MadDog Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 (Strange she still wanted to go out as friends, after this, I wouldn't be a nice friend, would I?) That's not strange or surprising. A girl telling you she'd rather go out as friends after you've shown interest is the equivalent of her saying "you're not going to get laid with me because I don't find you appealing." That's actually pretty harsh if you think about it.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 That's not strange or surprising. A girl telling you she'd rather go out as friends after you've shown interest is the equivalent of her saying "you're not going to get laid with me because I don't find you appealing." That's actually pretty harsh if you think about it. Yeah, however, it's the same girl that called me hot and good looking at first. So I guess it is true that men and woman have different mindsets when it comes to attraction. Problem that I keep encountering so I have to do something about it (Creating initial interest is easy but after that I tend to mess up)
amerikajin Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 Here's the thing. She finds you attractive but is backing you into the friends zone (for now) because she thinks your personality sucks. She still thinks your hot - that didn't change. What changed was the idea that you were 'dateable'. But what I'm saying that, if you hang around her long enough, and can she her more of your up side, things just might work out. I would not close this door completely. By all means, go out and date other women, but the fact that she's giving you a second chance (or was anyway) should have been another opportunity for you to step up to the plate. Whether it progresses any further will depend on how you play it on that next encounter.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Busy with the others now. Learned a lot from this. Thansk Jin, you're right. Acted on impulse so thats not always the right thing. Being an ass once doesn't make me an a**h*** in general.
amerikajin Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 Don't sweat it, dog. You're going to make mistakes in the courtship process - that's not a bad thing. You're not always going to make the right moves. You're not always going to be smooth, even if you're relatively smooth with girls. The key isn't to get worked up over one thing, and on that note, try not to get worked up at all. The key is to be in control of the dynamic; to sense what's going on at all times; to know when she's coming closer and when she's pulling away; to know when you're still in the game, and when you're on the brink of being 'elimi-dated'. Before you go on another date, understand that women - especially hot women - choose. Men pursue, women choose. You're the one doing the audition here, not the other way around. You're not going to pull a chick with a magic line or any gimmick like that. What's been working for me as of late? Well, for me, what works is making it look like you're not trying to pick her up at all. Fly beneath her radar. Look into her eyes - always. Smile occasionally. Show her glimpses of you being a gentleman. Let her do the talking, and *listen* to what she says - I can't stress this one enough. First of all, the most important thing to do on a date is to shut up. That's right - no magic lines, no jokes. Just sit there and shut your pie hole and only speak when spoken to - right ladies:cool: How do you do this? Conduct an interview. Ask questions. You're the magazine writer, she's the star. And even better, be the one guy in ten who actually listens to what she says. Impress her next week with details of the conversation you can recall from today. Women want to feel close to guys, and if a guy can prove he's a listener, then she'll immediately start to feel a deeper connection almost without thinking. It's like an automatic 10-20 percent jump on the interest level scale. It's that connection that will draw a woman to you, much more so than looks. It's powerful stuff when it happens, too. No speed seduction, no junk. Just basic relationship skills that work.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Ik know those things. I am quite good with woman (leave a good impression on many girls without much effort). I'm a natural listener (good at that) (I have this amazing, but annoying social memory and always remember lots of stuff people tell me (even this particular girl complimeted me on that already)). I'm a teacher (and give lots of presentations), it's my job to be social and listen. Making eyecontact isn't a problem for me, always do that. Girls tend to compliment me for having a beautifull smile, even when we just meet (I don't like my own smile that much, looks like Tom Cruise's his smile, dimples and stuff). Even my wit works well, in initial conversations. All the stuff you mention works indeed. Even get phone numbers in the bus quite often. But I only call girls I really like to make a date. Sometimes not even calling the ones I like. But in this situation I lost control. I was just finished doing my training routine and was ironing my pants when she called. And well, I responded by saying what I thought, not thinking about it. She even found it sweet I already got those tickets. My biggest mistake in general is that I'm way to pleased with just that. Going beyond initial contact, or further means that you have to open up a little more. Never had a relationship longer then two months. Well actually never had a long term relationship.
MadDog Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 All the stuff you mention works indeed. Even get phone numbers in the bus quite often. But I only call girls I really like to make a date. Sometimes not even calling the ones I like. Why the devil not?
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Really busy life.... I'm just graduated and trying to get myself a good job (working as a substitute) and busy with friends.
blind_otter Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 Really busy life.... I'm just graduated and trying to get myself a good job (working as a substitute) and busy with friends. are you gay? sex is higher on my priority list than friends.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 No, I'm not gay... I don't fullfill my needs in mens lavatory's or something.
blind_otter Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 No, I'm not gay... I don't fullfill my needs in mens lavatory's or something. I guess different people have different priorities. I like to get laid, therefore I invest energy in the effort to get laid. My friends can talk to me on the phone once a week. And if I don't have time, they get the time taken away from them. not my penis-person.
SmoochieFace Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 are you gay? sex is higher on my priority list than friends. Wow... that is some connection... jeez.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 My penis as a substitute brain would have saved me a lot of thinking Getting laid isn't my number one priority. Its nice, but as everything in life, not that important. Could have sex with dumb, young, girls quite often, but it's not my thing. Maybe that makes me an idiot.....
