The phone call . . .

[the_alchemyst]

So, yesterday I finally fell asleep at around 2 AM, after having gone without sleep for more than 36 hours.

 

I had been feeling like crap that entire day because of what happened to me on Thursday. I was just really miserable.

 

Anyway, I was online until that time talking to D, which was nice because it seemed he was trying very hard to understand what I was going through. Unfortunately, as I said above, I fell asleep at around 2 AM, while talking to him . . .

 

So, today I was awakened at 8 AM by my cell phone's alarm clock. I got up to turn it off and saw that I had a voicemail from an unfamiliar number. I immediately thought it was someone from school, so I check it right away, but . . .

 

It was C. AHHH!! The vm was dated at 2.30-something AM. He said:

 

"Hey B. this is C. I just wanted to say hi. And also, I just wanted to tell you that you are a very nice girl, and a very good person, and that I wish you nothing but the best. Don't call me back because I'm not at my house. <pause> I mean, don't call me back. And yeah, I think that's it. Bye."

 

His voice was very solemn, and he sounded pretty sad.

 

Of course I dialed back the number (thank god for caller ID), thinking one of his loser-bastard friends was going to answer, but no--it was a payphone.

 

This totally worried me because if he was drinking like I bet he was--why the F are those idiot friends of his letting him drive home like that? And of course . . . this message just . . . confused me even more.

 

It had been exactly 3 weeks of NC. I never contacted him not because of the "normal" reasons, I guess, but rather because I was just waaay too scared to do so. I honestly never expected him to contact me under any circumstance because he is a stubborn jerk like that.

 

Maybe this made me get even more emotional because of what happened on Thursday. It's funny that he would call on the very day that I felt so bad.

 

I don't know what to do. I've had a draft email sitting on my PC for a long time now. It doesn't say much--just "hi" really and some stupid jokes we used to say. I never sent it because I was "waiting for the right time," and because I was just scared.

 

What does this message mean? What should I do? I miss him so much . . . and I'm really very worried about him, too. Sigh. Help?

[MadDog]

Please don't e-mail or call him. It's just going to make things harder for you. Just continue NC & work on feeling better. Hang out with some of your friends. It's the weekend.

[KittenMoon]

Alchemyst- keep NC. His call sounded liek a stupid and insensitive thing to do. He has told you repreatedly he wants nada to do with you romantically and you cannot be friendly with him right now.

 

He wants you not to call him back? DON'T!!! Because part of him probably wants you to call, and by doing so you would just feed his ego. ANd make him feel better.

 

f*** him!!!

 

If he wants contact, he can initiate it, in a real way, not through a lame drunken message.

[the_alchemyst]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

 

So, nothing? I should do nothing about this? But isn't that mean?

 

I can't do that: I promised him on many occasions that I would always be there for him, no matter what, and I really meant that.

 

You see, he's just so stubborn and prideful that for him to call, under whatever circumstance, shocks me. In every other break-up, he has never been the first to initiate contact of any sort.

 

Plus it was so late and from a payphone . . . I just feel like there is something wrong with him; that he is really sad because of something.

 

I can't pretend that I don't care because I would just be lying to myself. I know that if I contact him, there is a huge possibility that he will be a jerk and say that he was drunk and that that was why he called, that he doesn't care anymore, that why the F did I call him, that I'm psycho, etc. But at least, despite whatever he may say, he will know that I called because I care. I will be keeping my promise--he will see that I do care for him, and ultimately that is more important to me than me shielding myself from more sadness/hurt.

 

Ugh. I know this type of thinking is just wrong, but I can't help it. As I keep saying, I never contacted him because I've always just been too scared to be rejected in any way once again.

 

But I love, miss and care for him--ultimately, this is my truth.

 

A part of me wishes he hadn't called, since I was making myself get used to the idea that he didn't care about me anymore and that he didn't even think about me. But the other part is happy because at least now I know that he has been thinking about me, at the very least . . .

