A big problem

[ladyjerrica]

Hello everyone

I have a certain problem. Most women my age find this a problem. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and he still has not proposed to me. We have been through so much together and I don't want to let that go. I'm 23 years old and I live with him. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. But...he keeps stringing me along for some reason. He would tell me that he is seriously thinking about marrige, then a couple days later, when I bring it up casually, he'll say, "When did I say I was thinking about it? I'm not thinking about it. We live together, we love each other, can't you be satisfied with just that?" He says he wants to marry me, he gets my hopes up about it, and then says somthing so stupid just to bring me off of that cloud I am on. It's like...I don't even know his true intetions with the marrige situation. People keep telling me to be patient....and I have been. But now.....I can't wait. I just want to be with him forever. I know that I don't really need marrige for that, but...I want it. I'm not usually a selfish woman, and I am not the "Take, Take, Take" type. I give him all of me....so why cant he give me all of himself?

If anyone has an aswer to my questions...I would appriciate it. I need something to set my mind at ease.

 

Always,

LadyJerrica

[TeaCooler]

Most women my age find this a problem.

 

really? 23 year olds everywhere are demanding to be proposed to? that's sad.

 

i think you're too young to be getting so antsy about this. not to mention, you've been in a relationship for 9 years, which is a long time...but that means you were only 14 when it began.

 

you need more experience than just this one questionable relationship. don't rush into anything. live a little. i know it's nice to think your first love will last forever, but in a long relationship that started so early in life, you've never gotten to experience things yourself without someone else.

 

so again, don't rush. you could wake up one day and realize that you really need more life experience before you decide to tie the knot with the only serious relationship you've ever had. trust me on this.

 

and it is possible that the reason he hasn't asked you is what i just described...

 

just my opinion. and good luck, let us know what happens.

[johan]

This doesn't sound like a "biological clock" issue. It sounds to me like you're 23 and starting to think about yourself as an adult. And so you have this relationship and you're wondering how it fits into your future. Nine years is a long time to be with someone, although I wouldn't count the first few, because that is really damn young.

 

It's natural to start pushing for more when you see the other person resisting. Maybe you aren't really THAT interested in marriage, but you need to get some signals from him that he's at least on the same page as you are.

 

After nine years though, it's normal to wonder what's next. No matter how young an adult you are.

 

I don't have any advice, because I don't think you need it. I think you and he will come to the right conclusions all by yourself. You're pushing for change, and I'm pretty sure you'll get it.

[submart]

Are you happy with the way things are now (your relationship, living condition, etc)? If so, then possibly keep things the way they are. Marriage is WON'T make things different. However, you may desire the legal benefits of marriage.

 

If your not happy just being boyfriend/girlfriend, put your foot down and tell your guy what you want. Marriage! If he refuses or needs time, then give it to him. But just don't sit there, do something! Move out possibly until he can make that choice. Why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?

 

Good luck girl!!