Sand&Water Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 My biggest mistake in general is that I'm way to pleased with just that. Going beyond initial contact, or further means that you have to open up a little more. Never had a relationship longer then two months. Well actually never had a long term relationship. No one expects you to jump into a long term relationship; rather it has become a social normal and to some extent a social plague. Take romance relationships at your own pace, with full honesty and appreciation. You'll know when its the right time and person to develop long term romance. I don't think having to place your career, or social network of friends high on your priority list considered taboo. Focus on that first, if you have to, then go from there. Good luck!
blind_otter Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 My penis as a substitute brain would have saved me a lot of thinking Getting laid isn't my number one priority. Its nice, but as everything in life, not that important. Could have sex with dumb, young, girls quite often, but it's not my thing. Maybe that makes me an idiot..... Nah, just value different things. Plus if I don't get laid regularly I am a huge bitch.
MadDog Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 My penis as a substitute brain would have saved me a lot of thinking Getting laid isn't my number one priority. Its nice, but as everything in life, not that important. Could have sex with dumb, young, girls quite often, but it's not my thing. Maybe that makes me an idiot..... Yes, you really need to get your priorities straight! On second thought, carry on. More to go around for me.
ms_jnj Posted April 12, 2006 Posted April 12, 2006 I Cancelling a date says enough I guess, and me being an a**h***, well I wasn't nice but I wasn't mean either. Just told her I wasn't pleased she flaked and she should be able to understand that as well. I don't think you're quite getting it.... ...you've heard this from others, but a migraine can be absolutely crippling, as in head in the toilet vomiting, unable to see straight crippling. It is quite possible that she was so looking foreward to the date that she took her medication and was waiting and hoping that it would work, and so didn't call you earlier. From experience, sometimes it takes quite a while to work and sometimes it doesn't work at all if you don't catch the migrane in time. (when it first starts it is sometimes hard to tell if it is a miagraine or a headache, and you don't want to take the migraine medicine if it is just a normal headache, because it won't do a thing for a normal headache, wastes expensive medicine and contributes to the body building up a tolerance.) It is also possible that she was so preoccupied by the misery she was in that she wasn't in the prescence of mind to think of calling you in plenty of time. It's hard to understand if you don't suffer from migraines...too many people think they are just regular headaches that are worse than normal. But migraines are a totally seperate medical condition that consist of far more symptoms than merely a headache. That's just how they start out. In her mind she didn't "flake" so you being upset that she "flaked" probably pissed her off pretty badly. She was sick, couldn't help it, no matter how much you didn't appreciate it, it wasn't going to cure her on the spot. A more appropriate response would have been "Oh, I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well, but sometimes that happens. Call me when you're feeling better if you'd like to reschedule the date, because I'm still looking forward to seeing you again." If she didn't call you, you'd know it was an excuse and THEN you could make it known that you don't appreciate flakes. But hey...you've learned a lesson, and everyone makes mistakes, right? I'd say your only hope of getting her to go out with you again is to write her an email apologizing for your insensitivity and explaining that you didn't understand the severity of migraines, but since asking about them, you now understand that she was probably far too sick to go out with you. Tell her you didn't mean to be angry with her over something she couldn't control and it would mean a lot to you if she would consider going out with you again. ...'cause if she really was sick, this cancellation was no fault of her own.
Mary3 Posted April 13, 2006 Posted April 13, 2006 Here's the thing. She finds you attractive but is backing you into the friends zone (for now) because she thinks your personality sucks. She still thinks your hot - that didn't change. What changed was the idea that you were 'dateable'. But what I'm saying that, if you hang around her long enough, and can she her more of your up side, things just might work out. I would not close this door completely. By all means, go out and date other women, but the fact that she's giving you a second chance (or was anyway) should have been another opportunity for you to step up to the plate. Whether it progresses any further will depend on how you play it on that next encounter. Very well said Amerikajin I would just add when she says : I would like to go out now *just as friends* means you are not going to be sleeping in her bed anytime soon. Will she see you as a potential boyfriend down the road. ?My instinct tells me first impression count and you blew it . You can try hanging around her and showing her you might make a good boyfriend later...but don't hold your breath on this one too long...
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 13, 2006 Author Posted April 13, 2006 You're right. First impressions were good, us meeting and having fun. Second was her seeing me in class, wich included me listening a lot to her, and me taking care of a sick child and so on. But she mprobably thinks that was just an act (it wasn't!). Because I made a really bad impresion now. Fele bad about the fact that i acted like I did, but I can't change that. So, that means moving on.
Author TheSwordfish Posted April 14, 2006 Author Posted April 14, 2006 I will bump into her quite often, she showed up everywhere I was, including a course I'm on, so I'll bump into her quite often. Hope she doesn't tell everyone about my great phone skills
mental_traveller Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 Just tell her briefly to call you when she feels up to it. Then leave the ball in her court. If it's an excuse she won't call back; if it's genuine then she will call back. Simple.
mental_traveller Posted April 14, 2006 Posted April 14, 2006 are you gay? sex is higher on my priority list than friends. Maybe he thinks one woman is hassle enough!
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