Pip123 Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Hi all u may remember me, I put a post under guest about a month ago. Basically I work with a mm and I am married a yr, we had this chemistry for the last couple of yrs and recently things have come to a head, it started off with texts (as usual!) then once we had said how much we liked each other we agreed to meet, he backed out as he felt he could not do it to his wife and kids, I totally agreed with him and respected him for it. So I took your advice and backed off, instead it made him come into the office more, call me more etc.. it was hard as I tried to keep things professional. Anyway to cut a long story short we were working late the other night and we went for some food and drinks it was him who bought it up again and asked if I still felt something etc, he said he cant get me out of his head, he is cut up about it as he never wants to hurt his family. I am the same I love my husband and would die if he found out and I am the one to put him through this. But, I CANNOT HELP HOW I FEEL. We ended up spending the night together, but didn’t have intercourse. Next morning we were very upset and made a pact for it not to happen again, he called me into the office that day before he left to go home, and said he knew it was a bad idea as he was falling for me fast and was I ok. Now even as I type this it sounds seedy, I am distraught, I am riddled with guilt for my husband, but cannot get this man out of my head. I have to go back to work tomorrow, although he works on the road and may not come near the office for a few weeks, I have to talk to him on the phone. I have no one to talk to and I feel so alone, how did you all feel this 1st time it happened i.e. the first kiss and what happened afterwards? Thanks for listening.[/FONT][/sIZE]
johan Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Switch jobs, if your marriage is more important. If not, then stay there and take the consequences. You are trying to find away to have it all, but you can't. So pick the path that keeps your character and self-respect intact. Claiming it just happened and you couldn't control it is not an excuse.
eddie222 Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 I'm in a similar situation, and after nearly a year of infatuation and fighting feelings, we're starting to realize we belong together. Still just an EA, but my connection with her is so much stronger and deeper than it is with my wife. I used to buy into a lot of the arguments you see on LS - just a drug, don't have to deal with running a household, etc., but our feelings haven't diminished at all even as we've both discovered each other's weaknesses.
2sunny Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Claiming it just happened and you couldn't control it is not an excuse. Oh yes it is an excuse, just not an acceptable excuse. Think of it this way... treat your husband the way you would want him to treat you, either leave him before you are anymore unfaithful to him or cut out the nonesense and be a faithful wife that he expects you to be.
Sami_D Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 No, it didn't feel anything like that. But mine wasn't an office romance, and I'm not in any other relationship. And his M was/is nothing that he wants to preserve, and is about to end it. So, no. I think you're both nuts risking so much for the sake of 'fatal attraction'.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 Actually, I think they are risking being in a fatal attraction.
lovernotafighter Posted April 9, 2006 Posted April 9, 2006 this must be you then right? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84467/ well I can relate to you some what cause I am a MW with a MM and we work together and he is one of our superiors (though we are the only year apart in age) anyway..once you cross that line..it's all pain from there..my heart goes out to you,your in a world of hurt from this forward. me and my MM do have our wonderful times..but theres more pain and guilt that anything and because we work together NC hasn't been able to be accomplished,because when one tries the other stops it. our marriages are in the crapper...but men can compartmentalise more than woman and it will no doubt mystify you..like it does me. if I could take back this uncontrollable (or so I thought) need to have him apart of me..I would do it in a second. the best of luck pip..your gonna need it.
Author Pip123 Posted April 9, 2006 Author Posted April 9, 2006 Actually, I think they are risking being in a fatal attraction. I'm sorry I don't understand what you mean? Thanks for replying I knew I was going to get the responses I did, I cannot help how I feel I hate myself for it. lovernotafighter, that was me you were right, thank you for being so honest, I didnt realise things were going to be so painful
target-d Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 I cannot help how I feel Yes, you CAN help how you feel. To say otherwise makes you into a victim of yourself and is a complete cop-out. Even a child learns to not do something that will hurt both themselves and other people. If you have so little self-control, then leave your job and get a job elsewhere. The two of you are playing with explosives.
whichwayisup Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 You feel the way you want to feel, but FIGHT IT and DO NOT REACT TO IT. Don't allow your mind to travel to those thoughts. Don't put yourself in the position where you cannot say NO. Remember what pain you'll be inflicting on so many people. Innocent people who don't have a clue what is really going on. Imagine that and trying to explain to them WHY. Can you defend yourself? Is a hot sex session WORTH throwing away your marriage? Your life as you know it? Are you prepared for the fallout and full consquences of your actions? You can't see that, or you won't let yourself.
zarathustra Posted April 10, 2006 Posted April 10, 2006 Pip, I've gone through what you did. Its not worth it. While I don't necessarily agree with others that you can control how you feel, you have the choice not participate in an affair with this man. One thing for sure though, I have found one good thing about this forum is that when I have expressed how k have felt and am feeling and talk about what I have done, people here have been very non-judgemental. On top of that everyone has been so supportive. Having you all here have been more useful than my individual therapy sessions. I also find that the advice here is priceless. I know as well that a lot of what have been said to me is definitely not easy to follow.
Jessie61 Posted April 11, 2006 Posted April 11, 2006 Pip, I've gone through what you did. Its not worth it. While I don't necessarily agree with others that you can control how you feel, you have the choice not participate in an affair with this man. Pip, I agree with Zarathustra. No, you cannot help how you feel, but you do have a choice as regards acting on your feelings. I have gone (am going?) through all of this and I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. THINK before you do anything with your OM. If you decide that your M is not worth risking, then don't even contemplate little treats such as "just going for coffee" with the OM, or "it's just a funny little email to him...", you would need to avoid him like the plague as much as possible. I wish you all the best!
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