 

Part of me wants to not do anything and wait for him to, I hope, make repeated efforts to try to contact me--for him to work hard to "win me back," but the other part wants to just run over there, hug him, tell him that I'm there for him and am willing to help in any way I can . . .

 

I'm just so confused. Like today . . . I couldn't stop thinking about him. Oh, how I miss him.

[MadDog]

In the end, you will do what you must but if you talk to him now, it will set you back a lot. It'll basically make all those difficult days you went through these past weeks pointless because you'll be back to the start.

[sick of it]

Do not call.

 

why?

 

if you want to show that you care....dont call. he asked you not to. so respect the wishes. if thats what you want, to show that you care, then respected his wishes is part of that.

 

isnt it mean?

no. you need to think of you. at least once. yes itll feel horrible. yes oyull feel like youre being rude for not returnin a phone call. but in the end, the phone will do nothing FOR YOU. and thats whats important. you will not feel better in any way, itll just make you feel worse. believe me...from experience...dealing with the "am i jerk for not calling back" feeling is better then calling and actually hearing things (or not hearing things) that make you feel horrible.

 

you love and miss him. i know ou do. you wouldnt be hear if you didnt. and you will for a while. the way to stop that is to stop any contact. the more you contact the more that bond stays in your head. you need to begin to break it. its imperative.

 

again, as mad dog says, in the end youll do what you feel you must. but stop and think about why youre actually calling and what possible good good come from it. if he wants you back, he'll come out and say it...not leave a cryptic message.

 

this entire time of a breakup needs to be about you. about taking off the rose colored glasses and seeing things for how they are not how you want them to be. i know what you want the phone call to be about. i know what you want him to say. but will he? probably not. you must take a step back and actually examine what will probably happen. the cons vastly outweigh the pros.

 

i tell you this because i always called back. for 10 months ive been stuck in this rut. ive finally broken free. dont waste so long like i have feeding their ego, putting them before you. yes it sounds mean, but its not. that phone call really had nothing to do with you. it had to do with him. good luck and try to listen to the advice on LS, everyone here really doesknow what theyre saying.

[KittenMoon]

A-

 

This is just like when my ex emailed me the other week about having my stuff and me wanting to know he DID miss me, etc. Did I respond? Yes... with instructions about dropping off my stuff. It hurt, I felt mean, and that goddamn email has haunted me because, like you, I had gotten used to the fact he wouldn't call, write, etc.

 

After the email the pedestal of "he wants me out of his life and he;s a jerk" got jerked out from under me because he sounded so much like the guy I loved.

 

But have I heard anything since then? Not a peep.

 

His contact will change nothing. It will only hurt you. Don't respond.

[the_alchemyst]

But . . . but . . . but!!!

 

What if I'm ruining a possible reconciliation by not calling? What if . . .

 

But fine. Whatever. I won't call. I'll just pull a Hamlet and sit here wandering what I should do for so long that in the end I won't do anything, anyways.

 

 

I cried last night again, though. I hope this isn't bad . . .

[KittenMoon]

But . . . but . . . but!!!

 

What if I'm ruining a possible reconciliation by not calling? What if . . .

 

But fine. Whatever. I won't call. I'll just pull a Hamlet and sit here wandering what I should do for so long that in the end I won't do anything, anyways.

 

 

I cried last night again, though. I hope this isn't bad . . .

 

 

If he wants a reconciliation, he'll move heaven and earth to get to you. My mother has been saying this same thing- that maybe his email was an attempt to reach out.

 

As much as I'd like to, I do not believe it. If he wants me back, he knows where I am. Your ex knows where you are too.

 

It's hard, I know. I've been crying all weekend too. For no particular reason, I just miss him. But this pain is easier than being rejected again, remember that.

[CaliGuy]

Yep. Neither hell or high water will stop an ex from contacting you *IF* they really want you back.

 

Actions speak so much louder than words.

[Guest]

He had no reason as such to contact you to tell you not to do what you are already NOT doing......if it's over it's over he need not tell you that again....personally i think it is a game.Like briar rabbit pleading not to be thrown into the mulberry bush....