tinktronik Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 My oldest (7) is quite different than my two younger boys, and I'm not really sure how to parent him. He does not seem to be interested in being "parented". By this I mean, Oh gosh' what do I mean? My child is very interested in all things mechanical , at 2 1/2 he asked while I was gassing up our car , how that worked , "No mom how does the engine work",he had me online trying to figure out how car engines actually operated and though I didn't really "get " it he seemed to , and it's been running ever since. I try to cater to his intelligence while admiring it also, he's in gifted courses for mathmatics and science and has jumped a year ahead . He has a fascination with weather phenomena , we've got the telescope , and the kits for robotics and so forth ,and this is all well and good , but he lives so much in his head all of the time , gobbling up knoledge. His people skills suck . He's just so blunt or maybe the word is lacking tact.He seems so much more selfish than either of my other children , he doesn't ever want to share . But what concerns me the most is he seems to lack the understanding that other people have feelings .He's just so blunt , he'll just come right out and say it , no matter what it is, he does not seem to do it to hurt anyones feelings , but it does , and he seems so oblivious to it. Is there a way to work with this ,make him more aware of his effect on those around him?
Tim'sAngel Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 He's just so blunt , he'll just come right out and say it , no matter what it is, he does not seem to do it to hurt anyones feelings , but it does , and he seems so oblivious to it. Is there a way to work with this ,make him more aware of his effect on those around him? My soon to be stepdaughter is like this. She is 8 and the rudest comments come out of her mouth sometimes. We always get onto her for it explaining that what you say can hurt peoples feelings. From what my bf tells me she gets it from her mother. I honestly don't think she says things to hurt intentionally, she just simply does not think before talking. She does this in everything though. She makes lots of messes when she's eating, stains her clothes up, stains her shoes up, is clumsy and knocks over stuff, so its just a pattern w/her. I guess its one of those things were you gotta stay on them 24/7 and hope that one day they will get it. It's a wonderful thing your son is so intelligent and has shown interest in a certain area. We can hardly get my stepdaughter-to-be interested in anything besides spongebob. Other than that though she is a great kid and I rarely have any problems at all w/her. Just gota stay on her thats all.
Author tinktronik Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 My soon to be stepdaughter is like this. She is 8 and the rudest comments come out of her mouth sometimes. We always get onto her for it explaining that what you say can hurt peoples feelings. From what my bf tells me she gets it from her mother. I honestly don't think she says things to hurt intentionally, she just simply does not think before talking. She does this in everything though. She makes lots of messes when she's eating, stains her clothes up, stains her shoes up, is clumsy and knocks over stuff, so its just a pattern w/her. I guess its one of those things were you gotta stay on them 24/7 and hope that one day they will get it. It's a wonderful thing your son is so intelligent and has shown interest in a certain area. We can hardly get my stepdaughter-to-be interested in anything besides spongebob. Other than that though she is a great kid and I rarely have any problems at all w/her. Just gota stay on her thats all. I don't have any problems with messiness from my son, and for the most part it seems his bluntness comes more from a lack of interest in people (unless they have something to teach him) than anything else. Thats the biggest thing, unless I or anyone else has something educational to discuss with him , hes not interested in what we have to say. Perhaps some people are like this? I have to find obscure facts (like how a 2 dimensional world would work) and demonstrate to him in order to have any value to him( it seems) or rather hold his attention before he finds someone with more interesting things to discuss-lol. I think its wonderful that he's so intelligent also, but this seems to be where 90% of his value lay . Maybe I should just be happy about it and eventually he'll waken to the people around him.I've certainly talked to him about not hurting anyones feelings , but he seems so oblivious as to why it would .
Tim'sAngel Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Some people just have different mind frames. It might worry you now but he could end up being a genius or an inventor!! Look at all the famous people like Einstein (sp?) I don't think they had very good people skills either, they were too busy learning to care about socializing. I bet when he reaches his late teens he'll start venturing out and noticing the people around him. (Especially when he starts noticing girls)
Outcast Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 You might want to have him assessed for Asperger's.
Curmudgeon Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 My thoughts exactly. The seeming inability to get in touch with other's feelings could be symptomatic of Asberger Syndrome.
Author tinktronik Posted April 10, 2006 Author Posted April 10, 2006 My thoughts exactly. The seeming inability to get in touch with other's feelings could be symptomatic of Asberger Syndrome. I've actually suspected as much. I've actually discussed this briefly with a child psych. and many of the factors are there ( failure to understand emotion, loud whooping noises,problems with sharing), however he lacks sensativity to change and other than having a somewhat over developed vocab , he uses it appropriatly just not tactfully. However , I have thought about this for some time , and will probably seek another opinion.
blind_otter Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I've actually suspected as much. I've actually discussed this briefly with a child psych. and many of the factors are there ( failure to understand emotion, loud whooping noises,problems with sharing), however he lacks sensativity to change and other than having a somewhat over developed vocab , he uses it appropriatly just not tactfully. However , I have thought about this for some time , and will probably seek another opinion. Yeah, you should get him evaluated ASAP because the evaluations, AFAIK are not as accurate with older children? Asperger's in a autism spectrum disorder, so there are very very high functioning people who with proper life skills coaching are very hard, even impossible, to detect by a layperson IRL. He may be on the very mild end of the scale.
SmoochieFace Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 My oldest (7) is quite different than my two younger boys, and I'm not really sure how to parent him. He does not seem to be interested in being "parented". By this I mean, Oh gosh' what do I mean? My child is very interested in all things mechanical , at 2 1/2 he asked while I was gassing up our car , how that worked , "No mom how does the engine work",he had me online trying to figure out how car engines actually operated and though I didn't really "get " it he seemed to , and it's been running ever since. I try to cater to his intelligence while admiring it also, he's in gifted courses for mathmatics and science and has jumped a year ahead . He has a fascination with weather phenomena , we've got the telescope , and the kits for robotics and so forth ,and this is all well and good , but he lives so much in his head all of the time , gobbling up knoledge. His people skills suck . He's just so blunt or maybe the word is lacking tact.He seems so much more selfish than either of my other children , he doesn't ever want to share . But what concerns me the most is he seems to lack the understanding that other people have feelings .He's just so blunt , he'll just come right out and say it , no matter what it is, he does not seem to do it to hurt anyones feelings , but it does , and he seems so oblivious to it. Is there a way to work with this ,make him more aware of his effect on those around him? Definitely a high probably of AS indeed. I will have more on this tomorrow. Stay tuned.
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