider little irritating things or bumps in the road as red flags... You guys are right. I do have a wonderful relationship, and it's definitely me that was in the wrong here. Thanks for the encouragement WWIU!
Author bab Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 Oh, and the race? Not a red flag IMO-in fact, it seems he so doesn't want to disappoint/upset you and was covering his bases just in case he got too caught up. Yikes! I hope that this isn't the case. I remember in the beginning of our relationship that he was this way because his last girlfriend would fly off the handle if he didn't read her mind about what she wanted. I rarely do that. I didn't tell him that either of the above two situations bothered me. I certainly don't want to be the type of girl that he feels he needs to walk on eggshells around!!
alphamale Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Lillies last a long time and they smell amazing! Lillies smell like s***
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